The No. 1 Reason Teens Keeps the Faith as Young Adults

sessums-mother-daughter-679867-h[1]This article was just released by the Huffington Post, and I thought that it would be an encouragement for parents of children, teens, or emerging adults.

Click here for the ARTICLE.

The article is based on research by Christian Smith and the National Study for Youth and Religion.  My favorite quote in the article by Christian Smith,   “No other conceivable causal influence … comes remotely close to matching the influence of parents on the religious faith and practices of youth.  Parents just dominate.” 

So go read the article, and then go DOMINATE your kids by speaking, teaching, and living your faith within your home and your relationships with them.  

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.  If he can encourage the parents in your community, please contact him at gdavid@earesources.org.

 

 

 

Why the “Teen Section” in your church is NOT a sign of church health, but of sickness.

© 2010 Richard Masoner / Cyclelicious, Flickr | CC-BY-SA | via Wylio

Several years ago, I interviewed for a position in Ohio.  Whenever talking about their church’s vitality, they would always reference the “Teen Section” during worship services.  For those who have not heard the term, “Teen Section” is an area of the auditorium where all the adolescents sit together each week during services.  The search committee would discuss how large the section was.  They would discuss how faithful the section was.  They would discuss how active the section was during worship.

This was not the first time that I had heard a teen section is a sign of a healthy church, and I doubt that it will be the last.  During the interview, I held my tongue, but here is what I wanted to say:

Five Reasons Why Your “Teen Section” promotes sickness within your community.

1.  It trains adolescents to seek out and require “peer-driven” experiences.

Adolescents who are limited to a “Teen Section” experience of Christianity are going to struggle as they phase out of age-segregated programming.  I believe that one reason why so many emerging adults leave the church is because they graduated from youth group, and gave up trying to find the “post-teen” section.

2.  It teaches our community that teenagers are not a part of normal human society, but are a subset with strange interests, wild behaviors, and raging hormones.

It is good for adolescents to have their own space.  Due to their raging hormones and rebellious behavior, they are “other,” meaning not like us, and barely human.  It promotes low expectations among teenagers, and continues the myth that rebellion is a natural part of the adolescence experience.

3.  It separates parents from their children during corporate worship.

Worship with kidsWorship services are a time when my children can see what parents value, what parents believe, and what parents feel about faith.  Research by Sticky Faith reveals that only 12% percent of youth have a regular dialogue with their mom on faith or life issues.  This same research shows that only 5% have regular faith or life conversations with their dad.  (Sticky Faith, 71)  By establishing and promoting a “teen section,” we have ceased to support the spiritual development that happens within the familial context.

4.  It isolates adolescents from the body of Christ, leaving the community weak and sickly.

It is not simply that Emerging Adults need us, but the church must realize that we need them.  I have never heard someone say, “Wow, our church is so healthy.  You should see our retirement section! Their section is so vibrant and they love being with each other.”  Seriously, think about it.  We would not say it about other parts of the body of Christ; therefore, we should not say it about adolescents.  The body of Christ is at peak strength when we do not see another’s faults, money, race, status, or age, but serve hand in hand without discrimination. 

5.  It perpetuates the myth that “peer-driven” relationships and age-segregated programming are crucial to spiritual development.

While I do desire that my children develop friendships with peers, I also want them to have an entire network of people at various life stages who will encourage them in their faith.  While popular in our society, age-segregation is not Biblical or healthy.  By not speaking up for the unity of the body of Christ, we continue to promote segregation and ageism within the church.

As we consider the “teen-section,” each church must ask what values, ideals, and practices should be developed within its community.

As Christians, we often promote the “Teen Section” as a sign of life because we as the church feel beaten up in this life.  The world is winning the war for our kids.  We are losing.  Pointing out the “Teen Section” gives us hope for the future of the church, and makes us feel better.

We must remember it is His church, and the gates of hell will not prevail against it.

Let us work for new signs of life in our communities.  Lives being changed.  Hope being found.  Acceptance being granted.  Care being received.  Love being spread.  The Kingdom being restored.

 

David Boyd 1 (1)Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.  You can follow his publications on Twitter at  @G_David_Boyd as he writes on Manhood, Emerging Adults, Faith, and the church.  He is the proud father of three children – Josiah, Andrew, and Tobi.

 

Resources Referenced:

Sticky Faith by Kara Powell and Chap Clark

 

The Myth of the Four-Year College Degree

I recently came across this article, and wanted to share it with my readers.

According to the Department of Education, fewer than 40% of students who enter college each year graduate within four years, while almost 60% of students graduate in six years. At public schools, less than a third of students graduate on time. (Time Magazine)

college piggy bank

© 2012 Tax Credits, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

There are many reasons why it takes students longer to get through college.  Here are just a few:

  • Trouble getting into a specific program.
  • Finances
  • Trouble getting into prerequisite classes.
  • Illness of the student or family member.
  • Lack of Motivation to leave.
  • Change their major (one or more times).
  • Unable to determine a course of study.

The longer it takes to get a degree usually affects the amount of expenses that a student will accrue, and delays their entry into the workforce.

However as Christians, it is important to remember that each person’s journey is unique and directed by our loving God.  So whether you are a parent or emerging adult, don’t allow the four-year myth to discourage you in your journey.

Take each step by faith.  

David Boyd 1 (1)Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Director of EA Resources.  He has a passion to encourage emerging adults and their parents.  If you are interested in having him speak to your community, email him at gdavid@earesources.org.

 

 

College Affordability – Back in my day, I paid for college by working hard

“Back in my day, I paid for my college by working hard all summer.”

It is hard for most students to image a time where you could cover your tuition expenses by working a summer job.  When I was going through school in the mid-nineties, I remember working each summer just hoping that I would make enough money to cover my school supplies, books, and spending money to get me through the year.

This chart shows us:

1.  The minimum wage has not kept up with the inflation rate of education.  Most students work entry-level jobs during the summer that make minimum wage.  Here is a chart that displays the percentage of inflation just from recent years (2003-2013, Source)

(Bureau of Labor Statistics)

2. We need to guide emerging adults to set goals for your summer employment that are reachable, concrete, and encouraging.  For example, “My goal for this year is to cover my books, and spending money for the year.”  The gap between their wages and debt demotivates them to get a summer job.  When you know that you are not going to make enough to make a difference in your fall loan balance, it can be discouraging.

3.  Provides an understanding of the financial obstacles that cause emerging adults to drop out of college.  While more people are attending college each year, more are not able to finish – often due to financial reasons.  The inflation rate of education is only one of the financial difficulties that emerging adults face after they leave high school.  I believe that it is essential for the church to understand the obstacles they face if we are to make them feel welcome in our churches.
David Boyd 1 (1) Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources, who after writing this blog entry just texted a thank you note to his father for helping him make it through college.

McDonalds faces ‘Millennial’ Problem

I am a pretty big fan of McDonalds.  I was actually there early this morning.  Sitting at a hightop table working on my computer while sipping my large sweet tea and making good use of their free wifi.

So I am sad to hear the news that McDonalds sales are slumping due to the majority of Millennials who prefer other restaurants (however, I won’t be losing any sleep over it).  Here is the article.  McDonalds must make changes and shift with the changing culture if it wants to stay at the top of the industry.

While it is not important to me whether or not Millennials are going to McDonalds, it does bother me to know that so many emerging adults are leaving the Church behind.  I believe that a spiritual community is foundation for a follower of Christ.

This week, I am consulting with a church in Austin, MN.  This church has a desire to reach the Millennials in their town, and I look forward to how God is going to speak to us.

If your church is interested in reaching the Millennials in your community but doesn’t know where to begin, please let me know.  I would love the opportunity to come alongside your group as we seek to reach a new generation.

david in hat - blackDr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.  If you are interested in having him speak to your community about Millennals, and how your church can build a ministry to emerging adults, you can contact him at gdavid@earesources.org.

 

From Boy to Man – Part Two – A Response to Albert Mohler

In part one of my response, I highlighted a few issues with Albert Mohler’s descriptions of manhood including his limitation of manhood to those who are married and have children.  In this second post, I will continue to examine his 13 points of maturity by responding to points 7-13.

7.  Ethical maturity sufficient to make responsible decisions.

Mohler says, “A real man knows how to make a decision and live with its consequences–even if that means that he must later acknowledge that he has learned by making a bad decision, and then by making the appropriate correction.”  There is a huge need in our society to teach our children autonomy.  Autonomy is the ability to make decisions and live with the consequences, and it is essential to being a man.

 8.  Worldview maturity sufficient to understand what is really important.

Mohler states, “He must learn how to defend biblical truth before his peers and in the public square, and he must acquire the ability to extend Christian thinking, based on biblical principles, to every arena of life.”  He clearly stresses the importance of intellectual apologetics which is based upon a Modern Worldview.  I do believe that men should acquire the ability to think theologically about many issues and how to apply them to their lives.  However, his use of the words “defense” and “public square” seems more like a call to conservative politics.

 9.  Relational maturity sufficient to understand and respect others.

Mohler states, “By nature, many boys are inwardly directed. While girls learn how to read emotional signals and connect, many boys lack the capacity to do so, and seemingly fail to understand the absence of these skills.”  I am not sure what “inwardly directed,” means, and I would like to see some support for this statement.  While I agree that males and females are different biologically and sometimes express different qualities, gender-based stereotypes and assumptions are not helpful for building up the body of Christ.

Both men and women can develop their Emotional Intelligence.  A strong sense of identity can equip you to understand and respect others without feeling threatened by them.

 10.  Social maturity sufficient to make a contribution to society.

Mohler states, “God has created human beings as social creatures, and even though our ultimate citizenship is in heaven, we must also fulfill our citizenship on earth.”  God did make us as social creatures, and the third developmental task of adulthood is for the emerging adult to establish a community.  Adults are not called to be independent, but interdependent.

 11.  Verbal maturity sufficient to communicate and articulate as a man.

Man praying“Here’s a striking phenomenon of our times–many adolescent boys and young men seem to communicate only through a series of guttural clicks, grunts, and inchoate language that can hardly be described as verbal.”  I am not sure what phenomenon Mohler is talking about.  While communication has changed through the years, I am not sure what he is referring too.  Many adolescents and young men are capable of speaking clearly when someone is actually listening.  I feel as if it is an age-based derogatory comment.

Mohler also adds that “Beyond the context of conversation, a boy must learn how to speak before larger groups, overcoming the natural intimidation and fear that comes from looking at a crowd, opening one’s mouth, and projecting words.”   I am not sure why public speaking is a requirement for manhood.  The check list is becoming longer and longer as I read it.  I am still hoping to qualify, but meeting his standards is overwhelming.

 12.  Character maturity sufficient to demonstrate courage under fire.

“Parents should give close attention to their sons’ character, for if character is corrupt, nothing else will really matter.”  Character does matter, and I hope that my children will have the courage to stand up for what they value.  I don’t believe however that character is most evident in the spotlight (or on the battlefield).  I believe that it is most revealed in the quiet decisions made when no one else is looking.

 13.  Biblical maturity sufficient to lead at some level in the church.

businessman Mohler states, “While God has appointed specific officers for his church–men who are specially gifted and publicly called–every man should fulfill some leadership responsibility within the life of the congregation.”  I don’t find that every man has the spiritual gift of leadership, nor is every man called to lead within the church by nature of their gender.  I do believe that God does call us to community as the Church, and I would encourage men to find a way to serve within the body rather than assuming that you are required to lead.

Mohler ends by stating, “Dads, you are absolutely crucial to the process of man-making. No one else can fulfill your responsibility, and no one else can match your opportunity for influence with your son.”  It is important to call men to fulfill their role as a father.

However, what do you say to the man who must find his way because his dad left him?  What do you say to the single mother who is struggling just to make it?  What do you say to the young man whose father passed away from cancer?

What hope do you leave these children?  What encouragement do you leave these mothers?  His statement is bleak.

While I believe in the power that fathers have on their children, I also believe that the body of Christ is big enough to adopt those who are fatherless, to care for the widows, and to guide young men into maturity who had no role models.

resolution list - CopyMohler has recreated  Proverbs 31 – Man’s Edition, a laundry checklist of values and performance-driven requirements that every man is doomed to fail due to our humanity.  Many men need empowered rather than beat over the head by their failures.

May God free you from your feelings of inadequacy?

May you step forward in confidence as who God has created and designed you to be.  Know that God’s grace and mercy can lead you in the midst of your failures to become the man He has called you to be.

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.

From Boy to Man – A Response to Albert Mohler

What makes a man?  The answer to this question is what drove me to start EA Resources.  The answer to this question is the foundation of MTAB.  Manhood is more than a beard.  Manhood is more than driving a truck, owning a firearm, watching Monday night football, having a wife, or producing babies.

It is not simply a question asked by the prepubescent boy, but by males at a variety of ages.

I recently came across an attempt to answer that question by Albert Mohler.  Dr. Mohler is the President of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary.  Dr. Mohler attempts to answer the question “When does a boy become a man?” on his blog.  I want to respond to the answer that he gave, and share why his answer are lacking at best, and at other times – hurtful.
Dr. Mohler and I agree that this topic addresses one of the most important issues that Christians face in today’s society.  I also agree that as Christians we should form our responses from a Biblical perspective.

However, I disagree with the author at various points.  (He gives 13 areas of maturity that men must attain – whose alliteration reminds me of sermons from the 80’s, and had too many points to make anything stick).

The main points are from the article, and I will respond briefly to each.

1.  Spiritual maturity sufficient to lead a wife and children.

While I clearly believe in the spiritual maturity of men, I do not believe that spiritual maturity is a mark of manhood.  If you subscribe that spirituality is required for manhood, then it follows that all non-Christians are not men.  (While spirituality is an aspect of human development, this is an example of over-spiritualizing human development.)  While we desire for all men to be spiritually mature, there are men who are spiritually mature and spiritually immature.  (For developmental markers of adulthood, please read my post).

There is a bigger problem with Mohler’s comment.  Dr. Mohler seems to require that men have a wife and children.  If this is not true, he could have replaced the words with “others.”  His definition of manhood is available only to Christians who are married, and been blessed with children.  I know many men who either by choice or circumstances are single or without children.  What message does this send to these men?

2.  Personal maturity sufficient to be a responsible husband and father.

Once again, Mohler adds the requirement of being a husband and father.   Mohler says, “In the Bible, a man is called to fulfill his role as husband and father. Unless granted the gift of celibacy for gospel service, the Christian boy is to aim for marriage and fatherhood. This is assuredly a counter-cultural assertion, but the role of husband and father is central to manhood.”

If being a father is central to being a man, I am surprised at how little instruction is given in the Bible concerning being a father.   The Bible is more filled with the story of Jesus, and how he came to redeem us and thereby calling us to bring redemption to the world.

I am surprised that the one we are called to emulate – Jesus – was neither a husband nor father.  Humans can hold to many roles including:  husband, father, brother, neighbor, uncle, friend, teacher, worker, and leader.  Responsibility can be revealed through any of these roles in life.

3.  Economic maturity sufficient to hold an adult job and handle money.

medium_6736161971I agree with Mohler when he says, “A boy must be taught how to work, how to save, to invest, and to spend money with care. He must be taught to respect labor, and to feel the satisfaction that comes from a job well done, and a dollar honestly earned.”  I believe that one of the three developmental tasks of adulthood is vocation.  There is a lot of wrong teaching about what vocation is within the church.  Vocation can be defined as how “God has chosen to work through human beings who, in their different capacities and according to their different talents, serve each other.” (Veith, 2002)

I also believe that our manhood should not be linked with “hold[ing] an adult job” (whatever that expression means).  I feel as if this expression rules out jobs held by hard workers in entry-level positions due to the inaccessibility of education.  It is important for a man to provide for his family (I Timothy 5, 2 Thessalonians 3), and to work.  I have seen some friends whose manhood never shined brighter than when they were in a period of unemployment or under-employment.  It is important to know that our approval before God is not dependent on whether or not we currently have a job.

4.  Physical maturity sufficient to work and protect a family.

Like all other points, this one requires all males to be married and have children.  However, he also attempts to link physical maturity with protecting a family.  I am thankful that he acknowledges that some males due to injury or illness are exempt from his standard – however the standard is still flawed.

Is physical might the only means by which a man might protect his family?  I don’t feel as if calling 9-1-1 is less manly than pulling out a gun, chasing down an intruder.  I feel as if Mohler wants to say that all real men own a gun, but doesn’t go quite that far (for which I am thankful).  While I have no trouble with men who own guns or built a pair of guns at the gym, I don’t think that either is required for manhood.

5.  Sexual maturity sufficient to marry and fulfill God’s purposes.

As puberty rates decline and marriage rates escalate, the time between a male’s sexual maturity and the moment at which they enter marriage expands.  During this time, we must help boys as they wrestle with sexual desires and question their sexual identity.  I appreciate Mohler’s desire to call both boys and men to purity.

6.  Moral maturity sufficient to lead as an example of righteousness.

Group of men - church“Stereotypical behavior on the part of young males is, in the main, marked by recklessness, irresponsibility, and worse.”  Unfortunately, society often establishes negative stereotypes for young men.  As the church, we need to change the metanarrative (or the descriptive story) of adolescence and young adulthood.  If we continue to characterize youth as a time of reckless wandering from God, then young men will continue to meet those expectations.

“Biblical manhood does not develop in a vacuum.”  Mohler is correct that manhood does not happen in theory, but in the context of our lives.  Overall, I would like to see him acknowledge that manhood can be fully achieved without having a wife and children.  The church must stop making singles and childless couples feel like second-class citizens.

The piece overall speaks not about moving from adolescence into adulthood, but characteristics he wants Christian men to exhibit.  Therefore, he leaves his original question unanswered, and leaves young men trying to complete a laundry list of ideals in order to grasp their identity.

For my perspective of moving from adolescence into adulthood, please go here.

References:  Veith, Gene.  God at Work.  2002

(Here is my continued critique of Mohler’s points.)

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.

Vocation: Discerning Your Calling

Vocation: Discerning Your CallingI found this great article written by Dr. Tim Keller on defining vocation, and wanted to share it with my readers.  In 1989 Dr. Timothy J. Keller, his wife and three young sons moved to New York City to begin Redeemer Presbyterian Church.

I believe that Vocation is one the three developmental tasks of emerging adulthood.  It is crucial that emerging adults and their parents have a proper Christian perspective of what vocation does AND DOES NOT mean.

My Highlight

“Your vocation is a part of God’s work in the world, and God gives you resources for serving the human community.”

 

Asking the Guy on the White Horse to Go Away.

rachel by water

Photo courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2014. www.aaronrobertphotography.com

This is an interview that I conducted with a friend who after waiting years for Prince Charming to propose, decided that he was not worth the wait.  Please share with those who might be going through the same situation.  I pray that her words will heal your heart.    

This relationship was different.  I kept thinking that he really was the one.  Along the way, I misread or ignored some signs that might have kept me from heartache.

We met at church, so I assumed God’s approval.

As the years passed (Yes, years!), most of our friends were moving ahead to engagement, marriage, and even children.  While we were just…stalled.

At first, he was the only one who was allowed to bring up the topic of long-term commitment.  He would tell me that he was going to marry me, and even talk about having children; however, there was always a but.

But I need to finish school…But I need to get a job…  But I need to get established in this job…  But I need to move… but I, but I.

The reasons never included me – or even us.  There was never an opportunity for me to speak into it.  It seems as if our relationship had almost nothing to do about what I wanted.

As the months turned into years, I became angry, and felt unloved.  I was constantly walking on eggshells when discussing our relationship.  He held all the power, and I wasn’t allowed to bring it up.  Whenever I expressed my frustration, he would say, “If you break up with me, I am not taking you back.”

There were times when I found courage to leave only to be slowly drawn back.  He needed comfort, security, and companionship, and used me to get it.  I liked being needed, so I gave in – without considering the fact that I needed something too.

I dreamt my whole life of getting a ring, so how could I leave when I was so close?  In the end, I am actually glad he didn’t give me a ring.  The ring would have just sucked me into another dream where I believed that our love was real.

In the end, I cut myself off completely from him and our social groups.  I wrestled with God in long, tear-filled prayers.  However, I know that breaking up with him saved me a lifetime of wondering whether he really loved me or not.

In this journey, I realized how much I undervalued myself.  I believed that I wasn’t worthy of his love, or anyone else’s.  I convinced myself to just be content with what I was getting.  I believed that his love was the best that I could get.  I was captured by a fear that if I lost him, then I would never have another chance at finding love.

I became so worried about losing him, that I lost myself.

This long and painful road has definitely increased my faith.  It has opened my eyes to the worth that I do possess.

How Long is Too Long? Waiting for Prince Charming to Pop the Question.

rachel by water

Photo Courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2013. www.aaronrobertphotography.com

He rode into your life on a white horse.  He swept you off your feet, and stole your heart.  You sensed God’s leading and blessing in this fairy-tale love story.  But that was months ago, years ago, and nothing has progressed.  While you have talked many times about long-term commitment, he has yet to “Put a Ring on it.” Continue reading