Tag Archives: Church

4 Lies Church Taught Me about Sex

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I found this article well-written, and true as I work regularly with those who were raised in the church, and are now married.

Two Quotes:

“Those of us who choose to wait do so because we hold certain beliefs about the sacredness of marriage and about God’s intentions and wishes for humanity, and we honor these regardless of whether they feel easier or harder.”

We do not refrain from sex because God will bless our sex lives.  We seek to glorify God with our lives before we are married by remaining pure.  We glorify God after marriage by enjoying His gift of sex.

“In the meantime, we in the evangelical church has a lot of work to do correcting the distorted ways we talk about sex and sexuality, especially to our youth.”

No youth pastor has ever tried confuse their students about sex, but it happens.  Even if we are careful about what we teach, we cannot control how it is heard.  However, perspectives like this are helpful as we try to address the sexual purity that is so desperately needed in our society without directing our sheep into other errors.

Read the Article here.

Dr. G. David Boyd

Dealing with the Dark Side of Church History (for Parents)

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As children grow up, it is important to acknowledge that the historical church has not always stood on the right side of issues.  Due to human weaknesses, the church isn’t perfect; and therefore has a few skeletons in her closet.  For example, early church leaders claimed that the earth was in the center of the universe, and persecuted those who supported Copernicus’ theory of a sun-centered solar system.  Galileo, a scientist was arrested and placed under house arrest for supporting Copernicus’ theory.

The church definitely has a list of dark moments including: the Crusades, various periods of witch trials, slavery, domestic abuse, and the concept of “Manifest Destiny.”  Church leaders sometimes defended the atrocities of their times using bias interpretations of the Bible, while at other times they remained silent.

Bringing up the ugly past of the church may be difficult, but it is crucial for the healthy development of emerging adults.  EA’s need to have a clear understanding of church history before discovering these flaws in an academic environment that can be hostile to their faith.  Some emerging adults feel as if they have been deceived by parents and the church and causes them to be disillusioned with their faith.

Rather than covering up past failures, the church should be open about confessing its faults, and seek to be an authentic institution being led into change by the Holy Spirit to redeem the world and further God’s Kingdom.  In the Old Testament, illustrates the ups and downs of God’s people, why do we feel as if the church today would not have issues?

So here are a few thoughts to help you discuss with your emerging adults through the Dark Side of Church History.

1.            Be Honest about the past.

Acknowledge the church didn’t stand on the right side.  The church and its theology has been greatly affected throughout history by race, power, and politics.  Decisions on how the Bible should be interpreted were highly influenced by more than just the Holy Spirit, but were often taken over by sinful human will.  All of us approach scripture with a biased perception and often interpret the Bible to support our views.

Acknowledge the church didn’t stand on the same side.  During Hitler’s rise to power, the church split over their support for the dictator.  Martin Niemöller and Dietrich Bonhoeffer were two leaders of the German church who opposed him, and put their lives in jeopardy to stand for what they believed.  Sometimes church leaders changed their positions as the culture and climate changed.

In the United States, most churches in the south supported slavery, while other Christians fought for abolition.  Their beliefs were highly influenced by geographical location.  Different beliefs towards slavery divided denominations; divisions that still exist today.

While the past is dark, emerging adults can handle the truth.

2.            Don’t speak for the Past.

This wreath and doll was one of many left at the memorial this week. The memorial is for those persecuted in the Salem witch trials in Massachusetts in 1692.The text on the doll reads:Hatred and prejudice now banishedLet love resideAcross ...As a Christian, you don’t have to speak for the past.  Your child needs to understand that they don’t need to be the defense attorney for Christianity in their Introduction to Philosophy class.  Our limited perspective doesn’t allow us too. You were not there, and you will not be held accountable for the failures of others.

However, you can mourn the past, and be sorrowful over what has occurred.  Discover ways to identify with the past, and understand the issues.  (For example, I suggest watching 12 Years a Slave in order to address the difficulties of slavery.)  Identifying with those wronged by the church will help us develop empathy, and enable us to direct them to Christ.

3.            Learn from the Past.

When examining the Old Testament, Paul states that we should remember to learn from their example, and to respond in humility.  I Corinthians 10:11 says, “Now these things happened to them as an example, and they were written for our instruction, upon whom the ends of the ages have come. Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed that he does not fall.…”

God is the judge, and so let Him judge the past actions of others.  However, we can learn from them, and examine our own beliefs and actions.

The church is not yet perfect.  God is redeeming the church and our world.  We are called to follow God and work to further His Kingdom.  Each generation is bound to make mistakes, just as those before us.  There is a desperate need for humility as we approaches the Word, while discerning how to respond to social issues.

The church is not perfect, it is only spotless by the blood of Jesus.

Dealing with the Dark Side of Church History (EA Version)

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Have you ever been in a group when the conversation turned to religious abuse, or the dark side of the church?  Inwardly you stomach starts to churn, and your hands begin to sweat.

The church definitely has a long list of dark moments including: the Crusades, witch trials, slavery, domestic abuse, and the concept of “Manifest Destiny.”  Church leaders sometimes defended the atrocities of their times using bias interpretations of the Bible, while at other times they were silent.

Rather than covering up these past failures, the church should be open about confessing its faults, and be authentic about how it is an institution being led into change by the Holy Spirit to redeem the world and further God’s Kingdom.

If church history becomes a discussion in the classroom, or in the dorm, here are a few thoughts to help you discuss the Dark Side of Church History.

1.            Be Honest about the past.

Acknowledge the church didn’t stand on the right side.  Early church leaders claimed that the earth was in the center of the universe, and persecuted those who supported Copernicus’ theory.  Galileo was placed under house arrest for his writings.

This wreath and doll was one of many left at the memorial this week. The memorial is for those persecuted in the Salem witch trials in Massachusetts in 1692.The text on the doll reads:Hatred and prejudice now banishedLet love resideAcross ...

Memorial in Salem Massachusetts

The church and its theology has been greatly affected throughout history by race, power, and politics.  Decisions on how the Bible should be interpreted were highly influenced by more than just the Holy Spirit, but were often taken over by sinful human will.  All of us approach scripture with a biased perception and often interpret the Bible to support our views.

The church and its theology has been greatly affected throughout history by race, power, ethnicity.   Studying church history showed me how issues of race shaped aspects of our theology.   All of us approach scripture with a biased perception and often interpret the Bible to support our views.

Finding fault in the church is not the same as finding fault with God.  The church becomes spotless bride in heaven through the blood of Jesus.  Right now, the church has more than its share of faults and issues.

Acknowledge that sometimes the church didn’t agree with each issue.  During Hitler’s rise to power, the church split over their support for the dictator.  Martin Niemöller and Dietrich Bonhoeffer were two leaders of the church in Germany who opposed him, and put their lives in jeopardy to stand for what they believed.  Sometimes church leaders changed their positions as the culture and climate changed.

In the United States, churches in the south often supported slavery, while many other Christians fought for abolition.  This division was often based on their geographical location with southern churches using the Bible to support the concept of slavery.

While the past is dark, we…

2.            Don’t speak for the Past.

As a Christian, you don’t have to speak for the past.  You are not the defense attorney for Christianity in your Introduction to Philosophy class.  Our limited perspective doesn’t allow us too. You were not there, and you will not be held accountable for the failures of others.

However, you can mourn the past, and be sorrowful over what has occurred.  Discover ways to identify with the past, and understand the issues.  (For example, I suggest watching 12 Years a Slave in order to address the difficulties of slavery.)  Identifying with those wronged by the church will help us develop empathy, and enable us to better speak and direct them to Christ.

3.            Learn from the Past.

As a child, I remember the day when I pick a fight with my neighbor Tommy who was older and weighed fifty pounds more than me.  Within a few minutes, I was pinned under that weight, and helpless.  It was the last day, I fought with Tommy.

When examining the past of the church, Paul states that we should remember to learn from past examples, and remember that all of us are susceptible to failure.  I Corinthians 10:11 says, “Now these things happened to them as an example, and they were written for our instruction, upon whom the ends of the ages have come. Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed that he does not fall.…”

God is the judge, and so let Him judge the past actions of others.  However, we can learn from them, and examine our own beliefs and actions.

Remember God is redeeming the church and our world.  We are called to follow God and work to further His Kingdom.  Your generation is bound to make mistakes, just as those before you.  There is desperate need for humility as the church approaches the Word, while discerning how to respond to social issues.

The church is not perfect, it is only spotless by the blood of Jesus.

Your Church is Not Alone…

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churchIf your high school student are disappearing after graduation…

If having “more youth” means having more babies…

If your congregation is greying…

If you are still confused by what a Millennial is, let alone how it matters to your church…

If you pray, and pray, and pray, and see no change …

If the young know what is wrong with your church…

If the old know what is wrong with your church…

If these two sides cannot agree on anything…

If your parents of emerging adults are suffering in shame over their kids…

If your emerging adults are suffering in shame over themselves…

If your parents of high school students are scared of what lies ahead…

If you have a passion to see the generations united…

If you no longer want to fear what lies ahead…

If you want to make a difference…

 

You are not alone, but normal.  Welcome to normal.  We can help.

EA Resources is dedicated to helping churches understand the world of Emerging Adults.  We hold seminars on parenting emerging adults, preparing adolescents for emerging adulthood, and helping churches understand Millennials.  If we can help your community, please contact Dr. G. David Boyd at gdavid@earesources.org.

Engaging Gamers within the Church

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video gamer stats pictureOne principle of writing is to write about what you know about.  While all writers sometimes break that rule, video gaming is one topic that I know very well.  My gaming began in the early days with Pitfall, Pacman, and Frogger.  It became an obsession when my mother bought me a Nintendo for Christmas (she still regrets that day).  Currently, my favorite games include:  Marvel Legos, Clash of Clans, Game of War, and Skyrim.

In my life, I have often used my love for gaming to build relationships with other gamers within the religious community.  However, many churches do not know how to engage this segment of our society.  I actually find that church communities are hostile to those who enjoy gaming.

Why do we celebrate when people watch hours of sporting events a week (and even fantasy sporting events); and yet if someone spends that same time playing video games, they are labeled as immature, nerdy, and lazy?

If your community is ready to embrace and engage gamers, here are few things you should know.

1.    The gaming industry is not something to ignore. 

About two-thirds of Americans (211.5 million) play video games in the U.S (statistics).  This means that your church is filled with gamers, but many of them are afraid to admit it due to the negative stereotypes placed on gamers by judgmental Christians.

Not only are gamers influential by numbers, but many gamers have financial resources.  Although I do not spend much money on this hobby, most gamers are willing to spend money.  (I buy clearance used games, and never pay for game up-grades)  Consumers spent 20.77 billion dollars in 2012 on this industry.  In my small clan of 100 people in Game of War, the group probably spends approximately $8000 a month.  This is not in subscription fees to play, but for added game bonuses.

I do not think that the church should start producing Christian video games, or provide gaming counsels during the worship services.  I am not saying that the church should hold HALO tournaments (a top-grossing game), or promote Grand Theft Auto.  However, the church needs to begin discussions about the ramifications of gaming on our society, our faith, and the church.

2.     The gaming industry is breaking stereotypes.

The gaming community is not a nerdy, reclusive segment of our society.  While there are people who are both nerdy and reclusive in this community, gamers can no longer be stereotyped.  Most people would envision the gaming community to be composed entirely of adolescent and emerging adult males.  However, the statistics show a much broader image. Only 25% of gamers are in high school, while 26% are over the age of fifty.  (This statistic shocked even me, because this group didn’t grow up on Nintendo.)

video gamer stats 2The gaming community is not restricted to men.  Statistics show that 40% of gamers are females.  On-line gaming communities are FILLED with women, who are not trying to pick-up dates, but are serious about gaming.  Stereotyping gamers reveals a person’s ignorance about our culture, and a lack of relevance to culture today.

The church can engage gamers when negative stereotypes are removed from the activity.  We don’t shame people from watching television, playing sports, or watching sports.  Why are gamers mocked publicly in messages and characterized as immature?  I believe this causes many gamers to not share who they are at church because of their fear of being publicly shamed.  Discernment should be used as to what a person is allowing into their thoughts, but gaming is not inherently evil.  Just as other hobbies are not.

The church has the opportunity to show the gaming community that they are an important part of our society, and that their faith matters in our world.  Look for opportunities to share examples and stories from the gaming world.  Video games examples can be found that cover a range of topics including:  purity, values, bullying, teamwork, and courage.

3.     The gaming community can be mobilized the                  Kingdom. 

Gamers can be mobilized not because of their love of games, but because they are followers of Christ who have the Spirit working within them.

Gaming is not my life.  It is a hobby.  When I engage my hobby, I want to be the hands and feet of Jesus to this community.  In the last month, our gaming community has discussed:  death, drugs, alcohol, cancer, and unemployment.  Although we live all over the globe, these connections and conversations are real.

A new message can be conveyed to gamers.  I will be excited when the day comes and I hear someone talk about their gaming experience from the pulpit.  I will be excited when gamers are challenged alongside other hobbyists to lay aside their recreation for the sake of the Cross.  I will be excited when gamers no longer feel isolated or shamed within the church.

I am advocating for an area of culture that needs the Light.  May this simply be the beginning of a discussion as to how to engage gamers for the sake of God’s kingdom.

All Statistics can be found – http://www.esrb.org/about/video-game-industry-statistics.jsp

10 Ways Millennials Are Creating the Future of Work (and the Church)

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pew and hymnalI recently read this article by Dan Schwabel.  He is the founder of Millennial Branding, a Gen-Y research and management consulting firm.  Dan’s research and predictions about the Millennials are changing the workplace can also be applied to the church.  Using his predictions, here are some ways that Millennials will change the church in the future.

  1.  Millennials will force churches to be transparent. Authenticity is a high value for Millennials.  There is a need for honesty in all activities.  If a church asks for money, then describe the needs.  If someone leaves the staff or community, then tell them the reasons why.  Attempts to cover-up the truth display inauthenticity, and will cause Millennials to flee.
  2. Millennials will choose meaningful work above everything else. Allow Millennials to do meaningful work.  They don’t want to be relegated to tasks because they are young.   Find out what they love to do, and remove the roadblocks.  Don’t make them fit into your pre-planned program.  Listen to who they are before you ask them to volunteer.
  3. Millennials will build a collaborative church. I think that this has ramifications for how a church does small groups.  Some groups connect better through collaboration, and sharing a common project.  Churches need to move beyond small groups simply doing “Bible Study.”
  4. Millennials will make worshipping from home the norm.  Millennials will continue to attend church, but they will also want to watch on-line when they are not available.  Many millennials have jobs that force them to work weekends; therefore a church that wants to appeal to this demographic must have a variety of attendance options, including on-line services.
  5. Millennials will recruit based on results over degrees.  They have been told since they entered education that they had to have a degree.  They have seen the positive and negatives of education, and realize that often education is just a useless gate that keeps capable people from work and leadership.  Millennials will look beyond the degree.
  6. Millennials will change the meaning of “face-time”.  Virtual church was once mocked by the Christian community as being unrealistic, and not real church.  Innovations in technology have made it a reality.  Although I believe in the importance of human-interaction,  technology is changing how this is accomplished.
  7. Millennials will encourage generosity and community support.  A church that wants to engage EA’s will go to the community rather than ask the community to come to them.  Emerging adults are very generous when it comes to the greater community.  They are not usually interested in supporting a larger church staff or programming.
  8. Millennials will eliminate the annual performance review.   Churches don’t do annual reviews,  but Millennials want their voice to be heard in the direction of the church.  A church will attract EA’s when they ask them questions and respond to their answers.  
  9. Millennials will turn work into a game instead of a chore.  The Gaming Industry is huge.  Instead of mocking gamers as immature men and women, a church should engage gamers by building community around them.  The church has embraced men’s sports activities for years, so why do churches frown upon one leisure activity, and yet spend money on the other?
  10. Millennials will level corporate hierarchies.  Already many churches are dropping the title “Senior” Pastor, and instead turning to “Lead” Pastor.  However, the changes have yet to begin.  Hierarchies will disappear within the church (especially those dominated by rich, male babyboomers).   This will only be done by conscious deliberate action.  

I welcome the changes – as part of God’s refining process to the Bride of Christ, and the furtherance of His Kingdom.

Feed Me.

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My two year old comes to me on a regular basis and says, “ungry.”  Tobi is still working on his H’s.  So we head to the kitchen, open the cupboard, and get out a snack for him.  But that is not enough, I also help him into his chair at the table.

 When my nine year old comes to me and says, “Dad, I am hungry.”  I might give him a few boundaries (like no ice cream, or a limit to the amount of fruit roll ups), and he goes happily on his way to the kitchen.

When my sons are twenty-one years old, I can’t imagine them coming to me and saying, “Dad, I’m hungry.”  (although they might at some time!).

As a pastor, people would regularly come to me and say, “We need fed.”  The scenario always reminded me of my two-year old standing in front of me with his mouth open wide.   “Ungry. Ungry. Ungry.”

But instead of my two-year old son, it is people who have been following Jesus for years.

Although I patiently listened and nodded in agreement, I also tried to wake them up to the real problem.  They were no longer babies who needed me to prepare food, open food, and show them what hole to stick it in.  These were no longer baby Christians, but people who have spent most of their lives within the church. In our faith journey, there comes a time when you are responsible to feed yourself.

I Peter 2:2 says, “Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good.”  Hunger is a natural reaction of being alive.  You know that God is good, and the follower of Christ will naturally desire to grow.

The hunger is good, but sometimes people expect the senior pastor, youth pastor to be their personal spiritual caterer.  We are to prepare a meal for them that will fill their hunger (The preferred meal being a diet of new information misconstrued as “depth.”)  They come each week to church crying, “Ungry, ungry, ungry.”

However, look at what they should be chasing.  1 Peter 2:3,   “As you come to him, the living Stone.”

Peter doesn’t tell them to come to the church.  Peter doesn’t tell them to come to crying to him (They couldn’t in that society).  Peter tells them to go to God – the one who can meet their needs.

Our current obsession with Big Churches and Big Preachers is built upon this concept that church is the place we are fed- the great spiritual feeding trough. 

While, I am not opposed to people being fed at church, we need to examine what should be the source of “food” for those who follow Christ.

We have lost our focus on the proper source of nutrition, and how to get it.

Grow up and feed yourself.

Keys to Finding a Good Church

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church (2)The multiple life transitions of young adulthood make it essential for EAs to find a new community.   Part of a new community for a disciple of Christ is finding a group of Christians who can encourage and support you in your journey. Continue reading →

Recruiting Emerging Adults for Church Leadership.

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This article is written in cooperation with Jeff Marian, Lead Pastor at Prince of Peace Lutheran Church in Burnsville, MN.  Jeff has a clear passion to involve Emerging Adults at all levels of church leadership.  Jeff does not believe that age should be obstacle for leadership within the church.  Although not EAs, his church currently has two leaders (at the highest level) who are in their 30’s, and they are actively looking for more.

Why did you start recruiting EA’s to lead at your church?

HandsOur church needed transition because our church community was aging.  Mark 2:22 says, “And no one puts new wine into old wineskins. For the wine would burst the wineskins, and the wine and the skins would both be lost.  New wine calls for new wineskins.”  Our church was in need of new wineskins in order to bring change to our community.

Our church needed to reach EA’s, and didn’t know how.   In order to reach different people, we needed to make some changes.  When we tried to reach EA’s without their input, it felt as if the church was an airplane in the fog without instrumentation.  We saw things only from our limited perspective of those in the room.  EA’s are the eyes, ears, and the heart of the future.  Without them, we were flying blind.  As a church, we decided to stop making assumptions about EAs, and start asking them directly.

How did you see it profit EA’s?

Young leaders lack life experience, but that should not disqualify them from leadership.  Leadership gives them this experience.  Placing them into leadership has exposed them to the wisdom of those who are older.  It has forced the emerging adult’s ideal world to meet the real world.  When their passion and idealism collides with reality, maturation occurs.

Do you see any dangers in having young leadership?

There is always danger in the extremes.  Good church leadership requires a balance of voices, and not just one age group.  Younger leaders are willing to make and lead change.  Those in the second half of their spirituality are able to discern the baby from the bathwater.  A balance of the two helps us protect the church, and keep it healthy and relevant (Jeff referenced the book Falling Upward by Richard Rohr.).

How did you see it profit your community?

EA’s becomes advocates for their generation.  Many times, I don’t understand the issues they are facing.  I am warped as a baby-boomer, and we need them to see the world how they see it.  When I am an advocate for EA’s, it doesn’t carry the same weight as when they speak for themselves.  People in the congregation look at them and see someone who reminds them of their child, or their grandchild.     This invokes a sense of responsibility and hop in older adults to lead well for the future.  When EA’s stand up to lead, they are a living symbol of the future.

EA’s have a passion for Kingdom Work, and their passion spreads.  They want to be involved outside the walls of the church.  Placing them in leadership gives them the visibility to make their passion truly contagious to the entire body of Christ.

EA’s have the influence over the other young leaders.  Not because they force peers to do something, but because of the power of community.

EA’s have grown up knowing that America is not Christendom.  Many in our church still don’t understand that, but they are slowly teaching us how to be a light in a diverse society.

 What obstacles did you face?

Older people want EA’s to speak up and have a voice.  Obstacles only appear when they are given equal or more weight and value than those who are paying the bills.  It is difficult for any generation to look beyond what feeds my generation, and to look ahead to the next.

 How do you go about the process of recruiting EA’s?

Our leadership knew that there was capable young leadership in the congregation.  We just had to identify and recruit them.  Once we identified some leaders, we started personally recruiting them.  This week, I had lunch with an EA, and asked him to step up into leadership.  His father had been in leadership for many years in our community, and I challenged him to follow in his father’s footsteps.  I am praying that he will join our team.

We specifically targeted those under 35 for our church council.  Many EA’s feel as if leadership opportunities are not available to them (link to “Young Need Not Apply”), and we wanted to make a statement that age would not be a factor in leadership selection.  We communicated this vision through printed and spoken word.

As the senior leader, I have to take the chance to ask them  – one on one.  I want them to hear me say, “You are the future.  I want to validate your leadership.  I need you to step into that gap.  How can I work together with you?”

What do you look for in an EA leader? 

While age might not be a requirement, there are other requirements.  All individuals go through the same process to enter into church leadership.  Our community’s requirements include:  serving and leading somewhere else in the body, active engagement maturation, volunteer time, and money to the community, and the respect of their peers.

I believe Jeff has two essential skills that enables him to recruit EAs into leadership – a passionate vision for intergenerational leadership, and the ability to voice that need across the table.

Although I am no longer an emerging adult, I was energized by Jeff’s vision of intergenerational leadership.  I would also readily admit that following this interview, that if there was a day when he sat down across the table from me and asked me to join his team, I would probably say yes.

 

Jeff Marian is the Senior Pastor at Prince of Peace Lutheran Church in Burnsville, MN.  He is married to Nancy, and together are parenting three emerging adults.