Tag Archives: emerging adult

Millennial Exodus – Kristin’s Story

Posted on by 0

(This is part of a series written by Millennials who have either left or stuck with the church.  If you are a Millennial and would like to submit your work for publication, you will earn $100.  Here is the link.  To read more stories by Millennials search Millennial Exodus.  If you would like to fund our research among emerging adults, click here.)

Here is Kristin’s Story entitled, “I could leave.”

Why dig beneath the shallow surface of my mind when I know I will be looked at and treated differently due to my past and present struggles?

Why choose to put a label on myself when I know I will be thrown into the same category of hypocritical Christians to anyone that asks about my religious affiliation?

old church desertedWhy be a part of an institution that has strayed so far from its original intent due to power struggle and misguided missions of its leaders?

Why surround myself with people every Sunday when I know many will stab my back by Monday?

Why do I put myself through it? I could have left the church years ago. No one is making me stay. In fact, looking at my peers it seems like that is the easier way to go.

But instead I pour myself out, lay myself down, and open up my soul to this so-called “church.”  I could leave.  Why stay?

Jesus.

You may call this a Sunday school answer, but its not Sunday school I’m after.

I’m after Jesus’ own heart.  If he wasn’t still in the church I would be long gone.  The one who knows my future, my present, and my past.  The God whose very name covers me with a blanket of forgiveness and love.  The authentic, organic fire within my soul.

I could choose to leave the church. In fact, it would cause me less pain if I abandoned these modern-day Pharisees for good.  The people who make up the church are sick with sin. No one can be trusted. But I will continue to be vulnerable through it all with the people who are just as broken as me searching for the Ultimate Truth.  In the midst of all this brokenness, one fact remains:

Jesus is still there and He isn’t going anywhere.

So I’m not either.

Kristin AllenKristin Allen is a 22 year old from central Illinois serving as a Director of Christian Education in Escanaba, Michigan to complete her degree from Concordia University Chicago. She is happily engaged to her high school sweetheart. If it involves family, music, volleyball, or pizza – count her in.

Setting God’s Table – The Millennials Exodus

Posted on by 1

  

World Communion Table from Flickr via Wylio

© 2011 wplynn, Flickr | CC-BY-ND | via Wylio

(This is part of a series written by Millennials who have either left or stuck with the church.  If you are a Millennial and would like to submit your work for publication, you will earn $100.  Here is the link.  To read more stories about Millennials search Millennial Exodus.  If you would like to fund our research among emerging adults, click here.)

Here is Bethany’s story.

Confession time: I am hungry. I don’t mean for snacks; I mean spiritually, socially, meaningfully, hungry. And the church hasn’t exactly filled me up.

Not that I haven’t put in my part. I’ve attended churches across the spectrum, from the one with a steeple to the one that met in a yoga studio.

old church desertedI’ve heard great sermons and sung great music, but sermons and music are about as filling to a hungry soul as watching a cooking show is to a hungry body.

I long for community. I desire in the deepest way to know that my life means something, and that I’m not alone, and that God is real. I am a broken person in a broken world, and I want to be healed.

I have tasted these things in church, one bite at a time. There’s the pastor who invited me to lead worship and join the church council, though I was decades younger than the average member. There’s the church camp where I learned that every person–even me–is called by God to love and serve. There’s the nourishment of communion, and the people who look in my eyes every week and tell me that Christ’s body was broken for me.

Maybe I’m stubborn, but I’m refusing to give up on the church. I’m so hungry for a church that will feed my people, but these nibbles of grace are enough to keep me coming back. I’m here to set the table for God’s feast to come, where we will all be fed. I hope to see you there.

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled.” –Matthew 5:6

Bethany HeadshotBethany Ringdal is a student at Luther Seminary in St. Paul, Minnesota, where she is studying to become a Lutheran pastor. She’s a former camp director, a gardener and avid home-cook, and is being healed every day by the love of God. 

An Example of Generational Mediation – Tattoos

Posted on by 0

© 2009 Lisa Padilla, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

We met at my favorite spot – McDonalds, the home of free wifi and endless sweet tea.  The man immediately began to open up about his son, and how proud he was of his academic achievement and occupational accomplishments.  At twenty years old, his son was not a slacker or self-absorbed like most other Millennials (if you believe the media).  He was already financially self-sufficient, and held down a career job.  But in spite of his fatherly pride, something had robbed this father of the ability to enjoy his son.

His son was the last of four children, and had been born to the father much later in life.  The father expressed how often he struggled to understand his son in ways that he did not have with his other children who were almost ten years older.

tattooHe had asked his son to refrain from tattoos until he was twenty-one.  The father’s reasoning included the under-developed brain of emerging adults, his spiritual viewpoint of tattoos, and their long-term impact upon the individual’s body.   Although he couldn’t imagine how anyone would want a tattoo, he would allow his child this option at the proper age.

The son ignored his father’s wishes, and the father’s disappointment was obvious.  He was trying not to take his son’s decision personally, but it still hurt.  The reasons not to get a tattoo were so clear to him.  Why would anyone get a tattoo when “style” change so frequently?  He used the word “style” in reference to tattoos several times during our discussion.

I asked what he meant by “style” and he said.  “In our world clothing styles change every season, and hair styles change once every couple of months.  Why would you get a permanent tattoo?”

While growing up, I often heard people associate tattoos as a trend.  With a larger portion of the population getting inked in today’s world, few would categorized tattoos as a style or fad that changes change with time.  In my discussions with emerging adults, the decision to get a tattoo often reflected a life event, core belief, or part of their identity (more – Sacred Ink).

They are the opposite of a fad, but tattoos often reflect a person’s longing for permanence and search for uniqueness.  The process of globalization has made it even more difficult for people to establish their own place in our world.  Tattoos are a simple way for humans to create a marker of their identity.

As I began to speak, there was a beautiful moment as for the first time, the father understood his son’s perspective.  We sat in a quiet moment.  When our time ended, he turned to me and said, “I have learned a lot.  We should talk again.”

David - Prof 2Another day in the life of a generational mediator.

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Managing Director of EA Resources, a non-profit that seeks to equip churches and parents to minister to emerging adults.

 

3 REASONS COLLEGIATE DAY OF PRAYER MATTERS

Posted on by 0

 

For over 200 years the last Thursday of February has been set aside as a day to pray for the college campus. The campus that is a few blocks from your home. The campus that is located hundreds of miles from your city in a region of our country that has very little evangelical presence. The campus where you earned a degree. Collegiate Day of Prayer has a significant history in the spiritual awakenings that have been birthed in our nation on the college campuses.

Read more here!

Praying for those who leave for college campuses is very important, that is why, I believe every church should have at least one prayer campaign a year focused on college campuses.  If you want to launch a prayer campaign at your church, here is an idea.

Mark WhittMark Whitt writes about why the Collegiate Day of Prayer matters to your college ministry.   He is the Collegiate and Young Adult Specialist at LifeWay Christian Resources. Before joining LifeWay, he spent many years on the campus of Murray State University as a campus minister.

Living With Your Parents: How to Make It Work

Posted on by 0

I came across an article, and wanted to pass it along!

It’s not all bad; it’s also not all good.

Photo of a young adult Asian woman living with her parentsSo it happened. You thought you’d be on your own by now, but you’re not. Whether you’re trying to land a steady job, get out of debt, or finish college on the eight-year plan, if you’re living with your parents as a 20-something, you’re not alone. More than a third of 18 to 31 year olds are living with their parents, according to the Current Population Survey. Continue reading →

Living at Home as a Adult / Living at Home as a Child – Which are you?

Posted on by 0

According to research, “40% of 18 to 34 year olds are living at home with one parent or both.  Looking at the younger, 18-to 24 year-old group, more than half have moved back home, at least for a time, in the past few years- or never moved out.  Ther percentage is about the same for men and women.  (Arnett, Getting them to 30, 109)front door

In a society where more emerging adults are living at home, adulthood cannot be based upon markers such as living independently, but upon the deeper Biblical principles of Vocation, Autonomy, and Community.

While living at home still carries a negative stigma in many social circles, living at home is not always a negative experience – for the child or the parent.  “Almost 70% of young people 18-34 who are living at home with their parents say they are very satisfied with family life.”  (Arnett, 110)

In this video, the speaker makes several points to illustrate the difference between someone who lives with parents as an adult versus someone who lives at home with an immature perspective.

Here is a link to the full video.

Living at Home

www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGV_YBM0KXQ

The video states that those who live at home as a Child…

  • treat the home as a hotel.
  • are frivolous spenders.
  • always have something to prove.

Those who live at home as an Adult…

  • always contribute.
  • are not afraid to serve parents and siblings.
  • respect their parents wishes and home.

While the fact that you are living with your parents does not make you a child, how you act while living at home does indicate your maturity.

One of the first points made in the video is that there are several healthy reasons why children choose to live with their parents (including finances and physical health).  While the predominant western mindset values living independently, many cultures have always valued communal living for extended families.

So are you living at home like an Adult or a Child?

Other Links:

Getting them to 30 – A Book Review

Posted on by 0

Getting to 30 by Jeffrey Arnett and Elizabeth Fishel is an excellent read on a parent’s changing roles during the emerging adult years. The book does a great job of balancing research, stories, and practical suggestions for parents of emerging adults.

In a world that often calls young adults lazy and narcissistic, I applaud the positive perspective of emerging adulthood. They state that both 20-somethings and their parents “generally see themselves as being at a good time of life, characterized by freedom, fun, and excitement, a time to focus on themselves and find out who they really are.” (Arnett and Fishel, xi)

The book gives practical ideas about how parents can learn the “essential art of staying connected while stepping back.” (Arnett and Fishel, x) Parents need to understand that some of the struggle in their relationship with their children is because that, “the maturation process is two headed – Parent and Child need to mature into new roles.” (Arnett and Fishel, 69)

This book does not come from a specific religious perspective, but I believe that Christians will find its information and advice helpful.  It is the best book that I have read on the topic of parenting an emerging adult.

When addressing faith, the book states, “The best way to persuade children of the value of your faith is to show the fruits of it in your life, including your capacity to forgive your sons and daughters for not believing what you believe.” (Arnett and Fishel, 240)  Allowing your children to have true autonomy includes their decisions about faith. For parents who have children who have left the church, this can be a painful process, here is an article that I hope will help you in your journey.

If you have other suggestions of books about parenting emerging adults, please leave a note below.

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources, a non-profit designed to equip parents and churches to minister to emerging adults.

I’m Gay – How to respond to your child.

Posted on by 1

Picture

Some parents believe that the worst thing that their child could ever say to them are the words, “I’m Gay.” This article does a great job discussing the issue of SSA (Same-Sex Attraction), and helping parents gain a better perspective.

The actual title of this article is “Help, My kid is struggling.”  I changed it for this page only because I wanted to make the content of the piece more available for those looking for advice.

Here is the LINK!

Picture

Matt and Laurie run a ministry called “Hole in My Heart” Ministries.  You can learn more about their story on their  website.

Great Website Resources for Parents of Emerging Adults

Posted on by 0

Photo Courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2013. www.aaronrobertphotography.com

Parenting an emerging adult is not always easy.  EA Resources is designed to provide resources to equip parents to prepare them for the journey ahead.

Here are some great sources to bookmark, or to subscribe to their e-mail subscriptions.  They provide great insight into the challenges faced by emerging adults and their parents.

About Parenting

Relevant Magazine

College Affordability

Saving 4 College

Boundless

Sticky Faith

Center for Parent and Youth Understanding

If you know of a resource, please send me a link at gdavid@earesources.org.

 

5 Struggles of Emerging Adults and How Your Church can Help.

Posted on by 0

As the Church, our purpose in helping Emerging adults is not to remove their pain or struggles, but to walk alongside them in the journey.  In Essential Church, Thom and Sam Rainer believe that churches must become essential once again to the lives of people – especially emerging adults.  Your church can become essential to the life of emerging adults, if it understands and seeks to minister to their greatest sources of struggle.

1.  Lack of Direction

aaron in woods

Photo Courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2014. www.aaronrobertphotography.com

Emerging adults face endless opportunities, but often lack the ability to make decisions (link to decision making).  This does not mean we make decisions for them, but we can seek to provide people and resources that can empower them to make their own decisions.  Do emerging adults in your community have easy avenues to connect with mentors, or does your church provide a mentoring community that can help them find direction? 

 2.  Lack of Stability

Young adults face regular transitions, and so a stable environment is crucial to your ministry (including regular meeting times and consistent leadership).  Emerging adults do not want to meet a new group of people each Sunday.  They want someone to know their name, and offer an understanding ear for their lives.  Do emerging adults at your church should know who they can turn to when they are in need?

 3.  Lack of Community

While attending college, many emerging adults only have a few months to connect before they face a new transition.  This leaves both sides asking whether or not the investment is worth it.  How long does it take for the average person to connect to your church body?  Assimilation into your community must be quick and effective.  While these relationships do not have to be peer-centered, they should be peer-sensitive. The emerging adult years are filled with transitions due to changing jobs, housing, and relationships; therefore, a church that ministers to emerging adults will provide clear channels for them to quickly connect.  Do emerging adults know who they can sit by?

 4.  Lack of Vocational Experience

rachel parsons

Photo Courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2014. www.aaronrobertphotography.com

Whether currently taking classes or graduated, emerging adults are either looking for work or gaining work skills.  Churches must understand that vocation should not be limited to a side topic, but that vocation is directly connected to the mission of Jesus Christ.  A church who ministers to emerging adults will find people who can provide vocation mentorship, guidance, and internships for emerging adults.  Another way to help emerging adults gain skills includes:  childcare, sound technology, video technology, leadership, teaching and public speaking skills.  All of these skills can serve emerging adults as future job skills.  Do emerging adults know you care about their vocational lives?

 5.  Distance from Family

Many emerging adults are away from their families, and long for “family experiences.” This is especially true when a family member has died or is facing an illness.  Train and equip your people to provide moments when they feel your church is truly a family.  For example, one couple opened up their home every Sunday afternoon to college students.  This couple wanted students to have a home-cooked meal around a table where they would feel loved.  After lunch, the students could then sprawl out in the living room to watch football or take a nap.  Do you make emerging adults feel at home?

As a church, you must plan ways to meet EAs in their struggles.

If you do, they will come.

If you do, they will stay.

If you do, more will come – for your community will not be entertainment, but essential to their lives.

david in hat - blackDr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources, a non-profit driven to encourage and provide resources to Emerging Adults and their parents.  If we can help your community minister to Emerging Adults, contact David at gdavid@earesources.org.

 

 

 

Recommended Resources:

                            Big Questions, Worthy Dreams by Sharon Parks

                           Shaping the Journey of Emerging Adults by Jana Sundene

                           Essential Church by Thom and Sam Rainer

                          Spiritual Formation in Emerging Adulthood by David Setran and Chris Kiesling