Tag Archives: Parenting

Millennials are now Parents – What does this mean for the church?

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Time Magazine recently featured an article about Millennials examining how they parent.  The transition of Millennials as lazy, narcissistic children into parents is happening quickly (The words lazy and narcissistic came from a previous Time article).  According to Time, “Millennial parents number more than 22 million in the U.S., with about 9,000 babies born to them each day. This growing cohort of parents is digitally native, ethnically diverse, late-marrying, and less bound by traditional gender roles than any generation before it.”  (Source)

According to Time, “Millennial parents are attempting to run their families as mini-democracies, seeking consensus from spouses, kids and extended friend circles on even the smallest decisions. They seek wisdom from those closest to them, rather than the highly-marketed “parenting experts.”  They’re backing away from the overscheduled days of their youth, preferring a more responsive, less directorial approach to activities.”

Here is the full article.

As Millennials become parents, churches will need to respond to connect to this new generations.

Connectivity with their children.

Take my hand from Flickr via Wylio

© 2012 Stephan Hochhaus, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

Through the use of technology, Millennials are used to being in constant contact with their children.   Most childcare centers use the latest technology to keep Millennials informed and connected with their children.  They don’t want a paper describing the lesson when they can have a picture of their child showing it.  Millennials are now the main clientele of the nursery, and their values should affect how we serve them.  The days of publicly humiliating them by removing them from the service, or flashing their child’s number on the screen should be over.  In order to provide Millennials with the security they desire use an app or a simple text message.

 Gender Roles as Parents

Today’s millennials do not hold traditional gender roles.  While, the percentage of stay-at-home mothers is increasing (with the recovery of the economy, almost 29 percent of women stay at home with their children), marital roles are more fluid.  Train your staff and volunteers to avoid assumptions and comments based upon traditional gender roles so as to not offend visitors or regular attenders.  [Load graph of Stay at home mothers from Pew Research.]  Avoid sermon illustrations and media pics that present one perspective of family life.

 Use, but don’t abuse Social Media

© 2012 Jason Howie, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

“Eight-four percent of Millennials are social media users, with 66% of Gen X on social networks and 44% of Baby Boomers. According to the study, more than half of the U.S. users on Twitter are Millennials.” (Source)  We should not abuse these platforms to push our own programs, but use these connections to become involved in the lives of people. The appeal of social media is snap shot of people’s lives, and not desperate pleas to come to your events.  Mind your manners on social media, or you eventually will either be ignored or deleted.  As a church, use social media in order to understand their daily lives and know their values.

While it is truly impossible to describe how Millennials as a generation will parent, research reveals that they hold different values, beliefs, and perspectives.  According to the Time article, Millennials want their children to be, “Open-minded. empathetic. questioning.”  These differences will change their expectations for church ministries and staff members.

Church leaders should begin to ask how these values will express themselves as their children enter other ministries of the church.  Our nursery workers will be the first to experience Millennials as parents, and they will lead us into this change.

Leave a comment about how Millennials having children will change the church.

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Dr. G. David Boyd is the Managing Director of EA Resources, a non-profit designed to equip churches and parents to minister to emerging adults.

3 Ways to Not Talk to Your Child about Sex – Guest Post

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Messages about sex fill our society, and many of the messages are not healthy.  In our sex-saturated society it is crucial that we speak to our children about their sexuality.

As fathers, it can be intimidating, but don’t worry…

  •   you don’t have to cover it all at once (but it should be the first of many conversations).
  •   you don’t have to know everything about it.
  •   you don’t have to be smooth and polished.

However, don’t wait until you feel ready or you may never do it.  Here is an article that I recently found that provides parents some pointers when talking to your children about sex.

In my conversations with emerging adults and teens around the country, one theme continually roars up to the surface…no one is talking with Christians about sexuality. I know that kind of statement colors way too many people with the same drab crayon, but my own research, and that of a lot of other good people studying the sexuality among Christian folks, makes it pretty clear that the exceptions are few – especially in the mainstream evangelical world.

Read the remainder of the article HERE!

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Picture Source: http://adammearse.com

Adam Mearse is a pastor and blogger at www.AdamMearse.com.

When Does A Boy Become A Man In His Mother’s Eyes?

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I recently came across this well-written article, and I wanted to share it with my readers.  The author, Melissa Schultz, is a mother who is transitioning from a full house into an empty nest.  She shares her mother’s perspective on what it means to be a man.

Here is the article.

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The positives of this article:

  1.  It doesn’t link manhood to various traditional, yet lacking markers – like having children, making money, or growing a beard.
  2. Great portrayal of a mother’s struggle to allow her children to grow up.  “And then, even then, when we see our sons as men, sometimes, we still secretly see them as our little boys. Because we want to. Not because they are.”
  3. Gives several inadequate markers of manhood, but doesn’t fully answer the question, “What makes a man?”  Her answer is, “For me, a boy becomes a man when he lets himself fall in love. It says he’s ready and willing to discover who he really is, to take risks; to care for someone other than himself.”     While the ability to fall in love can be a mark of knowing who they really are (self-discovery), take risks (courage), and caring for others (self-less), these characteristics are still greatly lacking.

I think that all emerging adults regularly ask themselves if they are truly an adult.  As children, they long every day to arrive, and yet often never fully feel satisfied in their arrival.  These uncertain feelings can lead our children to a lack of confidence and confusion.

While we can never adequately define adulthood, we can work to give our children the confidence that they need in their journey.  During my research, one of the powerful interview moments that I had was when one young man told me that he knew he was a man because, “My dad told me so.”

Take time today to encourage your children in their pursuit of adulthood.  May you be a channel of confidence that they need to take the next step.

Here are some additional articles that encourage you (or someone you love) in this pursuit.

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources, a non-profit designed to encourage emerging adults and their parents.

Wholeness Parenting: An Alternative to Helicopter Parenting

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UntitledI came across an article that provides an alternative to the dreaded “Helicopter Parenting.”  (What is Helicopter Parenting?)

The article is written from a Faith perspective by Lisa Jo Baker, a mother of younger children.

Here is the link!

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As parents, it is crucial that you allow your children to develop autonomy – the ability to make decisions and deal with the consequences.  (Click Here to read more!)

If you would like to provide an alternative to helicopter-parenting to your church community, please contact me at gdavid@earesources.org.

 

Is there more grace for child-like men than for child-like women?

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I recently came across an article that discussed how movies which display men who are delayed in accepting adult roles and behavior (Failure to Launch, Happy Gilmore, Knocked Up) are more accepted by audiences because their is more grace for men who delayed in their development than for women.  annie

Here are some interesting quotes from the article:

  • In each of those cases, the protagonist has been led astray from a traditional path to adulthood, but their resulting antics — drinking a lot, general laziness and immaturity — are played for laughs and rarely, if ever, become dilemmas worthy of audience sympathy.
  • “If you’re a female, then you should have your shit together and you should be figuring it out,” Anna Kendrick said, discussing the role. “With men it’s just like, ‘Oh, you know, he’s just still a frat boy at heart, and it’s no big deal.’”
  • Something is set up as ostensibly wrong with the woman-child, while the male version is explained away with the idea that “boys will be boys.
  • “I think the kind of outlet for the contemporary woman-child is that there doesn’t seem to be any exit or even desire to exit this kind of liminal state, that is both economic and in terms of identity and maturity,” said Clark. “Marriage doesn’t seem to be the out anymore.”

Here is the link to the article.

I believe that the author has a point.  I am not sure how this extra grace towards men (who won’t grow up) works out in our families, and our communities of faith.  Regardless, delayed development is not a laughing matter.

Here are some articles about delayed development.

David Boyd 1 (1)Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources, a non-profit designed to equip parents and churches to minister to Emerging Adults.

 

 

Getting them to 30 – A Book Review

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Getting to 30 by Jeffrey Arnett and Elizabeth Fishel is an excellent read on a parent’s changing roles during the emerging adult years. The book does a great job of balancing research, stories, and practical suggestions for parents of emerging adults.

In a world that often calls young adults lazy and narcissistic, I applaud the positive perspective of emerging adulthood. They state that both 20-somethings and their parents “generally see themselves as being at a good time of life, characterized by freedom, fun, and excitement, a time to focus on themselves and find out who they really are.” (Arnett and Fishel, xi)

The book gives practical ideas about how parents can learn the “essential art of staying connected while stepping back.” (Arnett and Fishel, x) Parents need to understand that some of the struggle in their relationship with their children is because that, “the maturation process is two headed – Parent and Child need to mature into new roles.” (Arnett and Fishel, 69)

This book does not come from a specific religious perspective, but I believe that Christians will find its information and advice helpful.  It is the best book that I have read on the topic of parenting an emerging adult.

When addressing faith, the book states, “The best way to persuade children of the value of your faith is to show the fruits of it in your life, including your capacity to forgive your sons and daughters for not believing what you believe.” (Arnett and Fishel, 240)  Allowing your children to have true autonomy includes their decisions about faith. For parents who have children who have left the church, this can be a painful process, here is an article that I hope will help you in your journey.

If you have other suggestions of books about parenting emerging adults, please leave a note below.

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources, a non-profit designed to equip parents and churches to minister to emerging adults.

I’m Gay – How to respond to your child.

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Some parents believe that the worst thing that their child could ever say to them are the words, “I’m Gay.” This article does a great job discussing the issue of SSA (Same-Sex Attraction), and helping parents gain a better perspective.

The actual title of this article is “Help, My kid is struggling.”  I changed it for this page only because I wanted to make the content of the piece more available for those looking for advice.

Here is the LINK!

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Matt and Laurie run a ministry called “Hole in My Heart” Ministries.  You can learn more about their story on their  website.

Great Website Resources for Parents of Emerging Adults

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Photo Courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2013. www.aaronrobertphotography.com

Parenting an emerging adult is not always easy.  EA Resources is designed to provide resources to equip parents to prepare them for the journey ahead.

Here are some great sources to bookmark, or to subscribe to their e-mail subscriptions.  They provide great insight into the challenges faced by emerging adults and their parents.

About Parenting

Relevant Magazine

College Affordability

Saving 4 College

Boundless

Sticky Faith

Center for Parent and Youth Understanding

If you know of a resource, please send me a link at gdavid@earesources.org.

 

35 Things We’d Better Tell Our Sons About Harassment, Assault & “Boys will be Boys”

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Just read a powerful article by Ann Voskamp, a NY Time best-selling author of A Thousand Gifts.  This article is important because it discusses what to teach our adolescents and emerging adults about sexual abuse and violence.

boyswillbeboysHere is the Article!

It is longer than many articles, so make sure that you have the time to read and digest it.  Each time that I have read it, I finished inspired and encouraged in my role as a man and father of three sons.

Wow, here are a few of my favorite quotes.

1.  And better stories begin around our dinner tables and our kitchen sinks.

Stories around our dinner tables and kitchen requires spending time together as a family.  This requires saying no to the endless activities of our world, and saying yes to better things.

2.  It is the scarred ones who make the Body of Christ sensitive.  

I know because I am a scarred one.  I was actually scarred by  the church (and I am not alone).  I am not thankful to those who gave them to me, but I am grateful to the God who sustains me daily.  These scars don’t define me, but they have shaped me in ways I once never imagine.

2014-09-28 13.35.063.  You don’t value a woman by telling yourself that she’s some man’s sister, or daughter, or mother. A woman doesn’t derive value from having men in her life that value and like her. A woman has value because she is made in the image and likeness of God. Period.

I have heard this false argument so many times.  Women do not receive their value due to their relationships with men.  They have value because of their relationship to God as Creator.  I don’t want my sons to treat women respectfully because they fear a dad sitting in the living room cleaning a gun.  I want my sons to fear God to whom they will give an account one day.

4.  That’s what you have to get, Sons — Real Manhood knows the heart of God for the daughters of His heart.

I want my sons to know that Real Manhood understands God’s love for men and women.

5.  Son, let everything you read of women be shaped by how Jesus sealed His view and value of women.

There is a beautiful piece of poetry in the center about Jesus’ view of women.  It is amazing.

May God make me a real man who will stand up for the value of women in the church.

May God make me a real father who will teach my sons to value women.

May God do the same to you.

david in hat - blackDr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources, a non-profit designed to minister to the needs of Emerging Adults and their parents.

 

 

The No. 1 Reason Teens Keeps the Faith as Young Adults

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sessums-mother-daughter-679867-h[1]This article was just released by the Huffington Post, and I thought that it would be an encouragement for parents of children, teens, or emerging adults.

Click here for the ARTICLE.

The article is based on research by Christian Smith and the National Study for Youth and Religion.  My favorite quote in the article by Christian Smith,   “No other conceivable causal influence … comes remotely close to matching the influence of parents on the religious faith and practices of youth.  Parents just dominate.” 

So go read the article, and then go DOMINATE your kids by speaking, teaching, and living your faith within your home and your relationships with them.  

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.  If he can encourage the parents in your community, please contact him at gdavid@earesources.org.