© 2012 Israel_photo_gallery, Flickr | CC-BY-SA | via Wylio
There are young adults are leaving the church (for various reasons), and while some are returning as they age – many others are walking away never to return. Continue reading
Photo Courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2013. www.aaronrobertphotography.com
Parenting an emerging adult is not always easy. EA Resources is designed to provide resources to equip parents to prepare them for the journey ahead.
Here are some great sources to bookmark, or to subscribe to their e-mail subscriptions. They provide great insight into the challenges faced by emerging adults and their parents.
Center for Parent and Youth Understanding
If you know of a resource, please send me a link at gdavid@earesources.org.
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A range of circumstances can damage your credit. Loss of your job, getting behind on various loan payments, and carrying a high balance on your credit card can contribute to bad credit. As you begin the credit repair journey, it’s important to stay positive and to focus on doing it the right way. By having faith and taking control of the matter in a mature and morally responsible way, you can get your credit score back up again.
Ways to Repair Credit After Bankruptcy
Dire circumstances can sometimes force us to file for bankruptcy. After doing so, you must first understand where you stand. Firstly, you should know your credit score, which can be obtained for free once a year from Annual Credit Report. Know that filing for bankruptcy deeply hurts your credit (from 130 to 240 points), so prepare to see a low number. Check for any errors on the report, and notify the credit bureaus if you find any. Credit reporting errors can seriously damage your score.
Not all types of debt can be eliminated in bankruptcy, such as tax debts and student loans. Make a chart of these debts and then highlight those that have high balances or high interest rates.
Once you have a clear picture of what you owe, you need to figure out ways to get your balances lower, as making payments on time and lowering balances is the best way to improve credit. Another option is to open new lines of credit and paying off your balance each month.
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Change your financial habits as well. Repent for past mistakes by setting a financial plan for the future and having the willpower to stick to it. Have payment reminders sent to you so you know when money is due. Resist the temptation to spend on things you don’t need. Self-control can help a lot here, as you can put more money in your pocket each month with simple lifestyle changes, such as eating out less, renting movies instead of going to the theater, and carpooling to work. If you can, find extra work by using your networks in the neighborhood, at church, and within your family.
Ways to Repair Credit After Foreclosure
Anything from unemployment and underemployment to overspending can cause foreclosure. Losing your home is emotionally difficult, and sometimes it’s hard to focus on getting back on track.
The first thing you should do is make sure you and your family have a safe and affordable place to live. The monthly payment shouldn’t exceed 28 percent of your monthly income. Understand that you won’t be able to get a mortgage for three to seven years. Stay patient and positive, and work to rebuild your credit during this time.
Address your current financial situation and review all your debts. Plan to pay those with the highest interest rates and balances first. View your credit score, but don’t get too distraught even though it’s probably down anywhere from 85 to 160 points. Faith and the motivation to make positive changes are what you need, not negativity.
Work on ways to cut down on expenses and continue to pay down debt. Put those credit cards away unless you absolutely have to use them. Discipline is what you need right now.
Fixing your credit after falling on hard times takes patience, self-control, and willpower. It’s a long road, but the right blend of faith, lifestyle changes, and careful planning can put you on the bright road to credit recovery.
Jesse Woodhouse is a Team Lead at TopTenReviews. He is a proud husband and father and loves sports, music and the outdoors.
I found this image on the web, and wanted to share it with my readers. Other than being an Extreme Marvel Fan, I love how this comic defines the importance of becoming autonomous.
Autonomy is the ability to make decisions and deal with the consequences. Here are a few questions to test whether or not you are able to think and act for yourselves.
1. Can I tell someone “no” without worrying whether or not they still like me?
2. Do I have a clear understanding of who I am, and what I like (personal identity) which is distinct from those around me?
3. Can I make decisions without asking everyone around me?
4. Am I afraid to make decisions because I fear my decision will leave me alone or isolated from others?
5. Do I seek friends who look, act, and sound exactly like me?
6. Do I always wait to see what everyone else is doing before making a decision or expressing an opinion?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quicksilver_(comics)
7. Do I have trouble making decisions about what I like or want to do?
8. Can I tell someone my opinion without stress?
9. Am I able to withstand peer pressure?
10. Do I enjoy diversity, or does it make me uncomfortable?
Establishing your personal autonomy is crucial for your development into adulthood.
I wish that my journey into autonomy would have also granted me access into the X-men. I guess the good news is that I never have to wear a spandex suit.
Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources, a non-profit designed to encourage emerging adults and their parents.
“Sadly, some couples rush toward marriage as soon as they taste the initial burst of romance. They may have only dated for a few months, but their blissful feelings convince them that they are destined for each other.”
The article comes from Dating with Pure Passion: More than Rules, More than Courtship, More than a Formula by Rob Eagar, Copyright 2006.
For those considering engagement, here are some questions to consider:
1. Are you both married to Jesus?
2. Can you resolve conflict together?
3. Have you both dealt with your baggage?
4. Do you have the support of family and friends?
5. Have you sought pre-engagement counseling together?
6. Do you bring out the best in each other?
7. Is leadership properly established in your relationships?
8. Are you truly passionate about each other?
Read the article HERE.
While I don’t agree with everything stated in the article, I believe that it is important to carefully reflect before stepping into engagement.
Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources. 
Genesis 2:24 says, For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. Marriage is the process where two become one, but this doesn’t magically happen with the words, “I do.”
Photo Courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2015. www.aaronrobertphotography.com
He buys the ring. He asks her parents for permission. He gets down on one knee. He asks the question. But what does it really change? What is the purpose of engagement?
A betrothal (or engagement) period has been around for many centuries, and is well documented during the time of the Old and New Testament. In Matthew 1:18-21, we are told that Joseph and Mary were betrothed. Betrothal was, “a binding contract established between two families and sealed by the exchange of gifts. During this period the couple did not live together; sexual relations with each other at this stage was regarded as equivalent to adultery.” (Reference) A betrothal was so sacred that unfaithfulness during this period was punishable by death.
Engagement is a vital step for the health of a life-long relationship. So if you think a ring is in your future, here are the four purposes for the engagement period.
Engagement is a time when the couple’s community is alerted to the couple’s commitment. One emerging adults said, “The purpose of engagement in my mind is a formal declaration of intent.” It is the formal act whereby a couple announces to parents, relatives, and friends that they are taking active steps towards marriage.
Weddings were never meant to be a private affair, but something to be supported by an entire community. Community support for the wedding is important because marriages are not lived out in isolation, but always exist within the framework of community. As Western society breaks down community in favor of an individualistic lifestyle, our perspective of marriage has been twisted into a private matter lived out within the confines of our suburban home guarded by the fences between us. We must begin realize that a marriage is strengthen by strong public ties to others.
Engagement is a time when you begin to make preparations to live together. As a couple, you begin how to make decisions together, learning how to compromise, and to resolve conflict. Questions that you need to answer include:
However, your questions must go deeper than the practical everyday decisions. Your preparation must include preparing yourself emotional, mentally, and physically for a healthy marriage. One emerging adult said, “There are certain parts of you (deep spiritual and emotional things) that aren’t necessarily healthy to share with someone who you are just dating, no matter how long. Engagement is a great period of transition, where for the first time, there is a promise of forever attached to a relationship, which allows you to move towards each other spiritually and emotionally.” I believe that there are not just physical boundaries that couples should observe, but emotional and spiritual boundaries that should not be crossed until marriage. (For more on this, see Premature Intimacy.)
Faced with such decisions, not all engagement periods are easy, and many couples find themselves in need for a third reason for engagement – counseling.
Photo Courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2013. www.aaronrobertphotography.com
One EA says that premarital counseling, “pushed us to discuss the harder topics.” Dating and engaged couples often stay away from problem topics either to keep everyone happy, or because they are unaware of relational landmines surrounding them. Premarital counseling will examine issues in your relationship including: communication, conflict, finances, marital roles, and past family dynamics.
Although you may feel overwhelmed preparing for the ceremony, good pre-marriage counseling is worth every minute. (Many states give a discount on the marriage license to couples who spend time in premarital counseling.) Notice that I included the word “good.” Be selective about who you choose to do your counseling. The main factors for choosing a counselor should be: relational (Do they understand people?), comfortable (Do I feel as if I can be authentic?), experienced (Do they any experience working with marriage?), availability (Will they care about me and my partner?), and location (Are they too far away?).
Photo Courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2013. www.aaronrobertphotography.com
The last reason for the engagement period is to plan the wedding. While it is the most obvious, it is not the most important. No one will remember the décor or food at your wedding; so don’t let these details keep you from enjoying the other aspects of your engagement. It is hard work to plan a wedding, but many families cave to societal pressures, and make it harder than it needs to be.
As you approach engagement, please know that the process of becoming one may be difficult. One EA says, “Engagement has proven for both of us to be the time that we’ve both experienced our greatest doubts and also our greatest joys with one another. However, there’s a new level of safety in the fact that we’re both on the same page preparing to commit to one another that has allowed for deeper honesty (even in the hard truths and confrontations) and has resulted in a greater spiritual and emotional connection.”
Dr. G. David Boyd is the Managing Director of EA Resources. He is supported by a group of emerging adults who speak into his articles in order to help others. If you are interested in joining his team of contributors, you can contact him at gdavid@earesources.org.
During my seminary years, I took a class on discipleship. I enjoyed our teacher. I enjoyed the class. I did not enjoy the final class project. We were supposed to design an image and curriculum that conveyed our plan of discipleship.
I hated it. Going through the hoops, I sketched out some baseball diamond shape, but I would never have used it (partially because I cannot imagine celebrating “second base” with a disciple). As modernism invaded our seminaries, students and professors planned and objectified everything about the faith – including disciple-making.
Discipleship cannot be summed up in a curriculum, or Jesus could have simply written a textbook.
Shaping the Journey of Emerging Adults: Life-Giving Rhythms for Spiritual Transformation by Richard Dunn and Jana Sundene was published by Intervarsity in 2012. This book steps towards removing the modernistic perspective by inspiring the church to build intergenerational relationships for the cause of the Kingdom. Along with the authors, I believe, “Fully mature spiritual adulthood cannot be reached without intentional relationships that invest Christ’s grace, truth, and love into the young adult’s life.” (Dunn, 16)
I appreciate their understanding of the challenges facing emerging adults (who are currently Millennials) without bashing them. They state,
A caring disciple maker does not soothe the unpleasant aspects of this stage away. Instead, they value this God-given time of life as a way for the young adult to become more attuned to the work of becoming like Christ. (Dunn, 40)
The authors’ understand that, “Among today’s emerging adults, often there are less consistent markers, making ‘reaching adulthood’ more confusing.” (Dunn and Sundene, 40) Marking the road to adulthood by developmental markers (rather than traditional markers like marriage, children, buying a home, or having a job) helps emerging adults continue to mature. I believe there are three main developmental markers for emerging adults: Discovering Vocation, Establishing Autonomy, and Developing Community.
The book presents three “Life-giving Rhythms” for Spiritual Transformation. I appreciate the imagery provided by the phrase “life-giving” because sometimes our spiritual development appears to drain the life out of us rather than give us the life that Jesus speaks about in John 10:10. Their three rhythms are:
“Disciplemaking relationships can take multiple forms, varying in style and approach according to the personalities involved.” (Dunn and Sundene, 65) Listening to the voice of God on the behalf of another requires discernment. A disciple-maker’s desire is not simply for us to examine their lives and see what we want changed, but to listen to them and discern what God is doing.
Spiritual depth in relationships rarely happens naturally, but requires intentionality. “Intentionality produces positive spiritual tension.” (Dunn and Sundene, 91) Disciple-making is filled with “awkward” moments that are not to be avoided, but cherished.
Photo Courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2014. www.aaronrobertphotography.com
I appreciate their emphasis upon the importance of reflection for both emerging adults, and those working with them. Emerging adults are too focused on surviving the present, and forget to savor the past. It is important for all Christians to reflect on God’s work and faithfulness in the past in order to hold to faith in the present.
These three aspects frame their practical applications, and are helpful for those seeking to impact others. What a great gift to the church in order to help us move towards a new era of disciple-making.
The “life-giving rhythms” of spiritual transformation should not be practiced only by older adults, but both sides of intergenerational relationships give and receive. This is what makes the body of Christ not dependent on one another, but interdependent as God designed us to be.
Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources, a non-profit designed to provide resources to churches and parents of emerging adults.
Photo Courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2015. www.aaronrobertphotography.com
Mentoring is a hot topic these days within the church. Many people say they want to find a mentor, however, few actually do the work (or find the courage) to acquire one. Sharon Parks writes, “Restoring mentoring as a cultural force could significantly revitalize our institutions and provide the intergenerational glue to address some of our deepest and most pervasive concerns.” (Parks 2000, 12) This quote acknowledges that our deepest concerns about our society and the church cannot be solved by one sector of society, but will require a unified vision of all generations.
Many young adults seek after mentors within their vocational fields in order to build their knowledge, contacts, and other resources. Emerging adults are taught to seek after mentors in order to advance. This perspective of mentoring further defines mentoring as a relationship where one gives to another. One partner of the relationship is a gatekeeper to money, fame, experience, or advancement.
Mentoring is defined as “someone who teaches or gives help and advice to a less experienced and often younger person.” (Merriam-Webster, Online). This definition clearly expresses a unidirectional relationship where one gives, and the other receives. However, anyone who has spent significant time with a person from another generation knows that both individuals give, and both individuals receive. Healthy human relationships are omnidirectional where giving and receiving moves in both directions.
As Millennials come of age, a new perspective of mentorship has emerged, one which is changing our understanding and praxis of mentorship. Kinnamen states, “Are you open to “reverse” mentoring, wherein you allow younger leaders to challenge your faith and renew the church?” (Kinnamen, 205) Setran and Kiesling in their excellent book Spiritual Formation in Emerging Adulthood say, “…guidance still desperately needed but it is a guidance that is dialogical and mutual rather than unidirectional mentoring (Setran, 206). We must acknowledge the interdependence of human relationships among generations. While many resort to the word mentoring, the concept has changed and requires us to go beyond.
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Scientists use the term symbiosis to describe relationships that exist for the mutual benefit of each individual. One example of a symbiotic relationship is the Goby Fish and Snapping Shrimp. The near-blind shrimp relies on the eyes of the Goby fish while constructs and maintains borrows on the ocean floor. With one flap of his tail, the fish communicates to his partner that danger is present. Another example is the African Oxpecker’s relationship with various large African animals. Larger animals are cleared of ticks by the Oxpecker who live off the ticks (and according to more recent findings, the blood of their host as well). Symbiosis illustrates the interdependence relationships that God designed humans to develop. (Here is a scientific article on the topic.)
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We were designed by God to be in relationships with others. Interdependent relationships cause growth and maturity. Interdependent relationships supply love and encouragement. Interdependent relationships provide personal significance (“My life matters to another person.”)
The time has come when we are called to go beyond mentoring. We must seek relationships in which we give and receive. We must move from independence into interdependence. We must call others to do the same.
References:
Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources, a non-profit designed to provide resources to parents and churches as they seek to help emerging adults.
I found a great article to encourage those who are facing student debt. The average debt load is $29,400 for those who are graduating from college. This amount of debt may seem staggering, but it can be conquered.
Some highlights from the article that we can all learn:
1. Debt reduction became a priority. This student took on a second job in order to help pay down his debt. What steps can you take?
2. Picture it. Imagine the day you pay off your loans. How will it make you feel? I graduated from Seminary with $27k in loans, and I still remember the day when my wife and I paid them off.
3. Take time to celebrate. What are you going to do in order to celebrate your debt retirement?
