Tag Archives: Faith

Ministering to emerging adults during a Global Pandemic

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Not many of us had any idea what 2020 and the Covid virus would mean for our churches, our schools, our communities.  Due to major shifts in the lifestyles of emerging adults including:  high unemployment, closed campuses, and social distancing – the ways in which we minister to emerging adults must also shift.

Here are a few things that may appear simple, but will prove more essential than getting them to attend your Zoom hangouts.

  1.  Help them process.

I was on a mission trip with 20 college students in the mountains of Virginia working on construction projects.  Throughout the week, college group after group were forced home early due to their campuses and all activities being shut down.  Even separated in the mountains from the news of Covid, and lack of social media – the students were scared.  They had never experienced anything like this before – and neither had I.

They had a ton of questions (What about my classes?  My grades? My internship? My parents? My financial aid?  My graduation?) The practical questions came first – and nobody had answers at the time.  Even without answers, voicing their questions allowed them to be heard, and provided the empathy that they needed. Although they asked the same questions over and over, they needed this repetition to process the changes.

Processing these questions together on a service trip helped build community.  They no longer felt alone in facing these changes, but they knew that they had others around them to listen and support them. Processing their losses (through lament), and finding things to celebrate together is crucial for them to keep moving forward.

2.  Provide companionship.

This season of social isolation has been difficult  because social isolation erodes our emotional health.  Combining social isolation with other losses and disappointments is a double whammy to emerging adults.  High school seniors lost spring sports, graduations, and proms.  College seniors also missed many events – and have now graduated into a struggling economy with high levels of unemployment.  As those who work with emerging adults – we need to be ready to provide sympathy and understanding when they fret over their college loans coming due this fall.  

Companionship is crucial when facing uncertainty.  You can provide companionship by acknowledging their losses, and reminding them that they are not alone.  This doesn’t mean you need to function as their therapist, job recruiter, or educational consultant (although stepping into some of those roles is sometimes needed), but they need consistent check-ins.  Regular communication with emerging adults you are close to – can help them feel grounded and not alone. Their typical modes of communication (email, social media, text, phone) may have shifted over the last few months, so make sure that you know how best to reach them.

3.  Point to faith, not fear.

In these times of uncertainty, we all need to turn to faith and not allow our fears to direct our decisions.  In the midst of fear, emerging adults may make bad decisions and turn to addictions, old routines, or unhealthy patterns (like spending or eating).  In this chaos, we must constantly be providing a steady voice in their storm (even if we feel unsteady ourselves at times).  We provide a voice that calls them to faith in a God who is with them and knows the future.

What have you found helpful to ministering to emerging adults during social isolation?  Leave your comments below.

Asking Good Questions

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Asking good questions is critical for building a relationship – this is especially important in mentoring relationships.  Yet many of us struggle to form questions that allow people to answer without feeling judged.  One of the questions that emerging adults dread is “How’s school?”  This question is especially heinous to emerging adults who are not attending college, or have dropped out.

Good questions are open-ended, and lead to reflection rather than to pat answers.  As a mentor, you don’t want to answer their questions and make decisions, but to guide them as they reflect on their lives, and make their own decisions.

  1. So how has that been working for you?
  2. Where do you think that this is going?
  3. What have you learned about yourself, about God, about the world?
  4. What can I do to support you?
  5. Does the Bible offer any direction for you?
  6. What do you think that you need to hear from God?
  7. What’s keeping you from _______________?
  8. What other resources do you have?
  9.  What do others think about this?  friends, parents, and other relationships?
  10.  What happened the last time that you did this?
  11.  What is the next right step?
  12. How will this matter in 5 years?  in 10 years?

I hope these encourage and guide you.   Please leave your favorite question in the comments below.

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Managing Director of EA Resources.  He loves being a dad, and shepherding emerging adults.  If he can help your faith community, please contact him. 

Four Obstacles to a Mentoring Relationship

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In order to build an atmosphere where a mentoring relationship can flourish, you must avoid these obstacles.

Constrained Time

Relationships do not develop overnight, but require time and attentiveness.  We cannot rush the process, but must allow enough space in our lives for a  relationship to develop.  Communities confined by a Sunday School hour, a weekly bible study, or events will simply remain programs without authentic community.  Quality relationships with emerging adults rarely develop within the confined timeframes of your programs.  If you want to build a community, you must be create space where time is not a factor, and moments seem to stand still.

Lack of Purpose

Your time together should go beyond simply “hanging out.”  Refuse activities where we simply exist in the same room (even superhero movie marathons – which are AWESOME), but that involve minimal personal engagement.  While watching movies can build bridges, leaders must be purposeful about building relationships.  We must regularly reach beyond the day-to-day business of life and move towards intimacy.

Limited Empathy

Empathy is a crucial skill for mentoring environments.  Other important social skills involve the ability ask questions, listen, encourage, and produce laughter.  When building a team, we must look for people with those skills which will naturally develop mentoring relationships. Empathy for those of other generations develops as you understand the challenges they face.  Webster Younce stated, “The best way to reach anyone or any generation is to take their views and perspectives seriously.”  If you don’t understand the challenges faced by emerging adults, then how can you expect to possess empathy for them?

Assigned Busywork

In order to build a mentoring environment, find meaningful work to them do.  Parks states, “The importance of giving young adults opportunity for genuine adult work and a felt sense that they are recognized as having the capacity to share shoulder-to-shoulder work with other adults cannot be overestimated.”  (Parks 2000)  We must invite emerging adults to the table so that we can do work side by side.  Look for work which will build community, and allow different generations to work side-by-side.  When a group has a common vision and truly labors towards that goal, you will be amazed at the relationships that will develop.

Other Links about Mentoring Environments:

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Managing Director of EA Resources.  if he can help your community reach understand the needs of emerging adults, please contact him.

Parenting Emerging Adults – Podcast by Steve Argue

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Equipping parents for each stage of their child’s development is important.  EA Resources is designed to gather resources for parents and churches who want to minister to the needs of emerging adults.

Here is a podcast by Steven Argue, who is an expert on emerging adulthood and faith.  He is also the parent of three emerging adults.

Click Here for the Podcast!

If you work regularly with Emerging Adults, connect with Steve and many others through joining the EA Network on Facebook.

Steve joined the Fuller Theological Seminary faculty in June 2015 in a hybrid role as assistant professor of youth, family, and culture and as an applied research strategist with the Fuller Youth Institute (FYI). He is a thought leader and researcher with decades of on-the-ground ministry experience.

Four Avenues of Growth within a Mentoring Community

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This and other images are available for free for those who minister to emerging adults. Find them on our free resources page.

A mentoring community allows emerging adults to be lead through change and development.  According to Sharon Parks, mentoring communities can take many forms including: a classroom cohort, a laboratory, athletic team, or residence hall.  (Article)  In these settings, there are several avenues (or means) of growth that cause spiritual development.  As a leader of a mentoring community, we need to be observant of what avenues of growth our group members might be traveling upon.

Growth Through Questioning

Churches need to be safe places where emerging adults can ask questions without judgement. Unless questions are clearly encouraged, most emerging adults will not ask what is really on their mind. Parks says, “There are too few networks of belonging in which young adults are encouraged to critically reflect on the primary images, symbols, and stories-ideologies-myths that shape their souls and their society.”  (Parks 2000, 124)  Leaders of mentoring communities must not fear questions or succumb to the pressure to provide all the answers. The purpose of questions is to promote dialogue rather than produce arguments, and to enjoy conversation rather than seek conversion to your point of view.

Some emerging adults do not feel safe asking questions regarding their belief systems due to their nature or up-bringing.   When emerging adults don’t know what to ask, mentors can pose “questions that go straight to the heart and the heart of the matter.” (Parks 2000, 132)  Leaders of mentoring communities encourage EA’s to form beliefs and provide resources to answer their questions.

Growth through Pain

This and other images are available for free for those who minister to emerging adults. Find them on our free resources page.

The expression – “No pain, no gain” is often true in our spiritual development.  Parks states, “Whether or not we hold a formal theory of change and growth, we know from our own experience that new life, insight, and transformation often arise out of circumstances that may be, initially at least, somewhat uncomfortable.  (Parks 2000, 109)  As mentors of EA’s, we should not seek to remove their pain, but seek to help them survive, reflect, and adapt. 

Growth through Reflection

We are living in a world filled with noise.  In fact, the absence of noise (and being left alone with our thoughts) can be terrifying.  Parks states, “a good mentoring environment in today’s world initiates young adults into ways of life that encourage them to build pause into the emerging patterns of their adult lives.  (Parks 2000, 115)  A mentoring community equips emerging adults to ask reflective questions:  What does this say about me? About God? About the world?  After posing these questions, a mentor should wait in silence and allow them to process and reflect.

Growth through Acceptance

A mentoring community is a place where members give and receive acceptance.  It “offers a network of belonging in which young adults feel recognized as who they really are, and as who they are becoming.”  (Parks 2000, 95)  Mentoring environments allow room to grow and change, and yet feel acceptance.  A community with belief and behavior boundaries can deter attachment for emerging adults who are still developing their identity and core beliefs.

In our churches, these four avenues of growth are not done in a vacuum, but in environments that seeks to foster faith in God through godly teaching and mentors where emerging adults are challenged to live a life surrendered to Jesus.  Our churches will be strengthened when we understand their needs during this phase of life and create mentoring communities.

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Managing Director of EA Resources, a nonprofit designed to equip parents and churches to minister to emerging adults.  If he can minister to your community, please contact him at gdavid@earesources.org.

 

The Difference Between Church-Based College Ministry and Campus-Based

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I read this article over the weekend, and thought it had some good thoughts for those working with emerging adults.  The author, Arliss served as Baptist Campus Minister at Arkansas State University for 32 years. He now serves as Leadership Development Consultant for the Collegiate Ministry office at Lifeway Christian Resources.

This image is available for download. Check out our Free Resources page for more information.

I spent 41 years doing campus based college ministry.  I recently started my second stint as an Interim Church Based College Minister.  One of the things I have believed in both positions is that a church based ministry should not look just like a campus based one.  There is and should be a difference in the two.  I would even go as far as to say that some churches are not doing a church based college ministry, but rather are doing their version of a campus based ministry.  The church I serve started the campus based BCM ministry on the local campus many years ago and continues to be one of it’s leading financial supporters.  So, we want it to succeed and we do not want to do anything that might harm what it is doing.

Read the rest of the article on Arliss’ website.

If you work with either church or campus-based ministry, join the EA Network. 

We need to come together for the sake of God’s Kingdom!

 

Five Dos and Don’ts when dropping off your college student

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Fall is upon us, and many campuses, are many schools are welcoming another record-breaking number of students.   It is a good idea for parents to have a role in the higher education of their children, but what is that role?  Are they simply there as pack mules for an over-abundance of clothes and a mini-fridge?  Should they take an active role in organizing the room and arranging their daily schedule?  For those parents who plan to drop off your student at college, here are a few things to make the trip productive and enjoyable.

1.  Talk about Expectations.

You may not know what to expect, but that doesn’t mean you won’t have expectations.  Remember that your child will also have expectations.  Make sure you discuss these expectations before you arrive.  Do they want you to spend the night nearby?   What role can siblings play (if any)?  What is important for them while you are there?  Asking good questions will set you to have a successful trip.

After you arrive, remember that their expectations might change quickly.  One emerging adult said, “Do your best to read the mood of your child.  Know when it’s time to leave (or stay), setting aside personal feelings.”   As a parent, you have learned to read your child, and if you are confused ask them.

2.  Meet the Suitemates.

While on campus, don’t focus entirely on the work of moving in, but meet those who will be living with your child.  If you are bad with names, make a list on your drive home, so when you child mentions their new friends, you will know who they are talking about.  This information is invaluable, and will provide a bridge between your worlds.

While meeting these students, one parents said, “Do not make quick judgments about peers on the dorm floor, they are placed there by God for a reason. “  There is a strong desire to share our perceptions and first impressions about those living with your child; however, parents must begin to let go and let them discern and decide who will be in their inner circle (community).

3.  Attend and See what you want.

© 2017 Hamza Butt, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

Most colleges offer information sessions for parents as part of their welcoming week.  If you want to stay and see a program, that doesn’t mean your child has to go.  If you want to take a walk around campus or visit the school cafeteria, your child doesn’t have to babysit you.  As parents, it is important that you get a feel of the campus, and what their new life will be like.

4.  Pray with them – and pray for them.

Leaving a child at school is big event in your life and your child, commemorate it.  Don’t let your final words be repeated sound bytes of your timeless wisdom.  One emerging adult said, “I really appreciated that they didn’t give me a bunch of last minute advice about how to live life on my own. I feel like the drop off is not the time or place!”  So in order to avoid the last-minute advice, plan to end with a time of family prayer.  Find a private space and time to pray with and over your child.  Now this will seem weird, if you haven’t built a lifestyle of praying together, but for the spiritually connected family, this is an absolute.  Your prayers don’t end with the amen, but that part of parenting goes on forever.

5.  Control your emotions

One mother said, “I needed to remind myself that this event is truly not about me, it involved me and caused much change in my life , but was the beginning of the independent journey for my child in God’s plan.”  You will face strong emotions, and it is important to keep those emotions in check while with your child, and then process them later in private with your spouse or a friend.  One parent said that, “I manage not to dissolve into tears until we exit the parking lot.”  Your student wants to know that you love them, but most could do without the public meltdown.  One EA writes, “Although I might feel embarrassed if mom starts crying, deep down I feel loved and will cherish it.”

One emerging adult said, “I loved that my parents dropped me off with my stuff (without telling me I had too much stuff), said congratulations, snapped pictures, and took off saying ‘Time to party.’”   When asked how it affected them, she said, “It made me deal with the reality that I need to grow up and take responsibility.”

Remember that you are not the only one facing strong emotions.  Your children will face a variety of emotions including fear, excitement, joy, and sorrow.  As you leave, make sure they know you will be there – no matter what comes their way.

Remember that as you leave their side, God remains.

Top questions to ask college students before they head to school

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Fall is upon us, and student will soon be packing their bags and leaving for college.  If your child is leaving, Kara Powell from the Fuller Youth Institute released this article about preparing your child for college.  Dr. Kara Powell is the Executive Director of the Fuller Youth Institute (FYI) and a faculty member at Fuller Theological Seminary.

When our oldest started high school, multiple older parents told me that high school would fly by. I didn’t believe them, but now that Nathan is diving into eleventh grade, I’ve jumped on the “high school goes so fast” bandwagon.

Here is the full article! 

Pass it along to someone you know is dropping off a student this fall.

If you work with emerging adults, please join Kara and other members of the Fuller Youth Institute as members of the EA Network – a networking site on Facebook.

Other resources:

 

Creating a Mentoring Community for Emerging Adults

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The three developmental tasks of adulthood are to discover vocation, establish autonomy, and develop community.  These tasks cannot be accomplished overnight, and emerging adults require support to accomplish these tasks.

In her book, Big Questions, Worthy Dreams, Sharon Parks states that one place where emerging adults can find this support is a mentoring community. Parks describes a mentoring community as “an environment or milieu that provides the right mix of support, challenge, opportunity, and inspiration.” (Article)  Mentoring communities can be formed in many social settings including: a classroom, laboratory, athletic team, residence hall, neighborhood or church. Regardless of the form, here is an overview of Park’s list of essential aspects for a mentoring community.

Park’s list of essential aspects for a mentoring community.

1.  Support

When developing a mentoring community, you must create an atmosphere where emerging adults feel supported through words and actions.  Although spiritual direction and encouragement are central to your ministry, your support must go beyond quips and Bible verses.  Your support must be abundantly clear, resulting in tangible acts.  Emerging adults must have their basic human needs met to focus on the developmental tasks of adulthood. (Read more about Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs as it pertains to adulthood.)

2.  Challenge

While providing support, you must also challenge emerging adults.  We must promote questions in order to cause growth and to stir them towards autonomy of beliefs and actions (Raising Expectations on Emerging Adults).  Good questions from mentors include: How is this working for you?, What do you think?, How would you respond?, and How does that apply or affect your life?

3.  Opportunity

Mentoring communities must provide opportunity.  Mentors seek to give meaningful work, training, and service opportunities to emerging adults.  These opportunities provide experiences and sharpen job skills which prepare emerging adults for future vocations.  Within your community, create opportunities where emerging adults can both serve and lead.

4.  Inspiration

Inspiration is essential to a mentoring environment.  Emerging adults must be “invited to imagine a future that can hold significance and purpose – both for self and for the larger world.”  (Article)  Inspiration produces hope, inspires dreams, and sparks motivation.  The living Word of God contains endless passages which can inspire emerging adults.

Each week as your community meets, evaluate whether or not you adding enough of these ingredients to help emerging adults grow and flourish.

If Dr. G. David Boyd can help your church design a community for emerging adults, you can contact him at gdavid@earesources.org.  If you work with emerging adults (18-25), check out the EA Network.

Resources:

Big Questions, Worthy Dreams by Sharon Parks

Living with Parents – outnumber all other forms of living arrangements.

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While we often hear about the growth of children living with their parents – these statistics are shocking.  The chart from Pew Research reveals the shifts in living arrangements that have occurred over the 134 years.

Broad demographic shifts in marital status, educational attainment and employment have transformed the way young adults in the U.S. are living, and a new Pew Research Center analysis of census data highlights the implications of these changes for the most basic element of their lives – where they call home. In 2014, for the first time in more than 130 years, adults ages 18 to 34 were slightly more likely to be living in their parents’ home than they were to be living with a spouse or partner in their own household.

Here is the full article.

Living with a parent is the most common young adult living arrangement for the first time on record

Here are few notes:

  • The most significant drop was among those married or cohabiting.
  • Please note the wide margin of age.  Many 18-22, may live with their parents during the summers only while not in college. The percentage rate among 18 year olds (living at home) is significantly higher than 34 year olds.
  • Education, race, and ethnicity are factors which affect the living arrangements of emerging adults.

While this might be difficult news to hear, many parents enjoy having their children back under their roof.

Maintaining a healthy relationship with your adult childwill require some adapting for both of you.

Other Resources:

 

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources, a nonprofit designed to equip parents and churches to minister to the needs of emerging adults.  If you have a question, you can reach him at gdavid@earesources.org.