Tag Archives: Christian

Five Dos and Don’ts when dropping off your college student

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Fall is upon us, and many campuses, are many schools are welcoming another record-breaking number of students.   It is a good idea for parents to have a role in the higher education of their children, but what is that role?  Are they simply there as pack mules for an over-abundance of clothes and a mini-fridge?  Should they take an active role in organizing the room and arranging their daily schedule?  For those parents who plan to drop off your student at college, here are a few things to make the trip productive and enjoyable.

1.  Talk about Expectations.

You may not know what to expect, but that doesn’t mean you won’t have expectations.  Remember that your child will also have expectations.  Make sure you discuss these expectations before you arrive.  Do they want you to spend the night nearby?   What role can siblings play (if any)?  What is important for them while you are there?  Asking good questions will set you to have a successful trip.

After you arrive, remember that their expectations might change quickly.  One emerging adult said, “Do your best to read the mood of your child.  Know when it’s time to leave (or stay), setting aside personal feelings.”   As a parent, you have learned to read your child, and if you are confused ask them.

2.  Meet the Suitemates.

While on campus, don’t focus entirely on the work of moving in, but meet those who will be living with your child.  If you are bad with names, make a list on your drive home, so when you child mentions their new friends, you will know who they are talking about.  This information is invaluable, and will provide a bridge between your worlds.

While meeting these students, one parents said, “Do not make quick judgments about peers on the dorm floor, they are placed there by God for a reason. “  There is a strong desire to share our perceptions and first impressions about those living with your child; however, parents must begin to let go and let them discern and decide who will be in their inner circle (community).

3.  Attend and See what you want.

© 2017 Hamza Butt, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

Most colleges offer information sessions for parents as part of their welcoming week.  If you want to stay and see a program, that doesn’t mean your child has to go.  If you want to take a walk around campus or visit the school cafeteria, your child doesn’t have to babysit you.  As parents, it is important that you get a feel of the campus, and what their new life will be like.

4.  Pray with them – and pray for them.

Leaving a child at school is big event in your life and your child, commemorate it.  Don’t let your final words be repeated sound bytes of your timeless wisdom.  One emerging adult said, “I really appreciated that they didn’t give me a bunch of last minute advice about how to live life on my own. I feel like the drop off is not the time or place!”  So in order to avoid the last-minute advice, plan to end with a time of family prayer.  Find a private space and time to pray with and over your child.  Now this will seem weird, if you haven’t built a lifestyle of praying together, but for the spiritually connected family, this is an absolute.  Your prayers don’t end with the amen, but that part of parenting goes on forever.

5.  Control your emotions

One mother said, “I needed to remind myself that this event is truly not about me, it involved me and caused much change in my life , but was the beginning of the independent journey for my child in God’s plan.”  You will face strong emotions, and it is important to keep those emotions in check while with your child, and then process them later in private with your spouse or a friend.  One parent said that, “I manage not to dissolve into tears until we exit the parking lot.”  Your student wants to know that you love them, but most could do without the public meltdown.  One EA writes, “Although I might feel embarrassed if mom starts crying, deep down I feel loved and will cherish it.”

One emerging adult said, “I loved that my parents dropped me off with my stuff (without telling me I had too much stuff), said congratulations, snapped pictures, and took off saying ‘Time to party.’”   When asked how it affected them, she said, “It made me deal with the reality that I need to grow up and take responsibility.”

Remember that you are not the only one facing strong emotions.  Your children will face a variety of emotions including fear, excitement, joy, and sorrow.  As you leave, make sure they know you will be there – no matter what comes their way.

Remember that as you leave their side, God remains.

Student Loans – Change is on the Horizon

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© 2017 Hamza Butt, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

The amount of educational debt among emerging adults continues to increase.  In 2016, the average among college graduates was over $37k.  About 44 million Americans hold about 1.34 trillion dollars in student loan debt.  This amount of debt as a young adult can be overwhelming, and change is needed to our educational system, and how college is financed.

Millions of student loans could be headed for big shakeup

As Courtney Minor began a master’s program in vocal performance, she made sure to heed some well-known advice: Stick to federal government student loans. 

In completing the two-year program at Longy School of Music of Bard College in Boston in 2009, Minor racked up $60,000 in debt using six different loans, which required her to pay a total of $800 a month for 10 years following her graduation.

Read the full article here.

Here are some of the changes discussed:

  • Adjusted Loan Forgiveness
  • Employer Incentives to Assist in Debt Payments
  • Additional Refinance options
  • Eliminate PLUS loans

While no one really knows what the future holds (since many of these changes are based on our political system), the church should speak regularly about the danger of debt which is mentioned regularly in scripture.

Related Articles:

 

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Managing Director of EA Resources, a non-profit designed to equip parents and communities to minister to the needs of emerging adults.

Emerging Adult Ministry – Reading List

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Here are some resources that I recommend for those who want to minister to emerging adults.  Our recommendations does not mean that we agree with everything stated in the book, or with all beliefs of the author.

© 2014 Brittany Stevens, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

If you want to know the first book that you should read – my top pick…

Continue reading →

Are we living in a ‘Post-truth’ society?

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oxford-dictionaryThe Oxford English Dictionary has named “post-truth” the international word of the year.  Each year this designation is chosen based upon the word’s use during the past year, and how it reflects “the ethos, mood, or preoccupations of that particular year.”

Post-truth is defined as:

Relating to or denoting circumstances in which objective  facts are less influential in shaping public opinion than appeals  to emotion and personal belief.

Editors of the dictionary report that the word’s use increased due to Brexit vote in the United Kingdom and the presidential election in the United States.  The word has been used as an adjective when paired with words like politics.

Our culture has shifted from a modern worldview to one that is postmodern.  This shift is foundation to how Millennials and emerging adults view the world.  Understanding this worldview shift is key if you want to understand and reach emerging adults.

David - Prof 2If I can help you understand how our world is changing, and how your community can adapt to minister to emerging adults, please contact me at gdavid@earesources.org.

 

 

What Comes After for-Profit Colleges’ ‘Lehman Moment’? Possibly an Education Crash

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Image result for end of collegeJust as the fall of Lehman Brothers in 2008 heralded a much larger economic crash, the September shuttering of the ITT Technical Institute chain of for-profit colleges signals a broad crisis in higher education. 

Read the entire here.

Highlights:

  • Since 2000, overall educational outcomes have fallen while debt and student defaults have risen. And for-profits have become ground zero for the student-debt crisis, representing roughly 75% of the increase in student defaults.
  • The $1.2 trillion student-debt bubble represents a much smaller part of the consumer-credit market than housing did on the eve of the 2008 financial crisis.
  • only a quarter of first-year college students can predict their own debt loads within 10% accuracy.
  • While it’s true that a degree ensures something more than a $15-an-hour future for most graduates, it’s no longer a ticket to higher social mobility for the poorest Americans. Many end up in second-or third-tier colleges, going into debt for dubious degrees.
  • In ITT’s case, the government may write off loans for current students. Though aimed this time at the right people, this new bailout could end up costing taxpayers $500 million, according to private student lender Sallie Mae.

Other articles that might interest you:

Could young adults impact their denomination? Is it Possible?

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I hope that the answer is yes.  I understand that the leadership boards of almost every single denomination in America is filled with babyboomers who have “earned their stripes” and “understand the real world.”  I understand the challenges that young men and women face before being heard in the church. (Read more – here.)

If we want to change the Millennial Exodus, then we need to address the problem at every level.

  • There is a need to minister to the individual needs of emerging adults.
  • There is a need to provide resources and training to church leadership to reach and minister to emerging adults.
  • There is a need for denominations to lead the way through allowing young adults to speak up and speak out.

Here is a story of one group who is seeking to bring transformation to their denomination.

I recently interviewed Mark Hilbelink, who leads a group of people who have named themselves YALT – which stands for Young Adult Leadership Taskforce.  YALT serves within the Christian Reformed Church in North America and the Reformed Church in America.  The YALT team originally formed under the Leadership Development Department of the denomination, but now has become its own entity.

Image result for Mark Hilbelink

Mark Hilbelink

The leadership of YALT are not paid by denomination, but the denomination provides paid staff support for the movement.  The team is composed by various pastors and bloggers who want to influence the denomination (For example – Hilbelink pastors a church in Texas).

When the team originally formed, they planned events and conferences, but found that this was an expensive, and ineffective way to impact their denomination.  More recently, YALT has focused on their on-line presence.  You can find their Facebook profile and a website.

As for their impact within the denomination, Mark states that he believes that YALT seeks to get people on board with the mission to reach young adults, and through influencing denominational events.

Mark is often asked why Millennials are leaving the church, but Mark believes (like myself), that there is not a singular reason why Millennials are leaving.  He believes that their lack of attachment to the local church is due to their life phase.  Millennials are transient which makes it difficult to connect with community.  He believes that what overall truly attracts Millennials is not a hip church, but one that is healthy.

Mark shares that sometimes church leadership “uses us [the YALT team] to keep Millennials, but not to bring change to our church.”  Marks believes that while the church may not need to change its doctrine or practices, change is needed in order to stay relevant in today’s world.

If you have an interest in launching a group to influence your denomination, EA Resources can help.  Contact us at gdavid@earesources.org.

David - Prof 2Dr. G. David Boyd is the Managing director of EA Resources.  He is also the founder of the EA Network, a Network that seeks to equip the parents and churches to meet the needs of emerging adults.

Millennials are now Parents – What does this mean for the church?

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Time Magazine recently featured an article about Millennials examining how they parent.  The transition of Millennials as lazy, narcissistic children into parents is happening quickly (The words lazy and narcissistic came from a previous Time article).  According to Time, “Millennial parents number more than 22 million in the U.S., with about 9,000 babies born to them each day. This growing cohort of parents is digitally native, ethnically diverse, late-marrying, and less bound by traditional gender roles than any generation before it.”  (Source)

According to Time, “Millennial parents are attempting to run their families as mini-democracies, seeking consensus from spouses, kids and extended friend circles on even the smallest decisions. They seek wisdom from those closest to them, rather than the highly-marketed “parenting experts.”  They’re backing away from the overscheduled days of their youth, preferring a more responsive, less directorial approach to activities.”

Here is the full article.

As Millennials become parents, churches will need to respond to connect to this new generations.

Connectivity with their children.

Take my hand from Flickr via Wylio

© 2012 Stephan Hochhaus, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

Through the use of technology, Millennials are used to being in constant contact with their children.   Most childcare centers use the latest technology to keep Millennials informed and connected with their children.  They don’t want a paper describing the lesson when they can have a picture of their child showing it.  Millennials are now the main clientele of the nursery, and their values should affect how we serve them.  The days of publicly humiliating them by removing them from the service, or flashing their child’s number on the screen should be over.  In order to provide Millennials with the security they desire use an app or a simple text message.

 Gender Roles as Parents

Today’s millennials do not hold traditional gender roles.  While, the percentage of stay-at-home mothers is increasing (with the recovery of the economy, almost 29 percent of women stay at home with their children), marital roles are more fluid.  Train your staff and volunteers to avoid assumptions and comments based upon traditional gender roles so as to not offend visitors or regular attenders.  [Load graph of Stay at home mothers from Pew Research.]  Avoid sermon illustrations and media pics that present one perspective of family life.

 Use, but don’t abuse Social Media

© 2012 Jason Howie, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

“Eight-four percent of Millennials are social media users, with 66% of Gen X on social networks and 44% of Baby Boomers. According to the study, more than half of the U.S. users on Twitter are Millennials.” (Source)  We should not abuse these platforms to push our own programs, but use these connections to become involved in the lives of people. The appeal of social media is snap shot of people’s lives, and not desperate pleas to come to your events.  Mind your manners on social media, or you eventually will either be ignored or deleted.  As a church, use social media in order to understand their daily lives and know their values.

While it is truly impossible to describe how Millennials as a generation will parent, research reveals that they hold different values, beliefs, and perspectives.  According to the Time article, Millennials want their children to be, “Open-minded. empathetic. questioning.”  These differences will change their expectations for church ministries and staff members.

Church leaders should begin to ask how these values will express themselves as their children enter other ministries of the church.  Our nursery workers will be the first to experience Millennials as parents, and they will lead us into this change.

Leave a comment about how Millennials having children will change the church.

David - Prof 2

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Managing Director of EA Resources, a non-profit designed to equip churches and parents to minister to emerging adults.

An Example of Generational Mediation – Tattoos

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© 2009 Lisa Padilla, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

We met at my favorite spot – McDonalds, the home of free wifi and endless sweet tea.  The man immediately began to open up about his son, and how proud he was of his academic achievement and occupational accomplishments.  At twenty years old, his son was not a slacker or self-absorbed like most other Millennials (if you believe the media).  He was already financially self-sufficient, and held down a career job.  But in spite of his fatherly pride, something had robbed this father of the ability to enjoy his son.

His son was the last of four children, and had been born to the father much later in life.  The father expressed how often he struggled to understand his son in ways that he did not have with his other children who were almost ten years older.

tattooHe had asked his son to refrain from tattoos until he was twenty-one.  The father’s reasoning included the under-developed brain of emerging adults, his spiritual viewpoint of tattoos, and their long-term impact upon the individual’s body.   Although he couldn’t imagine how anyone would want a tattoo, he would allow his child this option at the proper age.

The son ignored his father’s wishes, and the father’s disappointment was obvious.  He was trying not to take his son’s decision personally, but it still hurt.  The reasons not to get a tattoo were so clear to him.  Why would anyone get a tattoo when “style” change so frequently?  He used the word “style” in reference to tattoos several times during our discussion.

I asked what he meant by “style” and he said.  “In our world clothing styles change every season, and hair styles change once every couple of months.  Why would you get a permanent tattoo?”

While growing up, I often heard people associate tattoos as a trend.  With a larger portion of the population getting inked in today’s world, few would categorized tattoos as a style or fad that changes change with time.  In my discussions with emerging adults, the decision to get a tattoo often reflected a life event, core belief, or part of their identity (more – Sacred Ink).

They are the opposite of a fad, but tattoos often reflect a person’s longing for permanence and search for uniqueness.  The process of globalization has made it even more difficult for people to establish their own place in our world.  Tattoos are a simple way for humans to create a marker of their identity.

As I began to speak, there was a beautiful moment as for the first time, the father understood his son’s perspective.  We sat in a quiet moment.  When our time ended, he turned to me and said, “I have learned a lot.  We should talk again.”

David - Prof 2Another day in the life of a generational mediator.

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Managing Director of EA Resources, a non-profit that seeks to equip churches and parents to minister to emerging adults.

 

Creating a Vision for Emerging Adult Ministry

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A vision of a renewed Jerusalem was given by Nehemiah to rebuild the walls.  In Nehemiah 2:17-18, Nehemiah says,

group of girls

Photo courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2014. www.aaronrobertphotography.com

“You see the trouble we are in: Jerusalem lies in ruins, and its gates have been burned with fire. Come, let us rebuild the wall of Jerusalem, and we will no longer be in disgrace.” I also told them about the gracious hand of my God on me and what the king had said to me.”

Nehemiah starts with their present condition, and moves to where they should go by providing them a vision and a reminder that God is with them.

A vision does not provide a picture of the way things are, but an image of what could and should be.  It focuses a community on where they are going and what must be done to get there.  It unifies them as they work towards the common good.

If you are seeking a vision for how to minister to emerging adults, here are a few reflections:

Visions are God-given.

group of girls2

Photo courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2014. www.aaronrobertphotography.com

True visions cannot be copied.  You do not pick them up at a conference, or by mimicking another ministry model.  Visions come while seeking the presence of God.  Due to the overwhelming church-as-business culture, the terms vision and mission statement are often misconstrued to be synonymous when they are quite different.  We have been taught all visions must be easy to read, look nice in print, and be filled with hip lingo.  However, true visions do not require confirmation by human intellect, approval by church hierarchy, and cannot be minimized by available resources.  If you want a God-given vision cancel your conference, turn off the noise, and sit in the presence of God’s Spirit.

Visions are Spirit-led.

Leaders are always searching for evidence of the Spirit’s work.  They are constantly seeking for stirrings of spiritual growth, and wondering either how they can help, or how to get out of the way.  In Henry Blackabee’s study Experiencing God, he says, “Go to where God is at work, and join Him there.”

Due to the dynamic nature of our world, visions can change.  They are not eternal, but have a shelf-life which is often dependent upon leadership.  This doesn’t mean that the vision was wrong, but that it needs to shift due to our constantly changing world.

Visions are human-powered.

While visions are given by God, we are His hands and feet in this world to accomplish the work.  I Corinthians 3:9 says, “For we are co-workers in God’s service; you are God’s field, God’s building.”  We have the privilege of working side-by-side with others in God’s service.  Because developing and realizing your vision is so much work, it is important to enlist the help of a team.

Nehemiah couldn’t build the wall alone, and neither can you.  Look to God for a vision, seeking guidance by the Spirit, and recruit a team to work beside you.

David - Prof 2Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.  (Proverbs 29:18)

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Managing Director of EA Resources, a non-profit designed to equip churches and parents to minister to emerging adults.

National Network for those who Minister to Emerging Adults

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In the 1960’s, Wayne Rice and Mike Yacconeli came together to convince the church that ministering to youth was essential for the health of the church.  Their vision turned into the organization Youth Specialties.    According to Mike, “We sure didn’t know where youth ministry or our little company was headed.  All we knew was that God was somehow inviting us into this thing.”

group of girls2

Copyright 2014 by Aaron Robert Photography. Used with permission.

 

Our culture has shifted in the past fifty years, changing the role of church within our country, the role of faith within the life of the individual, and the metanarrative of human development.   These shifts have altered our perception of human development and created a new life phase called “Emerging Adulthood.”

As our world rapidly changes, there is a great need for those ministering to emerging adults to stand and work together.

Together we can accomplish more for the Kingdom.  Together we can…

Gather resources, share ideas, and speak as one that we might attract the attention of others.

But it is more than that… we must awaken the voices of EA’s so they can share.  Give them platforms so they can be heard.  We must show emerging adults that we are listening.  We will convince them that they are not the object of our work, but that side-by-side, we will labor.

group of girls

Copyright 2014 by Aaron Robert Photography. Used with permission.

For in this unity, the church will become all that she was intended to be.

That her body might be whole, and that her beauty might be revealed through diversity as the generations worship our bride – Jesus Christ.

I have glimpses of the vision.  I have two hands, one of which holds a pen.  I have pennies in a bucket.  I know a few people who stand beside me in this work.

It is not much, but it is a start.

Who has hands that are ready to work?    

Who has resources to contribute to this movement?  

Who has the connections to get the ball rolling?  

Who has a passion that cannot be contained? 

Who has a vision of what could be?  

Not for the sake of any organization, but for the sake of the Kingdom.  Not for the sake of another conference, but for our common purpose.  Not for the sake of another voice, but a medium through which we can hear His voice.

To whoever has resources, let them give. To whoever has hands, here is a shovel.  To whoever has a vision, let them speak.

If you resonate with this call, you may have something to contribute.  Please contact me.

May we together step forward in faith, and look forward to seeing what God will do.

profil pictureDr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources, a non-profit designed to help churches and parents understand emerging adulthood.