Average Educational Debt and Inflation

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https://twitter.com/wsj/status/467631829882007553

I found this chart on the Wall Street Journal, and wanted to share it with my readers.  While the economy has improved over the last three years, the gap between earnings and educational debt has continued to grow.

It is more crucial than ever for…

As the church, we must seek to minister to people in various stages of life and the challenges they are facing.  May God guide and empower you as you seek to care for the emerging adults in your life.  If I can help, please let me know.

david in hat - blackDr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources, a non-profit designed to encourage parents and churches as they seek to minister to emerging adults.

 

 

Are you a Helicopter Parent? 10 Indicators of your Status

http://www.theonlinerocket.com/opinion/2014/09/11/helicopter-parents-ruin-college-life/#

1.    Have you filled out a college or job application for your child?

2.  Have you made a doctor’s appointment for your adult child?

3.  Do you text your child repeatedly only to be ignored?

4.  Does it bother you that you cannot check their missing homework assignments and grades on-line?

5.  Have you called or attempted to talk to your child’s professor?

6.  Do you regularly ask about what they ate for their last meal?

7.  Do you check their bank account balances?

8.  Do you still do their laundry?

9.  Are you still trying to determine their friends and dating partners?

10.  Do you need to have confirmation that they are home each night                and sleeping well?

While some of these questions might be appropriate for a parent to occasionally ask, if you answered yes to several of these questions, you are “hovering.”

If you answered yes,

9-10  You are hovering extremely low, and danger lies ahead for you and your child.

6-8 You are suffocating them, and any of their friends that you haven’t already scared away.

3-5 You are directly overhead, and your child is trying to run for cover.

1-2    Great job!  You have found new ways to show love to your child as they step into adulthood.

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources, a non-profit designed to encourage emerging adults and their parents.

 

 

 

 

New Seminar: Trusting Them, Trusting God

10070036 from Flickr via Wylio

© 2012 moodboard, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

On Thursday, May 7, Christian Life in Farmington, MN will be hosting a seminar for parents entitled,

Trusting Them, Trusting God: Allowing Our Children to Grow in the Decision-making Process”

The conference will begin at 6:30 PM.

The ability to make decisions is crucial to your child’s entrance into adulthood, but many parents struggle to step back and allow their children to make choices (and sometimes fail).  In this conference, we will explore the biblical basis for allowing our children to make decisions, and how to equip them to make good decisions.  We will explore the difficulties they face when making decisions in today’s culture.  Ultimately, this conference will encourage your heart, and call you to renewed faith in God.

This workshop is completely free.  You can help us prepare by RSVPing at HMeyen@christianlifeschool.org.  

Maxing the Memories: Solid Ideas for Creating Rites of Passage for Students

Here is a link to an article on YouthWorker.com that discusses the reasons for having Rites of Passage in the church.

It is written by Stephanie Caro who is a youth worker, author, and speaker.

I am a strong believer in reintroducing Rites of Passages into the church and our families.  If we are going to help emerging adults step into adulthood, then we must give them clear directions and expectations.  Rites of passage are part of this process.

Here are a few links to read more about Rites of Passage.

The Loss of Rites of Passages

Who Defines Manhood?

21 and Over

Raising a Modern-Day Knight

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources, a non-profit designed to provide resources to churches, families, and emerging adults.

 

Beyond Mentoring – Marks of a Symbiotic Relationship

Photo Courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2013. www.aaronrobertphotography.com

Last month, I shared how the church needs to think beyond mentoring to engage emerging adults.  Mentoring often gives the impression of an omnidirectional relationship where one person gives and one receives.  Our economic mindset has also set the image of a mentor as one who stands in authority over another, and who serves as a gatekeeper for wealth, knowledge, or fame.

The church needs to go beyond mentoring.  Rather than succumbing to our western society which values independence, the church needs to rediscover its roots in our interdependence.  God created the church to do more than gather together, but to need each other.  One picture used regularly to illustrate the interdependence of the church is the body of Christ (see 1 Cor 12; Rom 12).

Christians should be seeking symbiotic relationships, where each partner benefits from the relationship without assumptions of power, rank, or importance.  A symbiotic relationship is a connection that is for the mutual benefit of each individual.  Here are some marks of symbiotic relationships:

Relational versus Programmatic

Photo Courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2014. www.aaronrobertphotography.com

We were designed by God to be in relationships with others.  Church leadership needs to manage less programs, and become more relationally perceptive.  Shepherds need to see who within our community would naturally connect in symbiotic relationships.

In nature, symbiotic relationships develop because both animals see the need, and are drawn by the natural benefits of the relationship.  Those seeking relationships must ask, “Who has God placed near me?” and “Who am I naturally drawn towards?”

Authentic versus Staged

In typical mentorships, the mentor must come with the gathering staged or set.  Whether it is a set list of questions, a specific topic, or even to allow the meeting unplanned, the mentor feels responsible for setting the stage.  When this responsibility is laid solely upon one member, it can lead to a lack of authenticity.

Symbiotic relationships still require intentionality, but the responsibility is shared.  Intentionality turns hanging out with a friend into building spiritual intimacy.  Someone must lead the discussion towards our faith, and then allow the Holy Spirit to steer the time towards sacred space.

Learning versus Teaching

In symbiotic relationships, participants approach the relationship saying, “What can I learn?”  Teaching is the natural outflow of two different parts of the Body of Christ working together, occurring without a lesson plan as the Spirit speaks through His word, the conversation, and sharing life.

Purpose-giving versus Purpose-driven

Rarely do people want to be someone else’s purpose-driven spiritual project.  Unfortunately, sometimes mentors believe that they know exactly what their partner needs.   (For instance, “I need to show them…”, or “They need to learn…”).  One individual controls the relationship rather than letting God work freely.  God always set the agenda of symbiotic relationship.

Symbiotic relationships provide personal significance.  Our motivation for the relationship is not because I am supposed to do it, but because I see how my life matters to another person.  As we walk away from a symbiotic relationship, both people are thinking, “Wow, I needed that.”

Many people who use the term “mentor” have already moved beyond the stereotypical and possibly unhealthy uses of the role.  Regardless of the term you use, as a member of the Body of Christ, seek interdependent relationships.

david in hat - blackDr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of Emerging Adult Resources.  He resides in Apple Valley, MN with his wife Rachel and three boys.  If you would like to contact him, you can reach him at gdavid@earesources.org.

We know it is a problem.

We know it is a problem.

© 2012 Israel_photo_gallery, Flickr | CC-BY-SA | via Wylio

There are young adults are leaving the church (for various reasons), and while some are returning as they age – many others are walking away never to return. Continue reading

Great Website Resources for Parents of Emerging Adults

Photo Courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2013. www.aaronrobertphotography.com

Parenting an emerging adult is not always easy.  EA Resources is designed to provide resources to equip parents to prepare them for the journey ahead.

Here are some great sources to bookmark, or to subscribe to their e-mail subscriptions.  They provide great insight into the challenges faced by emerging adults and their parents.

About Parenting

Relevant Magazine

College Affordability

Saving 4 College

Boundless

Sticky Faith

Center for Parent and Youth Understanding

If you know of a resource, please send me a link at gdavid@earesources.org.

 

X-Men and Emerging Adulthood – Entrance Exam

I found this image on the web, and wanted to share it with my readers.  Other than being an Extreme Marvel Fan, I love how this comic defines the importance of becoming autonomous.

Act for Yourselves - X-menAutonomy is the ability to make decisions and deal with the consequences.  Here are a few questions to test whether or not you are able to think and act for yourselves.

1.  Can I tell someone “no” without worrying whether or not they still like me?

2.  Do I have a clear understanding of who I am, and what I like (personal identity) which is distinct from those around me?

3.  Can I make decisions without asking everyone around me?

4.  Am I afraid to make decisions because I fear my decision will leave me alone or isolated from others?

5.  Do I seek friends who look, act, and sound exactly like me?

6.  Do I always wait to see what everyone else is doing before making a decision or expressing an opinion?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quicksilver_(comics)

7.  Do I have trouble making decisions about what I like or want to do?

8.   Can I tell someone my opinion without stress?

9.  Am I able to withstand peer pressure?

10.  Do I enjoy diversity, or does it make me uncomfortable?

Establishing your personal autonomy is crucial for your development into adulthood.

 

 

I wish that my journey into autonomy would have also granted me access into the X-men.  I guess the good news is that I never have to wear a spandex suit.

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources, a non-profit designed to encourage emerging adults and their parents.

The Purpose of Engagement

Photo Courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2015. www.aaronrobertphotography.com

He buys the ring.  He asks her parents for permission.  He gets down on one knee.  He asks the question.  But what does it really change?  What is the purpose of engagement?

A betrothal (or engagement) period has been around for many centuries, and is well documented during the time of the Old and New Testament.  In Matthew 1:18-21, we are told that Joseph and Mary were betrothed.  Betrothal was, “a binding contract established between two families and sealed by the exchange of gifts. During this period the couple did not live together; sexual relations with each other at this stage was regarded as equivalent to adultery.” (Reference)  A betrothal was so sacred that unfaithfulness during this period was punishable by death.

Engagement is a vital step for the health of a life-long relationship.  So if you think a ring is in your future, here are the four purposes for the engagement period.

1.  Prepare our communities.

Engagement is a time when the couple’s community is alerted to the couple’s commitment.  One emerging adults said, “The purpose of engagement in my mind is a formal declaration of intent.”  It is the formal act whereby a couple announces to parents, relatives, and friends that they are taking active steps towards marriage.

Weddings were never meant to be a private affair, but something to be supported by an entire community.  Community support for the wedding is important because marriages are not lived out in isolation, but always exist within the framework of community.  As Western society breaks down community in favor of an individualistic lifestyle, our perspective of marriage has been twisted into a private matter lived out within the confines of our suburban home guarded by the fences between us.  We must begin realize that a marriage is strengthen by strong public ties to others.

2.  Prepare for life together

Engagement is a time when you begin to make preparations to live together.  As a couple, you begin how to make decisions together, learning how to compromise, and to resolve conflict.  Questions that you need to answer include:

  • Where will we live?
  • Will we have money?
  • What will we eat?
  • What will we drive?

However, your questions must go deeper than the practical everyday decisions.  Your preparation must include preparing yourself emotional, mentally, and physically for a healthy marriage.  One emerging adult said, “There are certain parts of you (deep spiritual and emotional things) that aren’t necessarily healthy to share with someone who you are just dating, no matter how long.  Engagement is a great period of transition, where for the first time, there is a promise of forever attached to a relationship, which allows you to move towards each other spiritually and emotionally.”  I believe that there are not just physical boundaries that couples should observe, but emotional and spiritual boundaries that should not be crossed until marriage.   (For more on this, see Premature Intimacy.)

Faced with such decisions, not all engagement periods are easy, and many couples find themselves in need for a third reason for engagement – counseling.

3.  Premarital Counseling

Photo Courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2013. www.aaronrobertphotography.com

One EA says that premarital counseling, “pushed us to discuss the harder topics.”  Dating and engaged couples often stay away from problem topics either to keep everyone happy, or because they are unaware of relational landmines surrounding them.  Premarital counseling will examine issues in your relationship including:  communication, conflict, finances, marital roles, and past family dynamics.

Although you may feel overwhelmed preparing for the ceremony, good pre-marriage counseling is worth every minute.  (Many states give a discount on the marriage license to couples who spend time in premarital counseling.)  Notice that I included the word “good.”  Be selective about who you choose to do your counseling.  The main factors for choosing a counselor should be:  relational (Do they understand people?), comfortable (Do I feel as if I can be authentic?), experienced (Do they any experience working with marriage?), availability (Will they care about me and my partner?), and location (Are they too far away?).

4.  Plan the Wedding

Photo Courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2013. www.aaronrobertphotography.com

The last reason for the engagement period is to plan the wedding.  While it is the most obvious, it is not the most important.  No one will remember the décor or food at your wedding; so don’t let these details keep you from enjoying the other aspects of your engagement.  It is hard work to plan a wedding, but many families cave to societal pressures, and make it harder than it needs to be.

As you approach engagement, please know that the process of becoming one may be difficult.  One EA says, “Engagement has proven for both of us to be the time that we’ve both experienced our greatest doubts and also our greatest joys with one another. However, there’s a new level of safety in the fact that we’re both on the same page preparing to commit to one another that has allowed for deeper honesty (even in the hard truths and confrontations) and has resulted in a greater spiritual and emotional connection.”

david in hat - blackDr. G. David Boyd is the Managing Director of EA Resources.  He is supported by a group of emerging adults who speak into his articles in order to help others.  If you are interested in joining his team of contributors, you can contact him at gdavid@earesources.org.