Tag Archives: Church

Why the “Teen Section” in your church is NOT a sign of church health, but of sickness.

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© 2010 Richard Masoner / Cyclelicious, Flickr | CC-BY-SA | via Wylio

Several years ago, I interviewed for a position in Ohio.  Whenever talking about their church’s vitality, they would always reference the “Teen Section” during worship services.  For those who have not heard the term, “Teen Section” is an area of the auditorium where all the adolescents sit together each week during services.  The search committee would discuss how large the section was.  They would discuss how faithful the section was.  They would discuss how active the section was during worship.

This was not the first time that I had heard a teen section is a sign of a healthy church, and I doubt that it will be the last.  During the interview, I held my tongue, but here is what I wanted to say:

Five Reasons Why Your “Teen Section” promotes sickness within your community.

1.  It trains adolescents to seek out and require “peer-driven” experiences.

Adolescents who are limited to a “Teen Section” experience of Christianity are going to struggle as they phase out of age-segregated programming.  I believe that one reason why so many emerging adults leave the church is because they graduated from youth group, and gave up trying to find the “post-teen” section.

2.  It teaches our community that teenagers are not a part of normal human society, but are a subset with strange interests, wild behaviors, and raging hormones.

It is good for adolescents to have their own space.  Due to their raging hormones and rebellious behavior, they are “other,” meaning not like us, and barely human.  It promotes low expectations among teenagers, and continues the myth that rebellion is a natural part of the adolescence experience.

3.  It separates parents from their children during corporate worship.

Worship with kidsWorship services are a time when my children can see what parents value, what parents believe, and what parents feel about faith.  Research by Sticky Faith reveals that only 12% percent of youth have a regular dialogue with their mom on faith or life issues.  This same research shows that only 5% have regular faith or life conversations with their dad.  (Sticky Faith, 71)  By establishing and promoting a “teen section,” we have ceased to support the spiritual development that happens within the familial context.

4.  It isolates adolescents from the body of Christ, leaving the community weak and sickly.

It is not simply that Emerging Adults need us, but the church must realize that we need them.  I have never heard someone say, “Wow, our church is so healthy.  You should see our retirement section! Their section is so vibrant and they love being with each other.”  Seriously, think about it.  We would not say it about other parts of the body of Christ; therefore, we should not say it about adolescents.  The body of Christ is at peak strength when we do not see another’s faults, money, race, status, or age, but serve hand in hand without discrimination. 

5.  It perpetuates the myth that “peer-driven” relationships and age-segregated programming are crucial to spiritual development.

While I do desire that my children develop friendships with peers, I also want them to have an entire network of people at various life stages who will encourage them in their faith.  While popular in our society, age-segregation is not Biblical or healthy.  By not speaking up for the unity of the body of Christ, we continue to promote segregation and ageism within the church.

As we consider the “teen-section,” each church must ask what values, ideals, and practices should be developed within its community.

As Christians, we often promote the “Teen Section” as a sign of life because we as the church feel beaten up in this life.  The world is winning the war for our kids.  We are losing.  Pointing out the “Teen Section” gives us hope for the future of the church, and makes us feel better.

We must remember it is His church, and the gates of hell will not prevail against it.

Let us work for new signs of life in our communities.  Lives being changed.  Hope being found.  Acceptance being granted.  Care being received.  Love being spread.  The Kingdom being restored.

 

David Boyd 1 (1)Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.  You can follow his publications on Twitter at  @G_David_Boyd as he writes on Manhood, Emerging Adults, Faith, and the church.  He is the proud father of three children – Josiah, Andrew, and Tobi.

 

Resources Referenced:

Sticky Faith by Kara Powell and Chap Clark

 

McDonalds faces ‘Millennial’ Problem

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I am a pretty big fan of McDonalds.  I was actually there early this morning.  Sitting at a hightop table working on my computer while sipping my large sweet tea and making good use of their free wifi.

So I am sad to hear the news that McDonalds sales are slumping due to the majority of Millennials who prefer other restaurants (however, I won’t be losing any sleep over it).  Here is the article.  McDonalds must make changes and shift with the changing culture if it wants to stay at the top of the industry.

While it is not important to me whether or not Millennials are going to McDonalds, it does bother me to know that so many emerging adults are leaving the Church behind.  I believe that a spiritual community is foundation for a follower of Christ.

This week, I am consulting with a church in Austin, MN.  This church has a desire to reach the Millennials in their town, and I look forward to how God is going to speak to us.

If your church is interested in reaching the Millennials in your community but doesn’t know where to begin, please let me know.  I would love the opportunity to come alongside your group as we seek to reach a new generation.

david in hat - blackDr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.  If you are interested in having him speak to your community about Millennals, and how your church can build a ministry to emerging adults, you can contact him at gdavid@earesources.org.

 

Recruiting a Team for Emerging Adult Ministry

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If you desire to minister to emerging adults in your church, I highly encourage you to create a team.  Teamwork makes your journey more fun, and allows you to accomplish more than if you are working alone.  While a good team can expand your reach and ministry; however, a bad team can exhaust you and hold you back from making a difference.

So if you recruiting people to minister to emerging adults, here are some essential qualities.

1.  Community Builders

ftflagler-washington-pictures-4376127-h[1]These are the people that everyone wants to be around.  There is just something contagious about who they are, and what they bring into a room.  I actively recruit several “life-of-the-party” people before launching any type of small group or community, because they will be the glue that makes new people stick.  These people are your front-line welcome the new guests.  You want your new guests to walk away saying, “Wow, I really liked the people we met.”

2.  Accepting

Look for teammates who readily accept others for who they are and where they are in life.   Some people breathe judgmental attitudes, while others regularly speak their mind.  While I do believe in the gift of discernment, sometimes people claim this spiritual gift because they simply want to speak their mind.  After being raised with a postmodern mindset, emerging adults will run from those who claim to have all the answers.

Emerging adults must be safe to express who they are, and where they are truly at in their faith journey without fear of becoming a spiritual project of someone else within the group.  I want teammates who are gifted at asking questions, rather than giving advice.  A wise team will fully accept others for who they are, and wait for God to do the work.

3.  Consistent

One consistent worker is worth – twenty part-timers.  Due to the constant changes in their lives,  emerging adults are looking for consistency.  Emerging adults want to know who is going to be at meetings before they show up.  When looking for workers, I ask those who were not otherwise involved in church ministry because I want my teammates fully devoted to our goal.  Availability is also important because your teammates must have enough margin to be available to your group outside of your weekly scheduled meeting.

4.  Intergenerational

Your team should include emerging adults.  If you have no emerging adults on your team, you are already communicating that they are not capable of leading or contributing to the ministry.  Emerging adults have great potential to give and lead within any ministry.

Your team should also include other generations who have traveled further down life’s road and can offer a different perspective.  However, older adults need to understand that emerging adults are looking to develop relationships that involve give-and-take rather than downward-focused.  As the team enters each week with an expectation of receiving, it will be amazing what God will do in their lives as they serve.

While you may be overwhelmed by starting a ministry to emerging adults, the beauty about starting a ministry is that you can pick your team.  Choose wisely.  Spend time praying over who God is calling you to invite into this exciting movement.

david in hat - blackDr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.  He is passionate about seeing Emerging Adults survive and thrive in our world and the church.

Starting a College Ministry

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group of eaWhenever I talk to people about what I do, they usually respond in two ways.

1.  “Our church doesn’t have anything for young adults.”

2.   “Our church would never be able to start something.”

And when I hear these responses, it reminds me over and over again, why I love what I get to do.

I first want to clarify what I mean by college ministry.  College ministry is finding ways to minister God’s love and grace to the emerging adults within and outside our church community.  Your church may not be able to build a huge, thriving, spiritual “hang-out” community for young adults, but you can create ways to minister to emerging adults in your community.

I also would never call it a ministry to college students because not everyone who graduates from high school goes to college.  I gave it that title becase those are currently the words that people type who are searching the internet for answers.  They should be called Emerging Adults (or at least go old-school and use the title “Young Adults”).

So before your community develops ways to minister to emerging adults, ask yourself three questions.

Who is your audience?

There is a reason why this question is first.  You cannot answer the second two questions until you have the first.  A ministry should not be launched by local demographics, but by who do you currently have committed to your community.

This is not because I don’t believe in reaching out, but because I believe that evangelism is best done through current social circles, rather than slick posters and hip events.  So start with who is attending your church already.  If you have no one currently attending, then ask who in this age demographic has had previous contact with your church.

As you identity both leaders and attenders of this new ministry, invite them to join you in answering questions two and three.

 What is your mission?

ftflagler-washington-pictures-4376127-h[1]I am not that you need to write a purpose statement/missions/values and objectives before you do ministry.  While there may be some merit to the business-oriented “Purpose-Driven” method, I have found that its values have been overstated (although greatly appreciated by modernistic baby boomers and baby busters).

 

It is essential to know what we want out of this age group.  Do we want to provide an extended “youth group,” or what do we hope to accomplish through trying to start this ministry?  I believe that the purpose of any emerging adult ministry should be tailored to the values and vision of your church.  Don’t launch a college ministry to appease a vocal parent whose child didn’t go to college.  You shouldn’t do it because it is a missing program in your portfolio.  You shouldn’t do it because you somewhere to recruit more youth workers.

One right reason is because you have a passion to see emerging adults shepherded, and parents loved as they walk through these years.  However, there could be other reasons.

 What are your resources?

After feeling God’s direction to your ministry, take a look around you and see what resources you possess in order to make it happen.  The three main resources are money, people, and possessions.  Think through each of these areas:  money, possessions, and people.

Money – You are probably asking, “What money?”  When I first started our college ministry, we didn’t have much money.  I had to borrow from the youth ministry budget in order to buy so much as a pizza.  It took time to build this resource, and to convince people that financial support would make an impact.  Acquiring money takes time, and therefore requires planning.  However, don’t make money an obstacle.  Remember that the church budget isn’t the only source of funds.  Some emerging adults have money, and don’t need you to pick up the tab on the pizza.

Possessions – Launching a ministry doesn’t require a lot, but some tools in your toolbox might help your work progress faster.  Does your community have a building or a space to meet?  If it doesn’t, are there people in your congregation that would open up their house to the group?  After you have the basic necessities met, you might start looking to see about other possessions, like vehicles, cabins, or boats that would be available to the group.

People – This is the most important, and I save it for last.   A good team will be the best indicator as to whether or not your group is going to grow.  Remember that your team should not be all from the same age group.  Make sure that your team does include some emerging adults.  Look around your current community to see who might be available, and have a willing heart to commit to helping them.

David Boyd 1 (1)Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.  Contact him at gdavid@earesources.org, if he can help your community to better minister to the challenges and needs of emerging adults.

Is your church TONE deaf?

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Some churches don’t realize how they sound.  Their worship team is spot on.  Their videos are hip.  Their choir is rocking the platform, but they are way off when it comes to dealing with their tone in dealing with the issues that affect people in the pew.

As the church, we need to be aware of not just what we say (asking, “Is it Biblical?”), but we also need to be concerned with how we say it.  When dealing with the relevant issues being discussed within the church including:  hell, sexuality, war, or money.  It is often not what is said, but how it was said that people remember.

What tone of voice should we seek?

© 2008 Michael Tracey, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

Our audience should moved towards or away from the gospel not by the tone of our voice, but by content of our message.  The message of the gospel is offense without our help (1 Corinthians 1:18-25).  The radical discipleship required by Christ is a stumbling block for people, but some churches build extra barriers because of the way they address issues, and share their beliefs.

So, as we share a message of hope and healing.  Here are a few points:

 

 

 

A.  Humility versus Piety.

© 2008 Steve Cadman, Flickr | CC-BY-SA | via Wylio

 

Speakers should have experienced the grace, healing, and forgiveness of God in the area being discusseed.  People identify with brokenness and restoration much more than piety and morals without a personal context.  If you are discussing sexuality, then have someone speak who was broken, and has found healing.  Speaking from a places of brokeness in any issue, communicates authenticity, humility, and hope.

 

B.  Tone-deaf need not apply.  

© 2013 Soumyadeep Paul, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

Whether privately or publicly, tone-deaf people should not be in positions of relational or platform ministry.  I am not talking about sweet Florence (a founding member of the church choir) who cannot stay on pitch.  I am talking about allowing Elder “Knows-all” onto the platform who cannot hear, understand, or control his/her tone.  While most people can be taught how to control their tone, others naturally possess an ability to read and respond to others.

C.   Tone should be Planned.  

Decisions of tone should be discussed and determined when deciding the topic of messages.  Tone provides direction for crafting a message, and cannot be left to the last minute.  Staff or leadership should do a discussion about the topic, and what they want to communicate to their community, rather than one person dictating what is being said.

D.  Dig deeper than, “Speak the truth in love.”

This expression although true has become a cliche to support our current practices.  Churches need to examine what speaking in love really means for their community.  Are we responsible simply for what we say, or for how the audience feels?  Discussions of our methods of communication need regularly examined in light of the love we are called to have for our neighbor.

E.  Review your Tone.

Do you take the time to reflect on how past worship services or other pieces of communication were perceived by the audience?  Many churches may have people reviewing the services, but it includes the same people who planned the service, or people from similar demographic backgrounds.  Diversity is important when evaluating what was said.  Our tone may have been perceived differently to different generations.  How we address an issue to one group may have sounded gracious, while those from a different generation may feel it was overbearing.  Seek diversity, and learn from the different perspectives.

As a church, may God guide you as you seek to be a voice of healing and hope to our rapidly changing world.

David Boyd 1 (1)Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.  He is not tone-deaf, but loves to sing next to those who are.  If you would like him to help your church minister to Millennials (and those who love them), contact him at gdavid@earesources.org.

 

 

Sex in the Church

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Sex, Millennials and the Church: Five ImplicationsEarlier this week, I shared an article from Thom Rainer about the changes in the sexual standards and beliefs of Millennials.  While the article shows how things have changed, it doesn’t explore how to respond.

Few Christians doubt that society’s views of sex have changed.  The bigger question is, “How does a church respond?” Continue reading →

Sex, Millennials, and the Church

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Sex, Millennials and the Church: Five ImplicationsOnce seen as restricted to those within a marriage relationship, sex is now often viewed as recreation regularly detached from the concepts of commitment or love.  “One look at patterns of emerging adults’ sexual activity makes it clear that marriage is no longer a gatekeeper to sexual relations (Simmons).  Instead of marking the beginning of a healthy sex life, marriage is frequently portrayed within current media as its end.

I came across an article that I wanted to share with my readers.  Thom Rainer is the President and CEO of Lifeway Christian Resources.  He has written several books including Essential Church.

wedding-baker-lianne-761857-h[1]If you think that “Youth Groupers” are any better due to pledges and purity conferences, then you might be surprised at the facts.  Robert Wuthnow, professor of sociology at Princeton University has discovered that even those who believe sex outside of marriage to be wrong, may not be living by their own standards.  “When all unmarried adults in this age range were compared, 63 percent of those who thought premarital sex was always wrong acknowledged having had sexual relations in the past year” (Wuthnow).  Changes within our society have made it much more difficult for people to remain sexually pure.  The time between the physical development of sexual urges and the age to seek fulfillment of those urges has increased.

Since the pendulum of physical maturity and the pendulum of adult responsibility are swinging farther and farther apart, they will have to wait longer and longer from the time of puberty until the time when they have the opportunity to marry and begin the sexual relationship God intends for them.  (Moore)

Premarital sex, cohabitation, and hook-ups have become the new sexual norms.  Emerging adults now feel the freedom to experiment and find their sexual identity, rather than becoming locked into a committed relationship.  Accompanying this sexual freedom is a new set of problems that the emerging adult must overcome.  Smith discusses the dark side of this sexual freedom when he states, “not far beneath the surface appearance of happy, liberated emerging adult sexual adventure and pleasure lies a world of hurt, insecurity, confusion, inequality, shame, and regret” (Smith 2011).  Emotional damage is not the only difficulty that sexual freedom has brought emerging adults, but it can also result in disrupting their community when sexual relationships end.

The article calls the church toward change, and yet holding to the community’s beliefs.  However, it fails to explain what that looks like.  As always, it is easier to point out problems than to deliver solutions.

I will discuss the road towards solutions for how the church should respond in my next entry.  It is not an easy road, nor will all agree on the path to get there, but should that keep us from the journey?

 

References:

Thom Rainer and Sam Rainer, Essential church. Reclaiming a generation of dropouts.

Christian Smith, Lost in transition: The dark side of emerging adulthood.

Walker Moore, Rite of passage parenting: Four essential experiences to equip your kids for life

Robert Wuthnow,  After the baby boomers. How twenty- and thirty-somethings are shaping the future of American religion

Brian Simmons,  Wandering in the wilderness. Changes and challenges to emerging adults’ Christian faith.

 

Why Youth Groups should Require Warning Labels.

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Medicines are required by law to warn the user about the risks involved when using them.  Parents and students should know about the risks involved in participating in youth group.

No, I am not talking about the physical danger involved in playing dodgeball in a dark room after four cans of Mountain Dew and no sleep, or drinking strange concoctions mixed in a blender by the youth pastor.  Parents should be warned that an unhealthy social environment for your child might be deadly for your child’s faith.

Youth group is not something that your child has to attend.

God doesn’t command it.

The Bible doesn’t require it.

Many people have flourished spiritually for centuries without it.  Not only is youth group something that your child doesn’t have to attend, youth group could be detrimental to their spiritual health.  

The concept of “youth group” where youth gather alone to do spiritual community and worship really started in the 1940’s with the Young Life movement, and was further developed by the Youth for Christ Movement in the 1950’s and 60’s.  Since that time it appears to have become a necessity for most Western churches.

I was a youth pastor for over twelve years.  I saw the spiritual lives of many teens change as they were introduced to Jesus, and accepted within our youth community.  I am a believer in youth workers.  If they are volunteers, then they are underpaid.  They pour out their energy and lives in order to love and change the lives of teens.  If they are employed staff, then they are under-paid.  They do it because they believe in the Kingdom of God.

However for all their work and effort, youth workers can cannot control the spiritual outcome of their group on your child.  I also believe that if they are honest, they will admit they have seen the negative affect that their ministry can have on adolescents.

1.  Youth group could negatively affect your child’s faith because it is a peer-centered environment.

A peer-centered environment is a community that is built upon a similar age demographic.  While some peer-centered environments may be structured and led by someone outside the age demographic (like youth group), this person cannot control the group. Peers set the standards and values, and control the ethos of the group.  Our schools, sports teams, and churches are built around that concept that peer-centered communities are the best way to build community.

Some individuals thrive in communities based solely on their peers, while others merely survive.  There are even some adolescents who when placed with peers simply shut down.  During my adolescence, I was very involved in youth group, but it was not the peers that helped my faith stay alive as much as my connections with multiple generations.  My grandfather, my Bible teachers, my co-workers, and my youth pastor and his wife were all instrumental in my discipleship process.

While some adolescents perform well in peer-centered groups, this type of environment is not beneficial for all adolescents.  Especially since many of these adolescents are balancing not just one of these groups, but several peer-centered groups at once (including school, youth group, sports teams).   The emotional and social stress of fitting in with multiple social circles can be overwhelming.

2.  A Child’s social development is tied with their faith development.  

When attending youth group, your child’s faith development becomes tied to their social development within the group.   If the experience is good, then it will often result in positive affects on their faith.  However, a negative experience results in negative affects on their faith journey.  Parents should have an understanding of how the social dynamics of youth group affects your child’s faith.

Even if a child has a positive social community at youth group, that stability could disappear overnight (due to a romantic break-up, or fight between friends, or a friend moving away).  If your child’s entire spiritual influence is based solely on this community, then it could jeopardize their spiritual maturation.  Being rejected by a church group can be perceived by an adolescent as being rejected by God.

Parents have often asked if they should make their child go to youth group, but there is not a simple answer to that question.  Sometimes, parents wrongly view participation in youth group as the spiritual solution for a child’s struggles.

In order to avoid these issues, parents should make sure that their children have multiple sources of spiritual influences in their lives.  Here are some questions to ask yourselves:

  1.  Is your child apart of an inter-generational community at your church?
  2. Do they have spiritual aunts, uncles, grandmas and grandpas who can model faith, and encourage them in the midst of struggles?
  3. Does your child have a friend(s) their age who also claims faith in Christ?
  4. Is your child working with younger children within the church, displaying to them what it means to love others and follow Christ?

If you are seeing healthy spiritual development in your child, then there is no need to change.  However, if you are unsure, and you don’t know why…then maybe it is time to reevaluate.  Warning labels do not mean that no one should use them, but that there are risks of which parents should be aware.

The purpose of this article is not to destroy your faith in the church, but to call parents to reflect and examine how participation in a “Christian” youth group is affecting their child’s spiritual development.

Spiritual community is essential for healthy development, youth group is not.