Helping Your Child “Survive and Thrive” at their First Job

As a high school junior, I got my first job working in a small independent bookstore.  Our small staff loved each other, and what we did.  I left school early to work each afternoon, and then on Saturdays.  I have to admit that it was a great job – no sweating in the summer heat, or over a grill.

My job taught me a lot, and made me excited not just about the money, but about what I learned.  Since then, my jobs have not all been that fun (painting the behind urinals at a local prison) or easy (like scraping windows on the third story of scaffolding), but my first job taught me to love work, and to work hard.

How to help your child thrive at their first job.

1.  Clarify priorities.

Photo courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. www.aaronrobertphotography.com Copyright 2014.

The ability to make decisions based upon priorities is important skill as many will go to college where the academic and social options are endless.  Guide your child as they set their priorities.  One parent states:  “We encourage(d) our kids to prioritize: God, family, school, athletics & activities and finally work.”  Whether or not you agree with this family’s priorities, the discussion of priorities is essential.

When different opportunities arise (like school, work, or sports), adolescents need to learn the ability to say no to certain activities based on their priorities. One Emerging Adult reflects on how their choice to work affected other areas of their life.  “For me, work took the place of several extra-curricular activities.”   Do not allow your children to participate in everything, but force them to make choices at they get older.

2.  Set boundaries.

When adding a new role as worker (or employee), it is important for adolescents to set boundaries.  While vocational development and earning money may be important, it is not the only piece of your child’s development.  Therefore parents must help adolescents choose and uphold boundaries.

Here are some questions to discuss with your child:

a.  Will your child be allowed to work during family worship time?

b.  Will your child be allowed to miss other church activities? (Like youth group or retreats.)

c.  When will your child have access to a car?

d.  What hours/days of the week will your child be allowed to work?

e.  Are there restrictions on how paychecks will be spent?

f.  Who is responsible to pay for gas, insurance for the car?

One family described their rules, “[Our children] couldn’t work more than 15 hours a week.  They had to keep their grades up, to tithe (however much God led them to), and to save a little from each paycheck.

When a child [or their workplace] crosses a boundary, a parent has the right to enforce them.  This is not interfering, but parenting.  A parent does hold the ability to tell an adolescent that they can no longer work.  While living with their parents, our children need to know that holding a job, like all other adolescent activities is a privilege, and not their right.  Like other privileges, this freedom can be removed.

3.  Discuss expectations.

© 2011 DVIDSHUB, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

We all have expectations in life.  Sometimes adolescents know and communicate these expectation, but at others times they are hidden. If you want your child’s first work experience to be a success, discuss their expectations.  Ask your child what they expect in the areas of pay, hours, the type of work, the work environment, and their interactions with others.  If their expectations are unrealistic, help them research the facts on-line, rather than simply bursting their bubble.  Help them envision and define what success will look like for them whether it is becoming a manager, or making a friend.

Not everyone will have a dream job while in high school, but it can be a positive experience when priorities are established, expectations are discussed, and boundaries are set.  So whether your child is digging dirt, flipping burgers, or selling books – guide them in how to have a healthy perspective of vocation.

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.  He is thankful for all those who helped him survive and thrive during his vocational journey.

Go Get a Job – The Developmental Reasons for Adolescents to Work during High School

While “Go Get a Job” can become the go-to response for parents whose children are regularly asking for money, getting a job is a big decision for both adolescents and their parents.  The purpose of this article is to help parents think through the reasons why an adolescents should get a job.   While getting your child away from the house may be helpful, as one parent said, “There needs to be a measurable, attainable goal.”

Here are some good reasons to allow your adolescent to “Go Get a Job:”

1.  Financial Need

Parents should communicate to their children through word and deed that they are not a source of endless money regardless of their life stage.  One parents says, “Whether or not my children get a job is up to them, but I will not be handing out free money.”  Saying no to your children’s financial demands is great motivation for them to get a job, and develops a sense of personal autonomy.

© 2008 Jason Tester Guerrilla Futures, Flickr | CC-BY-ND | via Wylio

I have seen so many parents take second jobs, and work around the clock in order to fulfill each demand of their adolescent children.  This is especially true in today’s world when college is perceived as an entitlement rather than an opportunity.  Speak regularly with your adolescents to set their expectations about college.  One parent says her children, “worked hard for the privilege of getting a higher education. I don’t think they’ll take it for granted, ever.”  Parents should not be seen as benefactors of their children, but both children and parents are participants within the family system.

2.  Learn Skills

Entry-level jobs can teach skills that are key to life development.  One emerging adults states, “A job helped me to learn skills to keep a work schedule, manage my own money and time, and interact with managers, bosses, and coworkers.”  Another Emerging Adult says, “As a soccer referee, I learned how to treat people professionally even when they don’t reciprocate.”  This emerging adult took his soccer knowledge, and turned it into a vocational skill.  Skills learned by adolescents include:  responsibility, time management, the value of work, working with others, working with customers, computer skills, dealing with authority, and business etiquette.

3.  Discern Vocation

© 2009 Alex France, Flickr | CC-BY-SA | via Wylio

Adolescents are ready to begin a life-long journey of finding work that will provide for themselves and those they love.  In these early jobs, emerging adults can learn what type of work fulfills them.  For example, an adolescent can learn whether they enjoy working with people, or working alone.  One emerging adult reflects, “I wish looking back that I had invested more in jobs that would have prepared me for a career after school, by focusing on getting administrative or service experience.  Instead, I went for what worked with my schedule and paid the most.”

 4.  Social Skills

While getting your kid out of the house should not be the only motivation, your child must learn to develop new social networks.  Learning social skills including:  listening, following authority, smiling, contributing to conversations, and managing conflict are crucial.  One emerging adult shares their experience.  “I just liked the job, because I had a friend who worked there so we had a blast working together, and all the adults in the place loved us and treated us like their kids. I’m still FB friends with most of them.”  Sometimes parents want to protect our children from outside influences during high school; however, it is important that adolescents are able to build their own social network.

 5.  Learn Autonomy

A workplace setting will require the adolescent to develop autonomy.  As a parent, you must allow them to make their own decisions and face the consequences.  It is not your job to wake them up for work each morning, to call their boss, or to fill out their paperwork.  If an adolescent’s first job comes through family connections, it is even more important that parents stay out of their work world, and allow the child to achieve or fail based upon their own performance.

There are several reasons to encourage your children venture out into the world of work.  One parent writes, “each family has to look at the individual kid and see what makes sense for them and the family.  Every child will be different.”

May God guide you as you reflect on your child’s developmental needs.

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.

Vocation: Discerning Your Calling

Vocation: Discerning Your CallingI found this great article written by Dr. Tim Keller on defining vocation, and wanted to share it with my readers.  In 1989 Dr. Timothy J. Keller, his wife and three young sons moved to New York City to begin Redeemer Presbyterian Church.

I believe that Vocation is one the three developmental tasks of emerging adulthood.  It is crucial that emerging adults and their parents have a proper Christian perspective of what vocation does AND DOES NOT mean.

My Highlight

“Your vocation is a part of God’s work in the world, and God gives you resources for serving the human community.”

 

After the Nest is Empty – Redefining Your Life After Kids

© 2008 Robert S. Donovan, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

Many parents dream of the empty nest for years, while others dread it from the day that their children are born.  When it comes, few people are able to adequately prepare for the changes that come after dropping off their children at college.  Continue reading

How Long is Too Long? Waiting for Prince Charming to Pop the Question.

rachel by water

Photo Courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2013. www.aaronrobertphotography.com

He rode into your life on a white horse.  He swept you off your feet, and stole your heart.  You sensed God’s leading and blessing in this fairy-tale love story.  But that was months ago, years ago, and nothing has progressed.  While you have talked many times about long-term commitment, he has yet to “Put a Ring on it.” Continue reading

Guess Who Cares For Young Adults When They Move Back Home

ADULTKIDS_BANNER

I came across this article, and wanted to share it with my readers.  Heather Krause is a statistician who works with nonprofit organizations.  As you read, here are a few thoughts.

1.  If you are making lunches for an emerging adult, you are not helping them, but discouraging their development (through hindering their personal autonomy).

2.  Although “moving out” is considered the pinnacle marker of adulthood, it is not adequate for establishing adulthood.  Assuming that proper boundaries are established, families can remain living together their entire lives.

3.  The author states that she doesn’t care about doing housework that her grown children should be doing.  I believe that this is due to the fact that many adults fail to redefine their lives when children move out.  After years of caring for children, an empty nest requires that the individual redefine their personal lives, their marriage, and their home.

Dr. G. David Boyd

 

Emerging Adults – In Defense of a New Human Life Phase

Millennials have been called many names during their pursuit of adulthood including:  lazy, narcissistic, immature, and other words that I prefer not to type.  The purpose of this article is to explain why a new human life phase is beneficial to both Millennials and the rest of us.  Continue reading

FACTCHECKER: DOES COLLEGE CAUSE YOUNG ADULTS TO LOSE THEIR FAITH?

I recently came across an article that I wanted to share with my readers.

Parents do have a great fear that college will mark the end of their child’s faith.  However, here are a few points that I would like to make.

1.  Many parents blame college, but the adolescent actually left their faith many years before.

Adolescents leave the faith for a variety of reasons, and parents sometimes turn away from signs that their children no longer hold to the faith that they were taught as children (article).  I recommend a book on this subject by Drew Dyck, Generation:  Ex-Christian.

2.  Professors do not want to convert your children.

The recent film “God’s Not Dead” continues to paint the picture that professors desire to destroy Christians.  While some professors may be personally hostile towards a  specific religion, faculty  cannot discriminate against people of a specific religion, by grading their religious beliefs.

3.  Postmodernism allows diversity and a variety of religious beliefs and experiences on campus.

Christian Smith states, “The increase of relativism and the decline of strict scientism, which allows for discussion of faith and spiritual speculation, similar to what Paul experienced at the Aeropagus.”  Dr. Smith is talking about the decline of modernity, and the rise of post-modernity.  While some Christians have in the past been extremely out-spoken against postmodernism, it has made college campuses more accepting of faith and diversity.

Here is the article.  The author, Glenn T. Stanton is the director of family formation studies at Focus on the Family and the author of five books.

I hope that it is an encouragement to you as you parent.

 

Why Courtship is Fundamentally Flawed

Lonely Woman on a Bench - Why Courtship is Fundamentally FlawedI find it amusing whenever a person starts talking about the “Right” or “Biblical” way to find a mate.  If you look through the pages of the Bible, several methods of getting a mate might get you in trouble these days.   Continue reading