Tag Archives: Faith

Getting them to 30 – A Book Review

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Getting to 30 by Jeffrey Arnett and Elizabeth Fishel is an excellent read on a parent’s changing roles during the emerging adult years. The book does a great job of balancing research, stories, and practical suggestions for parents of emerging adults.

In a world that often calls young adults lazy and narcissistic, I applaud the positive perspective of emerging adulthood. They state that both 20-somethings and their parents “generally see themselves as being at a good time of life, characterized by freedom, fun, and excitement, a time to focus on themselves and find out who they really are.” (Arnett and Fishel, xi)

The book gives practical ideas about how parents can learn the “essential art of staying connected while stepping back.” (Arnett and Fishel, x) Parents need to understand that some of the struggle in their relationship with their children is because that, “the maturation process is two headed – Parent and Child need to mature into new roles.” (Arnett and Fishel, 69)

This book does not come from a specific religious perspective, but I believe that Christians will find its information and advice helpful.  It is the best book that I have read on the topic of parenting an emerging adult.

When addressing faith, the book states, “The best way to persuade children of the value of your faith is to show the fruits of it in your life, including your capacity to forgive your sons and daughters for not believing what you believe.” (Arnett and Fishel, 240)  Allowing your children to have true autonomy includes their decisions about faith. For parents who have children who have left the church, this can be a painful process, here is an article that I hope will help you in your journey.

If you have other suggestions of books about parenting emerging adults, please leave a note below.

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources, a non-profit designed to equip parents and churches to minister to emerging adults.

A New Swag Bag for Seniors – Rethinking the Church Graduation Rite of Passage

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Image via Wylio

 Spring is here, and many churches are set to once again launch a group of seniors.  Parties will be hosted.  Pictures will be shown.  Bibles will be distributed.  Graduation banquets will be held.  As someone who has led many of these events, here is my revised list of what I believe seniors should be given as they leave. 

Acknowledgment as an Adult

Within the church, emerging adults often wonder what the church expects from them.  Use this opportunity as a rite of passage to let them know that they will be treated and respected as full-members of the community.  Our banquets always included a word of encouragement from our senior pastor or pastor of adult ministries.    

Good Memories. 

I want them to remember moments of God’s goodness (and not simply memories of skit nights).  I want to provide times when they knew God’s presence was real.  I want to provide testimonies that show His mercy was undoubtable.  I want to provide times of reflection that engrave a knowledge of His goodness in their own lives.    

 Sharpened Social Skills. 

Most of our students had never experienced how difficult it can be to make new friends at a church, and so we literally walked through the entire process of finding a new church.   We changed their curriculum, roles, and experiences during their senior year to prepare them for departure.      

Unquestioned Support. 

 I want my students to leave with my cell phone, and the numbers of others who will continue to care for them.  I want them to know that absent does not mean forgotten.  Here is one simple way to communicate your continued care (The First Two Weeks). 

 A Hopeful Expectation of Spiritual Growth. 

Our students need to know that they don’t need to abandon their faith during college in order to be “normal.”  In contrast, I had several graduates whose spiritual growth exploded during their college years.  We need to rewrite the metanarrative of both adolescence and emerging adult as a great time to be a follower of Christ.  The church must guard the perspectives given about these phases of life.  

This new swag bag is not perfect, and I am sure that you will find it lacking.  What would you like to include in your senior swag bag? 

All of us who work with adolescents can rejoice that as they leave, they do not go alone.  The God who saw them through junior high retreats and senior high mission trips, God goes with them now. 

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Director of EA Resources, a non-profit designed to encourage and equip parents and churches to minister to emerging adults.  He is also the Founder of the EA Network.

 

 

Millennials and the Fuss over Authenticity

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Millennials value Authenticity. However, what does this really mean? People have asked me about what the Millennial’s meaning of authenticity, and how their perception is different than other generations.

There is a difference.

According to Karl Moore, in an article on Forbes called, “Authenticity:  The Way to the Millennial’s Heart”, he states that “We must better understand the postmodern worldview to effectively work with Millennials.”

I completely agree.

Photo courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2014. www.aaronrobertphotography.com

I believe that many problems faced by the institutional church are based on the inability of modernistic leadership to lead, communicate, or attract those with a postmodern worldview.  The gap between these two ways of viewing ourselves, our world, and our God have erupted into multiple problems for church unity, and the Kingdom of God.  Unfortunately, many Christians believe that the Christian faith can only exist within a modern mindset, and therefore those who speak about postmodernism are enemies of God.

However, God is neither Modern nor Postmodern.

The Christian faith can flourish within both the failings of modernity and the weaknesses of postmodernity.  I don’t have time to go into all these differences; however, let’s take a look at the concept of authenticity.

A Postmodern View of Authenticity

Modernity valued science and system.  Postmodernity reveals that science is limited, and systems are always lacking.

Modernity gave us answers as reason reigned on high.   Postmodernity gives us perspectives as diversity reigns.

Authenticity has always been marked by a consistency between declared beliefs and actions.  It is a personal resiliency in the face of changing environments. This aspect of the word remains the same.

The difference between the authenticity of a Millennial and those of other generations is often due to scope. Millennials understand their limited perspective, and are hesitant go beyond those borders.

Photo courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2014. www.aaronrobertphotography.com

Authenticity is limited to the essentials of firm personal beliefs rather than an array of causes and meanings that they are called upon to support from a church, a political party, or other clamoring institutions.  Those who call Millennials to adhere to set dogma will lose them. The louder the clamor, the faster they run.

It does not mean that they are against personal beliefs, but they are reluctant from having their beliefs be institutionalized.  Comprehensive theological systems are suspect, while individual freedom is applauded.  When the individual makes a commitment to an institution, they feel as if they have sold your personal perspective out. (Maybe this is why church membership is declining?  Source)

According to Moore, “Postmoderns want to be able to be themselves. They are not interested in playing “the game” their parents once did.” I am not a Millennial, but I remember growing up that our church used to condemn the playing of cards because they were a devise of the devil. It was part of the community’s dogma; however, our family always played with Euchre with cards.  When we attended church, we were sworn to secrecy. Millennials are not interested in this lifestyle; therefore, churches should only hold on to doctrine that is essential to their identity.

True authenticity doesn’t try to build a complete theological system, but acknowledges the gaps in their perspective.  It is not fearful of the holes in its worldview, and can be at rest with problems unresolved.

Millennials do not run from the truth.  I believe they are ruthless searchers for truth. They are not fearful of different perspectives. They value the input of others. They feel the stories of others enrich their lives rather than threaten them.

Authenticity is holding strictly to your individual beliefs rather than following an institution and adopting theological labels (such as premil/post-trib/Calvinist).

A call to authenticity often requires us to lead with the broken, the challenging, and the lacking in our lives. Not in order to find healing or fullness, but to acknowledge the humanity within each of us. It also requires us to support the perspective of others.

What do you think about authenticity?

 

david in hat - blackDr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.  He provides resources for parents, churches, and emerging adults.

 

Average Educational Debt and Inflation

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https://twitter.com/wsj/status/467631829882007553

I found this chart on the Wall Street Journal, and wanted to share it with my readers.  While the economy has improved over the last three years, the gap between earnings and educational debt has continued to grow.

It is more crucial than ever for…

As the church, we must seek to minister to people in various stages of life and the challenges they are facing.  May God guide and empower you as you seek to care for the emerging adults in your life.  If I can help, please let me know.

david in hat - blackDr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources, a non-profit designed to encourage parents and churches as they seek to minister to emerging adults.

 

 

Are you a Helicopter Parent? 10 Indicators of your Status

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http://www.theonlinerocket.com/opinion/2014/09/11/helicopter-parents-ruin-college-life/#

1.    Have you filled out a college or job application for your child?

2.  Have you made a doctor’s appointment for your adult child?

3.  Do you text your child repeatedly only to be ignored?

4.  Does it bother you that you cannot check their missing homework assignments and grades on-line?

5.  Have you called or attempted to talk to your child’s professor?

6.  Do you regularly ask about what they ate for their last meal?

7.  Do you check their bank account balances?

8.  Do you still do their laundry?

9.  Are you still trying to determine their friends and dating partners?

10.  Do you need to have confirmation that they are home each night                and sleeping well?

While some of these questions might be appropriate for a parent to occasionally ask, if you answered yes to several of these questions, you are “hovering.”

If you answered yes,

9-10  You are hovering extremely low, and danger lies ahead for you and your child.

6-8 You are suffocating them, and any of their friends that you haven’t already scared away.

3-5 You are directly overhead, and your child is trying to run for cover.

1-2    Great job!  You have found new ways to show love to your child as they step into adulthood.

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources, a non-profit designed to encourage emerging adults and their parents.

 

 

 

 

Churches Seeking Millennials for all the Wrong Reasons

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© 2013 NCinDC, Flickr | CC-BY-ND | via Wylio

What is fueling the fire among churches to reach Millennials?  Our motivation is important to consider before making decisions.  If your church is seeking to minister to Millennials, take a moment to ponder these misguided motivators.

1.  To Bring in Money

If you are looking to build your budget this way, you probably would have better luck winning the lottery.  While some emerging adults are actively giving to their communities, many emerging adults are struggling financially, and are not at a stage of life to make large contributions to their community.  Even among Christians who tithe, many emerging adults don’t believe that this concept is limited to local church giving, but have the freedom to give anywhere to further the Kingdom of God.  Regardless, money should not be a motivating fact when considering to whom God has called us to serve (James 2)

2.  To Maintain a “Youthful” Image

© 2008 Richard foster, Flickr | CC-BY-SA | via Wylio

Image is everything, and sometimes we target young couples to make ourselves appear fresh and vibrant.  Many churches fill their websites with pictures of hip young professionals and young families (Like this one to the left!).    Judging people and showing favoritism based upon the individual’s age (also called ageism) is wrong.

 

3.  To Secure the Future of the Church

The future of the church is not at stake.  It is God’s church, and He has always reserved a remnant of his people unto Himself (Romans 11:4).  If you have the attitude that the “sky is falling” in regards to Millennials and the future of the church, they will not come, but flee.

4.  To Keep the Youth Pastor Busy

© 2012 Mike Mozart, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

Aside from the popular perception that youth workers only drink Mountain Dew while playing video games, many youth workers have zero to little margin in their work or private lives.  While this isn’t usually a reason why churches start an emerging adult ministry, youth workers are often the first person expected to lead this ministry.  Here are some reasons why I disagree.

5.  To Silence complaining Parents

Parents of emerging adults are struggling, and we should be providing encouragement (This is why EA Resources exists!); however, don’t allow your vision to be formed from discontent voices.  Just because an elder or core family is struggling is not sufficient to sustain a healthy ministry especially if that ministry is only to provide something for their “age group.”  It is important for churches to understand human development, and determine their vision for young adults.  (Here are some questions to guide your community to form a vision.)

While few churches would profess to these sources of motivation, the potential for these unhealthy motivators exists within EVERY church. 

If these motivators remain unbridled, then your ministry has a rough road ahead.  Remind your team regularly why Emerging Adults are important to the church, and why you are doing this work.

Here are some proper sources of motivation:

© 2007 Atli Harðarson, Flickr | CC-BY-ND | via Wylio

They are the Lost Sheep.

Emerging adults are not attending our community, but God has called us to love them.  Let us go out and seek after those who have left the church, and try to understand why they have left.  Let us seek a humble heart, and ask God how He can use us to bring them back.

They are Lost among the flock.

Emerging adults are members of our community, and so we need to seek to minister to them.  They are sticking around, and you are not sure what to do about it.  Rather than just start an extension of youth group or pushing them to serve in youth ministry, the church needs to determine what do we expect of them, and how can we help them fully mature. (Click Here to Read How you can Start!)

The Flock needs them.

We need them as much as they need us. (Read More – The Disfigured body of Christ)

david in hat - blackDr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.  He has a passion to equip parents and churches to understand the emerging adults in their lives.  If he can help you or your community, contact him at gdavid@earesources.org.

 

7 Reasons NOT to bring Emerging Adults under your Youth Ministry

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Photo Courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2014. www.aaronrobertphotography.com

One of the first obstacles to overcome when a community desires to minister to emerging adults is the question of leadership.  As already overwhelmed staff and volunteers exchanged fearful glances around the table, this question of responsibility often keeps church communities from moving ahead.  Continue reading →

Beyond Mentoring – Marks of a Symbiotic Relationship

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Photo Courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2013. www.aaronrobertphotography.com

Last month, I shared how the church needs to think beyond mentoring to engage emerging adults.  Mentoring often gives the impression of an omnidirectional relationship where one person gives and one receives.  Our economic mindset has also set the image of a mentor as one who stands in authority over another, and who serves as a gatekeeper for wealth, knowledge, or fame.

The church needs to go beyond mentoring.  Rather than succumbing to our western society which values independence, the church needs to rediscover its roots in our interdependence.  God created the church to do more than gather together, but to need each other.  One picture used regularly to illustrate the interdependence of the church is the body of Christ (see 1 Cor 12; Rom 12).

Christians should be seeking symbiotic relationships, where each partner benefits from the relationship without assumptions of power, rank, or importance.  A symbiotic relationship is a connection that is for the mutual benefit of each individual.  Here are some marks of symbiotic relationships:

Relational versus Programmatic

Photo Courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2014. www.aaronrobertphotography.com

We were designed by God to be in relationships with others.  Church leadership needs to manage less programs, and become more relationally perceptive.  Shepherds need to see who within our community would naturally connect in symbiotic relationships.

In nature, symbiotic relationships develop because both animals see the need, and are drawn by the natural benefits of the relationship.  Those seeking relationships must ask, “Who has God placed near me?” and “Who am I naturally drawn towards?”

Authentic versus Staged

In typical mentorships, the mentor must come with the gathering staged or set.  Whether it is a set list of questions, a specific topic, or even to allow the meeting unplanned, the mentor feels responsible for setting the stage.  When this responsibility is laid solely upon one member, it can lead to a lack of authenticity.

Symbiotic relationships still require intentionality, but the responsibility is shared.  Intentionality turns hanging out with a friend into building spiritual intimacy.  Someone must lead the discussion towards our faith, and then allow the Holy Spirit to steer the time towards sacred space.

Learning versus Teaching

In symbiotic relationships, participants approach the relationship saying, “What can I learn?”  Teaching is the natural outflow of two different parts of the Body of Christ working together, occurring without a lesson plan as the Spirit speaks through His word, the conversation, and sharing life.

Purpose-giving versus Purpose-driven

Rarely do people want to be someone else’s purpose-driven spiritual project.  Unfortunately, sometimes mentors believe that they know exactly what their partner needs.   (For instance, “I need to show them…”, or “They need to learn…”).  One individual controls the relationship rather than letting God work freely.  God always set the agenda of symbiotic relationship.

Symbiotic relationships provide personal significance.  Our motivation for the relationship is not because I am supposed to do it, but because I see how my life matters to another person.  As we walk away from a symbiotic relationship, both people are thinking, “Wow, I needed that.”

Many people who use the term “mentor” have already moved beyond the stereotypical and possibly unhealthy uses of the role.  Regardless of the term you use, as a member of the Body of Christ, seek interdependent relationships.

david in hat - blackDr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of Emerging Adult Resources.  He resides in Apple Valley, MN with his wife Rachel and three boys.  If you would like to contact him, you can reach him at gdavid@earesources.org.

Your Job Isn’t the Problem.

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Your Job Isn't the Problem, Your Attitude IsAre you in a job that isn’t what you had always dreamed about?  Here is an article that teaches a proper perspective of work.

Another recent article by CBS suggests that Millennials are too spoiled for the workplace.  I don’t believe in generation bashing.  It is unhealthy for society and the Church.

Anyone (regardless of age) can struggle with their current job for multiple reasons including stress, co-workers, or tasks.  A proper view of work and vocation is essential to keeping a positive attitude towards where God has currently placed you.

A proper view of vocation is also essential to a biblical view of adulthood.

If you are currently struggling with your current work, take a moment to read these links and ask God to give you a proper perspective towards what He has called you to do.

 

The No. 1 Reason Teens Keeps the Faith as Young Adults

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sessums-mother-daughter-679867-h[1]This article was just released by the Huffington Post, and I thought that it would be an encouragement for parents of children, teens, or emerging adults.

Click here for the ARTICLE.

The article is based on research by Christian Smith and the National Study for Youth and Religion.  My favorite quote in the article by Christian Smith,   “No other conceivable causal influence … comes remotely close to matching the influence of parents on the religious faith and practices of youth.  Parents just dominate.” 

So go read the article, and then go DOMINATE your kids by speaking, teaching, and living your faith within your home and your relationships with them.  

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.  If he can encourage the parents in your community, please contact him at gdavid@earesources.org.