Tag Archives: Church

Beyond Mentoring – Marks of a Symbiotic Relationship

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Photo Courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2013. www.aaronrobertphotography.com

Last month, I shared how the church needs to think beyond mentoring to engage emerging adults.  Mentoring often gives the impression of an omnidirectional relationship where one person gives and one receives.  Our economic mindset has also set the image of a mentor as one who stands in authority over another, and who serves as a gatekeeper for wealth, knowledge, or fame.

The church needs to go beyond mentoring.  Rather than succumbing to our western society which values independence, the church needs to rediscover its roots in our interdependence.  God created the church to do more than gather together, but to need each other.  One picture used regularly to illustrate the interdependence of the church is the body of Christ (see 1 Cor 12; Rom 12).

Christians should be seeking symbiotic relationships, where each partner benefits from the relationship without assumptions of power, rank, or importance.  A symbiotic relationship is a connection that is for the mutual benefit of each individual.  Here are some marks of symbiotic relationships:

Relational versus Programmatic

Photo Courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2014. www.aaronrobertphotography.com

We were designed by God to be in relationships with others.  Church leadership needs to manage less programs, and become more relationally perceptive.  Shepherds need to see who within our community would naturally connect in symbiotic relationships.

In nature, symbiotic relationships develop because both animals see the need, and are drawn by the natural benefits of the relationship.  Those seeking relationships must ask, “Who has God placed near me?” and “Who am I naturally drawn towards?”

Authentic versus Staged

In typical mentorships, the mentor must come with the gathering staged or set.  Whether it is a set list of questions, a specific topic, or even to allow the meeting unplanned, the mentor feels responsible for setting the stage.  When this responsibility is laid solely upon one member, it can lead to a lack of authenticity.

Symbiotic relationships still require intentionality, but the responsibility is shared.  Intentionality turns hanging out with a friend into building spiritual intimacy.  Someone must lead the discussion towards our faith, and then allow the Holy Spirit to steer the time towards sacred space.

Learning versus Teaching

In symbiotic relationships, participants approach the relationship saying, “What can I learn?”  Teaching is the natural outflow of two different parts of the Body of Christ working together, occurring without a lesson plan as the Spirit speaks through His word, the conversation, and sharing life.

Purpose-giving versus Purpose-driven

Rarely do people want to be someone else’s purpose-driven spiritual project.  Unfortunately, sometimes mentors believe that they know exactly what their partner needs.   (For instance, “I need to show them…”, or “They need to learn…”).  One individual controls the relationship rather than letting God work freely.  God always set the agenda of symbiotic relationship.

Symbiotic relationships provide personal significance.  Our motivation for the relationship is not because I am supposed to do it, but because I see how my life matters to another person.  As we walk away from a symbiotic relationship, both people are thinking, “Wow, I needed that.”

Many people who use the term “mentor” have already moved beyond the stereotypical and possibly unhealthy uses of the role.  Regardless of the term you use, as a member of the Body of Christ, seek interdependent relationships.

david in hat - blackDr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of Emerging Adult Resources.  He resides in Apple Valley, MN with his wife Rachel and three boys.  If you would like to contact him, you can reach him at gdavid@earesources.org.

Essential Website Resources for those Ministering to Emerging Adults

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Lgroup of eaast week, I shared some free on-line resources for parents of emerging adults.  If you missed it, you can find it – HERE!

While there are not many free on-line resources for those seeking to help emerging adults, here are a few that I have found essential.

  •  FullerYouthInstitute.   I appreciate all the work done by Dr. Kara Powell and her team.  The link above provides many free resources to churches.
  • SSEA.org – The Society for the Study of Emerging Adulthood is an organization launched by Jeffrey Arnett.  They provide a listing of free resources for those interested in studying young adults.
  • Chuck Bomar’s Blog.  Chuck has written several books about college ministry and the changing world of emerging adult faith.
  • CollegeLeader.org.  An organization that has spun off from Chuck Bomar.  The blog is not regularly up-dated, but contains articles that apply directly towards those doing college ministry.
  • EA Resources – Emerging Adult Resources is my favorite – of course!  Our desire is to design and publish resources for churches, parents, and emerging adults.   Click here, if you want to join our team to make this happen.

If you would like to recommend a website to this list, please contact Dr. G. David Boyd at gdavid@earesources.org.

We know it is a problem.

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We know it is a problem.

© 2012 Israel_photo_gallery, Flickr | CC-BY-SA | via Wylio

There are young adults are leaving the church (for various reasons), and while some are returning as they age – many others are walking away never to return. Continue reading →

Beyond Mentoring – A Call for Symbiotic Relationships

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Photo Courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2015. www.aaronrobertphotography.com

Mentoring is a hot topic these days within the church.  Many people say they want to find a mentor, however, few actually do the work (or find the courage) to acquire one.  Sharon Parks writes, “Restoring mentoring as a cultural force could significantly revitalize our institutions and provide the intergenerational glue to address some of our deepest and most pervasive concerns.” (Parks 2000, 12)  This quote acknowledges that our deepest concerns about our society and the church cannot be solved by one sector of society, but will require a unified vision of all generations.

Many young adults seek after mentors within their vocational fields in order to build their knowledge, contacts, and other resources.  Emerging adults are taught to seek after mentors in order to advance.    This perspective of mentoring further defines mentoring as a relationship where one gives to another.  One partner of the relationship is a gatekeeper to money, fame, experience, or advancement.

Mentoring is defined as “someone who teaches or gives help and advice to a less experienced and often younger person.”  (Merriam-Webster, Online).  This definition clearly expresses a unidirectional relationship where one gives, and the other receives.  However, anyone who has spent significant time with a person from another generation knows that both individuals give, and both individuals receive.  Healthy human relationships are omnidirectional where giving and receiving moves in both directions.

As Millennials come of age, a new perspective of mentorship has emerged, one which is changing our understanding and praxis of mentorship.  Kinnamen states, “Are you open to “reverse” mentoring, wherein you allow younger leaders to challenge your faith and renew the church?”  (Kinnamen, 205) Setran and Kiesling in their excellent book Spiritual Formation in Emerging Adulthood say, “…guidance still desperately needed but it is a guidance that is dialogical and mutual rather than unidirectional mentoring (Setran, 206).  We must acknowledge the interdependence of human relationships among generations.  While many resort to the word mentoring, the concept has changed and requires us to go beyond.

© 2011 Lakshmi Sawitri, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

Scientists use the term symbiosis to describe relationships that exist for the mutual benefit of each individual.  One example of a symbiotic relationship is the Goby Fish and Snapping Shrimp.  The near-blind shrimp relies on the eyes of the Goby fish while constructs and maintains borrows on the ocean floor.  With one flap of his tail, the fish communicates to his partner that danger is present.  Another example is the African Oxpecker’s relationship with various large African animals.  Larger animals are cleared of ticks by the Oxpecker who live off the ticks (and according to more recent findings, the blood of their host as well).  Symbiosis illustrates the interdependence relationships that God designed humans to develop. (Here is a scientific article on the topic.)

© 2009 Ian White, Flickr | CC-BY-ND | via Wylio

We were designed by God to be in relationships with others.  Interdependent relationships cause growth and maturity.  Interdependent relationships supply love and encouragement.  Interdependent relationships provide personal significance (“My life matters to another person.”)

The time has come when we are called to go beyond mentoring.  We must seek relationships in which we give and receive.  We must move from independence into interdependence.  We must call others to do the same.

References:

  • Spiritual Formation in Emerging Adulthood by Setran and Kiesling
  • You Lost Me by David Kinnamen
  • Big Questions, Worthy Dreams by Sharon Parks

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources, a non-profit designed to provide resources to parents and churches as they seek to help emerging adults.

Church, Make Room for Young Leaders

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Church, Make Room for Young LeadersEarlier this week, I wrote about the 5 “Disastrous” Results of Inviting Emerging Adults into Leadership.  I came across an article this week that I wanted to share with you concerning making room for Emerging Adults within the leadership structure of the church.

Here are a few points that I would like to make:

Stephens City United Methodist Church from Flickr via Wylio

© 2013 NCinDC, Flickr | CC-BY-ND | via Wylio


1.  If you do not “make room” for young leaders, then they will not feel welcome.  Through the years, most young adults know that when it comes to church leadership that the “Young Need NOT Apply.”  We must be proactive in making room into our leadership structures and inviting them to join us.

2.  We must fight ageism within the Church.  In the author’s words, “Don’t expect the worst of fellow believers, regardless of their age. Let the gospel go to work on your subtle age-prejudice.”  People from all generations must stop bashing others, and seek to build bridges.

3.  Good leadership knows how to release power to others.  Unfortunately, the power of leadership is drawing, and causes many to clutch it for too long (I am hearing the words of Gollum – My Precious).  Larry Osborne has a great quote,

The seniors never graduate (at least not until they’ve become literal seniors and start dying off). They hog the leadership table, shutting out the next generation. It’s one of the main reasons that most churches stop growing and lose their evangelistic touch (and cultural relevance) around the twenty-year mark.

Enjoy the article by David Mathis the executive editor at desiringGod.org.  

 

 

Five “Disastrous” Results of Inviting Emerging Adults into Leadership.

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Although some people believe that mixing generations in leadership can cause the same results as mixing Mentos and carbonated drinks, I believe in young leadership.  I actually believe that the church needs Millennials in order to be healthy.  That doesn’t mean change will be easy.  Here are some results to expect as you invite emerging adults into leadership.

1.  Questions will be asked.

tommy_portrait_blackwhite_690882_h[1]As you invite emerging adults into leadership, be ready to answer questions.  Asking questions is key to a healthy community, while authority that stifles questions and criticism is quickly headed towards disaster.  God-ordained leadership can face questions without feeling threatened.  Hierarchy is so often ingrained into our communities, that we learn to not question authority or the systems that elected them.  As we invite emerging adults to speak, they will need to ask questions to provide understanding, and at other times to evaluate decisions.

2.  Elephants will be acknowledged.

Elephant's tea party, Robur Tea Room, 24 March 1939, by Sam Hood from Flickr via Wylio

© 1939 State Library of New South Wales, Flickr | PD | via Wylio

Many organizations have an elephant (or two) in the room that no one is willing to talk about.  Young leadership will gladly point them out – either because they don’t understand them, or because they can see how unhealthy these huge burdens have become for the group.  Unfortunately, most of these elephants have protectors in the room.  When established leadership chooses to ignore problems within our communities (because they are too painful), emerging adults will want to revisit them.

3.  Reality Checks will be given.

We all need a dose of reality from time to time.  Emerging adults are often idealistic, and do not realize how difficult it can be to bring change to individuals and an organization.  In spite of their idealism, other generations can learn from those who understand how our world is changing, and how the church sits on the precipice of irrelevancy.  A healthy spoonful of reality is needed by both sides.  Inter-generational leadership is a medicine that will grow and strengthen the church.

4.  Assumptions will be challenged.

Whether due to being raised in a postmodern society, a digital world, or because they want to see change, EA’s will challenge assumptions –  no matter how old.  A community’s leadership is often blinded to their own assumptions.  A new leader will see what is being assumed by the leadership structure, and how these old assumptions are obstacles to growth and healthy change.

5.  Growth we result.

As you place emerging adults on your team, their leadership skills will improve.  However, growth should not be associated simply with youth.  Diversity creates a dynamic working environment that will cause everyone involved to grow.  This growth process is characterized by moments of pain and pleasure.

Inviting younger leadership to the table would require something from everyone. 

It is risky. 

It requires humility. 

It requires work. 

It requires courage. 

Maybe these are the reasons why Emerging Adults get shut out.

In the end, we will discover that the results of working with emerging adults are not disastrous at all.  Rather, we will discover that they are exactly what the Church needs.

david in hat - blackDr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.  If he can help your church create avenues to minister to emerging adults, you can contact him at gdavid@earesources.org.

Move over Babyboomers – You are no Longer on Top.

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It is official!  The reign of the Babyboomers as America’s largest living generation is coming to an end.  The population of the Millennials is currently 75 million, but is expected to increase due to immigration.

Alas for those of us given the title “Gen X”!  We will not overcome the Babyboomers until 2028, and like most “middle children”  we will never be the center of attention.

Here are a few points from the article.

  • Baby Boomers have always had an outsized presence compared with other generations. They were the largest generation and peaked at 78.8 million in 1999.
  • The Census Bureau projects that the Millennial population was 74.8 million in 2014. By 2015 Millennials will increase in size to 75.3 million and become the biggest group.

Here is a the article.

With the “reign” of the Babyboomers coming to an end, what does this mean for the Church?  I believe that churches already feel the shifts that are coming with this new generation, but are unsure how to respond.  If your community wants to understand and minister to the needs of Millennials, maybe we can help.

david in hat - blackDr. G. David Boyd is a member of Gen X – the middle child of generations who was destined to be overlooked by big brother Babyboomers, and little brother Millennials.  In spite of feeling neglected, he loves both generations, and believes the church needs representation from each of them in order to healthy.

Millennials on the Rise in the Twin Cities

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The Real World from Flickr via Wylio

© 2013 Steve Jurvetson, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

The Star Tribune recently released an article that discussed how Millennials are flocking to big cities.

“The population of young adults in Hennepin County rose nearly 25 percent during the past seven years, one of the biggest gains in the nation, according to RealtyTrac, a national real estate research firm.”

In spite of rising rental prices, Millennials are moving there because of low unemployment, and moderate cost of living.

“Craig Helmstetter, senior research manager for Wilder/Minnesota Compass, said that because people in this age group are making big life decisions, including marriage and homeownership, much later than baby boomers did, it will be particularly important for employers and policymakers to pay close attention.”

Change is coming, and it is important for institutions to be prepared – including the Church.

Is your church prepared to reach and minister to Millennials?

David Boyd 1 (1)Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources, a non-profit designed to encourage and equip Emerging Adults and their parents.  If he can help your business, church, or institution prepare to meet the needs of Millennials, contact him at gdavid@earesources.org.

Should young children be in church?

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Worship with kidsOver the weekend, I went to church with my family.  A family sat behind us with a young child who definitely didn’t understand what it meant to sit and listen quietly.  While I found it occassionally distracting, my son just found it appalling.  He was upset that the young child kept kicking his chair and that the family did nothing about it.

After the service, I encouraged him to filled with grace for others because we often do not know what is going on within the lives of those we sit near.  I also tried to encourage him that Jesus took time to be with children, and that they have an important role in the body of Christ.

Often young children are not welcomed into our corporate worship gatherings.  As a parent of a toddler, people often do not want to sit near you, and give you shunning looks.  The only place worst is when you are walking them up an airplane aisle.

Welcome children into our community takes grace and an understanding of their importance to the body of Christ.  I found this picture online, and wanted to share it.