Category Archives: For Parents

When Dying is your next Career

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PHYLLISI came across a great article this week that I wanted to share with you.  It is entitled, Author Phyllis Tickle Faces Death As She Enjoyed Life: ‘The Dying Is My Next Career’.  The article was written by David Gibson, and was presented by the Huffington Post.

According to the article, “Phyllis Tickle is a Southern-born and -bred mother of seven and a doyenne of religion writers. She is now 81, and a widow living on a small farm in Lucy, Tenn., just outside of Memphis. On the land where her cows once roamed, stray dogs she has adopted and some family surround her. She is being treated for Stage IV cancer.”

Earlier this week, I wrote how Christians need to present a better view of aging and dying.  This article is part of a new perspective.

Phyllis Tickle is a great example of a Christ-follower.  Here are a few of my favorite lines from the interview:

  • OK, now I know what it’s probably going to be, and probably how much time there is. So you can clean up some of the mess you’ve made and tie up some of the loose ends.”
  • “I am no more afraid of dying than I am of, I don’t know, drinking this coffee,”
  • “Christianity is reconfiguring,” she says. “It’s almost going through another adolescence. And it’s going to come out a better, more mature adult. There’s no question about that.”

My favorite is the Title… The dying is my next career.  Her career has been filled with teaching and writing others how to follow God.

Click here for the Article!

 

What will we teach Millennials about Aging?

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Summer Deck from Flickr via Wylio

© 2011 Todd Petit, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

This past week, I sat on my porch catching up with a long-time friend and emerging adult.  While enjoying the Minnesota summer sun, we talked about life – the simple and complex.  At one shift during the conversation, we discussed aging.  Having just turned 28, he felt as if time had turned against him.

Humans hate aging.  We spend billions of dollars in order to look and feel younger.  I will not attempt to reverse this hatred towards aging and death; however, I believe that if anyone in our world can put a positive spin on aging and death – it is Christians.  While we live in a society of growing “Nones” (Those claiming to be non-religious.), Christians claim a set of beliefs that offer another perspective.

Millard tombstone from Flickr via Wylio

© 2005 Andy / Andrew Fogg, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

  • We believe in an afterlife.
  • We believe in an afterlife that is good.
  • We believe in an afterlife that will reverse the pain, suffering, and blemishes of this world.
  • We believe that this good afterlife is timeless.

Or at least, we say that we do.  Most Christians avoid the topic of death and dying as if they hold no answers.  I know that doubt filters in, and can cause us to stumble.  However, we should regularly reflect on Jesus’ words,

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?  And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.”

Jesus knew his disciples would be troubled by an unknown future, and calls them to trust Him.

Our faith demands that we hold to a different view of the human experience to Millennials.  One in which each phase of life is to be embraced (including dying) and enjoyed.

From our platforms and porches, we need to restore a vision for human death and aging.  We need to cling to faith, and live out our lives in view of our beliefs about death.

A theologically sound view of aging will remove our distaste for it.

A theologically sound view of death will remove its sting.

Teaching and living this view is one Christian belief that will appeal to a world of growing “Nones” and Millennials.

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.david in hat - black

Learning about America’s Growing Non-religious Population- And Who is to Blame

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Growing up within the church, I heard many words to describe those who were not associated with the church including:  non-believers, heathen, the lost, the world, and sinners.  Regardless of what you call those outside the church, the number of people claiming no religion is growing.

The Pew Research Center released a new study this month about the changing religious beliefs among Americans.  Here are a few facts about those who declare themselves non-religious.

1.  They are Young.

Men at work from Flickr via Wylio

© 2013 reynermedia, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

While many U.S. religious groups are aging, the unaffiliated are comparatively young – and getting younger, on average, over time. As a rising cohort of highly unaffiliated Millennials reaches adulthood, the median age of unaffiliated adults has dropped to 36, down from 38 in 2007 and far lower than the general (adult) population’s median age of 46.  (Source)

 2.  Many grew up in religious homes.

Nearly one-in-five U.S. adults (18%) were raised in a religious faith and now identify with no religion.  While some young adults who are raised in a non-religious household have chosen to become religious, they are outnumbered by those fleeing their religious up-bringing (The ratio is 4:1.)  There is no magical way to ensure that your adult child will follow your faith as a parent, but here is a great book to read about this topic.

 3.  Their numbers are growing equally among whites, blacks, and Hispanics.

The non-religious are found among whites (24%), blacks (18%), and Hispanics (20%).

4.  They are growing among college graduates, and those without a college degree.

College is often seen as the enemy of faith, and the cause of emerging adults leaving the faith.  However, those claiming to be non-religious is growing among both groups.  “Nones” now claim 24% of college graduates and 22% of those with less than a college degree.  As I have stated in other places, college is not the main destructive cause of Millennials’ faith.

 5.  Labels don’t really stick.

hoto courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2013. www.aaronrobertphotography.com

It is hard to find a label that describes this group.  The article states, “In 2007, 25% of the ‘nones’ called themselves atheists or agnostics; 39% identified their religion as ‘nothing in particular’ and also said that religion is ‘not too’ or ‘not at all’ important in their lives; and 36% identified their religion as ‘nothing in particular.’’  Atheists believe that there is no God, while agnostics is often defined as those who believe that nothing is known or can be known about the existence of God.  Many ‘nones’ don’t identify as either maybe because they don’t know the terminology or because they refuse to be classified.

For those who have a passion for the church, the changing religious beliefs here in America causes a reaction within each of us.  Here are a few “knee-jerk” responses:

Millennials Suck.  Millennials are constantly blasted in the media and in our churches.  Some people may believe that Millennials are simply evil, and inherently irreligious.  However, I believe in Millennials, and I believe that generational bashing is destructive to the church.

The Youth Pastors of Millennials Suck.  I recently read an article which attributed the decline to some degree upon the lack of education among youth workers.  While, I acknowledge the men and women whom I pastored have left the church and I will take ownership.  It was not due to my lack of education.  Please resist the urge to once again throw the youth workers under the bus, haven’t they been through enough?

The Parents of Millennials Suck.  While parenting styles definitely affects the religious views of children, it is not the only factor.  The weight of guilt and grief that parents bear when their children walk away from the church can be overwhelming.

The Churches in America Suck.  If you are a conservative church, then you might be pointing the finger at liberal churches.  Difficulties give us the opportunity to either unite or fight each other; unfortunately, the church has often chosen to fight.

Christians can play the blame game.  We can point fingers and decide in our own mind who is to blame, only to go about our own lives as nothing has changed.  Or we can acknowledge the changes that are happening within our country, and become like the men of Issachar who “understood the times, and knew what they should do.”  (I Chron 12:32)

David Boyd 1 (1)EA Resources is committed to helping parents, institutions, and churches understand the times and discern how they can better minister to emerging adults. If I can serve your community, e-mail me at gdavid@earesources.org.

Getting them to 30 – A Book Review

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Getting to 30 by Jeffrey Arnett and Elizabeth Fishel is an excellent read on a parent’s changing roles during the emerging adult years. The book does a great job of balancing research, stories, and practical suggestions for parents of emerging adults.

In a world that often calls young adults lazy and narcissistic, I applaud the positive perspective of emerging adulthood. They state that both 20-somethings and their parents “generally see themselves as being at a good time of life, characterized by freedom, fun, and excitement, a time to focus on themselves and find out who they really are.” (Arnett and Fishel, xi)

The book gives practical ideas about how parents can learn the “essential art of staying connected while stepping back.” (Arnett and Fishel, x) Parents need to understand that some of the struggle in their relationship with their children is because that, “the maturation process is two headed – Parent and Child need to mature into new roles.” (Arnett and Fishel, 69)

This book does not come from a specific religious perspective, but I believe that Christians will find its information and advice helpful.  It is the best book that I have read on the topic of parenting an emerging adult.

When addressing faith, the book states, “The best way to persuade children of the value of your faith is to show the fruits of it in your life, including your capacity to forgive your sons and daughters for not believing what you believe.” (Arnett and Fishel, 240)  Allowing your children to have true autonomy includes their decisions about faith. For parents who have children who have left the church, this can be a painful process, here is an article that I hope will help you in your journey.

If you have other suggestions of books about parenting emerging adults, please leave a note below.

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources, a non-profit designed to equip parents and churches to minister to emerging adults.

I’m Gay – How to respond to your child.

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Some parents believe that the worst thing that their child could ever say to them are the words, “I’m Gay.” This article does a great job discussing the issue of SSA (Same-Sex Attraction), and helping parents gain a better perspective.

The actual title of this article is “Help, My kid is struggling.”  I changed it for this page only because I wanted to make the content of the piece more available for those looking for advice.

Here is the LINK!

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Matt and Laurie run a ministry called “Hole in My Heart” Ministries.  You can learn more about their story on their  website.

The tan-lines of the next generation…

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I saw this comic being passed around Facebook, and I thought that it was worth sharing.

https://www.facebook.com/thewadebowen/photos/a.94430680887.89018.17995575887/10152919317750888/?type=1&theater

I enjoyed the comic, but please note that it is really not the “next generation” who is struggling to put down their phones.

The pervasive use of portable technology affects all of us.

America’s Changing Religious Landscape – Are Christians in Denial?

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http://www.pewforum.org/files/2015/05/2015RLSpromo640x320.png

New research was released this week from the Pew Research Center confirming trends that we already knew were true.  In the last seven years, the percentage of adults (ages 18 and older) who describe themselves as Christians has dropped by nearly eight percent.

Millennials are leaving the church, and they are not alone as they exit.  The article states, “While the drop in Christian affiliation is particularly pronounced among young adults, it is occurring among Americans of all ages.”

Generational Replacement and the Rise of the Unaffiliated

http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2015/05/12/millennials-increasingly-are-driving-growth-of-nones/

 

Some people respond to these statistics with a shrug of shoulders, while others feel as if the sky is falling.  Rather than ignoring the problem, I believe that these statistics should cause Christians to act as the men of Issachar who, “understood the times and knew what Israel should” (1 Chronicles 12:32).

EA Resources is committed to providing resources to parents and churches working with emerging adults.  If you are passionate about seeing Millennials return to faith, and seeing churches equipped to change their community, join our team!

David Boyd 1 (1)Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.  If you would like to invite him to speak for your community, you can contact him at gdavid@earesources.org.

 

 

Why Authenticity Doesn’t Go Far Enough

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We shouldn’t seek authenticity because it is trendy, or because that is what Millennials apparently want.  The purpose of having authenticity is so that it will lead us to intimacy.

Here is the article that shows the relationship between authenticity and intimacy.

Here are my favorite quotes:

  • Authenticity is about clarity, and definition. Intimacy is about depth. 
  • Invest your true self, not your cyber self, in others.
  • The trend toward authenticity in our culture today is a good thing. It illuminates our refusal to settle for what is counterfeit or misleading.Jessica Boctor

Jessica Boctor is a tea-drinking loud introvert who resides in a Southern Californian cottage with her husband and their dog. She chronicles her adventures at www.phantomblonde.com.

If you want to read some of my work on authenticity, here are some articles.

Millennials and the Fuss over Authenticity

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Millennials value Authenticity. However, what does this really mean? People have asked me about what the Millennial’s meaning of authenticity, and how their perception is different than other generations.

There is a difference.

According to Karl Moore, in an article on Forbes called, “Authenticity:  The Way to the Millennial’s Heart”, he states that “We must better understand the postmodern worldview to effectively work with Millennials.”

I completely agree.

Photo courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2014. www.aaronrobertphotography.com

I believe that many problems faced by the institutional church are based on the inability of modernistic leadership to lead, communicate, or attract those with a postmodern worldview.  The gap between these two ways of viewing ourselves, our world, and our God have erupted into multiple problems for church unity, and the Kingdom of God.  Unfortunately, many Christians believe that the Christian faith can only exist within a modern mindset, and therefore those who speak about postmodernism are enemies of God.

However, God is neither Modern nor Postmodern.

The Christian faith can flourish within both the failings of modernity and the weaknesses of postmodernity.  I don’t have time to go into all these differences; however, let’s take a look at the concept of authenticity.

A Postmodern View of Authenticity

Modernity valued science and system.  Postmodernity reveals that science is limited, and systems are always lacking.

Modernity gave us answers as reason reigned on high.   Postmodernity gives us perspectives as diversity reigns.

Authenticity has always been marked by a consistency between declared beliefs and actions.  It is a personal resiliency in the face of changing environments. This aspect of the word remains the same.

The difference between the authenticity of a Millennial and those of other generations is often due to scope. Millennials understand their limited perspective, and are hesitant go beyond those borders.

Photo courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2014. www.aaronrobertphotography.com

Authenticity is limited to the essentials of firm personal beliefs rather than an array of causes and meanings that they are called upon to support from a church, a political party, or other clamoring institutions.  Those who call Millennials to adhere to set dogma will lose them. The louder the clamor, the faster they run.

It does not mean that they are against personal beliefs, but they are reluctant from having their beliefs be institutionalized.  Comprehensive theological systems are suspect, while individual freedom is applauded.  When the individual makes a commitment to an institution, they feel as if they have sold your personal perspective out. (Maybe this is why church membership is declining?  Source)

According to Moore, “Postmoderns want to be able to be themselves. They are not interested in playing “the game” their parents once did.” I am not a Millennial, but I remember growing up that our church used to condemn the playing of cards because they were a devise of the devil. It was part of the community’s dogma; however, our family always played with Euchre with cards.  When we attended church, we were sworn to secrecy. Millennials are not interested in this lifestyle; therefore, churches should only hold on to doctrine that is essential to their identity.

True authenticity doesn’t try to build a complete theological system, but acknowledges the gaps in their perspective.  It is not fearful of the holes in its worldview, and can be at rest with problems unresolved.

Millennials do not run from the truth.  I believe they are ruthless searchers for truth. They are not fearful of different perspectives. They value the input of others. They feel the stories of others enrich their lives rather than threaten them.

Authenticity is holding strictly to your individual beliefs rather than following an institution and adopting theological labels (such as premil/post-trib/Calvinist).

A call to authenticity often requires us to lead with the broken, the challenging, and the lacking in our lives. Not in order to find healing or fullness, but to acknowledge the humanity within each of us. It also requires us to support the perspective of others.

What do you think about authenticity?

 

david in hat - blackDr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.  He provides resources for parents, churches, and emerging adults.

 

Professor Threatens to Fail the Entire Class

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What is the state of higher education in our nation?

Recent news coming from our nation’s universities can be described as anything – but pretty.

What happens when those within the system attempt to stand up against a flood of negative student, staff, or institutional behavior?

Recently, a professor at Texas A&M Galveston wrote an e-mail to his strategic management students that they were a disgrace, that they lacked maturity — and that he would fail the entire class. Irwin Horwitz, a proProfessor fails classfessor in the university’s department of maritime administration, decided that he had to act.

“Enough was enough,” Horwitz said. “It became apparent that they couldn’t do just some of the most simple and basic things that they should’ve been able to do at that point.”

Here is the full article.

The professor stepped down from teaching the class, and the class will now be taught by the head of the department.  The institution gave a public statement saying that the students will not be failed as a class, but will be judged according to their own individual work.

This story should raise questions about the roles and rights of students and professors.  Academic institutions are not controlled by the pursuit of knowledge.  They are governed by the flow of money which unfortunately tips power in favor of the consumer (who are the current and potential future students).