Young Need Not Apply.

businessmanAs a youth pastor for 12 years, I participated in many closed-door meetings (with men mostly 15 or more years older than me).  During these meetings, I was expected to speak for millennials (who are 15 years younger than me).  It is a difficult spot to be in – I would say an impossible spot.  How am I supposed to speak for a new generation?  Don’t get me wrong.  I have studied the research.  I spend time with EAs (emerging adults).  I have a pretty good understanding of who they are (even though that is really not possible).  I could speak for them, but why?

Are there not EAs who can speak for themselves?

Are there not EAs who understand their world better than me?

Are there not EAs who know how to reach their peers better than me?

Are there not EAs who would jump at the opportunity to share their voice?

Are there not EAs leaving established churches because of obstacles that keep them from what God created them to do?

So I ask again,

Are there not EA’s who can speak for themselves?

Why is it that so many churches rely on others to speak for EAs, instead of having them in the room?  There is a very real, but unwritten requirement for leading within many churches – AGE.  You have to be old.  I have worked with many churches where the 40-year-old is considered the “youngster” on the team.

This is a problem.

girl-woman-hair-1276336-l[1]Many EA’s I interviewed who grew up at my church were convinced that as young adults, they were not capable of leading people who were older.  I asked them why they believed this (because they didn’t learn it from me).  Many had little reasoning other than younger people didn’t know enough, or that those who were older wouldn’t listen.

Is age a requirement for leading in the church?  Did God ever use the young to lead?  Does God require that you be a certain age before you are able to speak out?  Is wisdom age-dependent?

Where did the practice of restricting younger adults from leadership begin?  It didn’t start with Jesus.

If age limitations are assumed within your leadership structure, then it you should state it.  Put a sign out that says, “Young Need not Apply.”  I mean it.  If you state it, you should be able to defend it.  If you can’t defend it, then why believe it.  If you don’t believe it, then stop upholding it.

Welcoming EAs into leadership will take work because many EAs feel as if…

Young Need Not Apply.

 

The Loss of Rites of Passage in Western Society. Will they be missed?

Adulthood Ahead SignAdolescents and Emerging adults need to know what is expected of them as they approach adulthood.  They are constantly asking themselves and others, “Are we there yet?”  Just as mile markers along the interstate can monitor your progression towards your destination, so can rites of passage encourage emerging adults by confirming that they are going the right way.

Unfortunately, many of our culture’s rites of passage have been lost or outdated in our fast-paced, changing society.  There is a desperate need for rites of passage to be reinvented and reintroduced within Western culture.  Ronald Grimes declares the current lack of rites of passage to be an urgent global problem:  “The absence of rites of passage leads to a serious breakdown in the process of maturing as a person” (Grimes).  Ronald Grimes, Professor of Religion and Culture at Wilfrid Laurier University says that transitions between life stages, “can be negotiated without the benefit of rites, but in their absence, there is a greater risk of speeding through the dangerous intersections of the human life course.”  As adolescents take steps towards maturity, their steps need to be noticed and celebrated by the community around them.

Rites of passage show the pathway towards adulthood, and can serve as motivators towards adulthood.

Many adolescents are motivated by milestones that require defined work (for example, obtaining a driver’s license or graduating from high school).  Few adolescents complain about practicing driving, or memorizing traffic laws because they know that they will soon receive the legal right to drive and the freedom that comes with it.  Emerging adults need to have definable achievements and freedoms before them that will motivate them to push forward.

While some rites of passage are earned, others happen naturally (the beginning of puberty, or reaching legal drinking age).  These “natural” rites of passages within our society have been minimized, or celebrated in unhealthy ways.    Without adults taking the initiative in these areas, rites of passage have been left to be developed by those experiencing them.  Grimes says, “Initiation in Western society often takes this postmodern, peer-driven form—adolescents initiating adolescents, sometimes compulsively, unconsciously, and violently” (Grimes).  I believe that this problem is illustrated in the movie 21 and Over.  As a young man approaches his 21 birthday, his friends believe it is their moral obligation to give him the experience that our culture requires – one filled with inappropriate and destructive behavior.

Rites of passage signal changes within the life of the adolescent to their community.

“Experiencing a rite of passage allows young people to let go of childlike behavior and to begin taking on adult responsibilities and their accompanying consequences” (Moore).  Rites of passage signal to the individual and the community that they have changed, and are ready for autonomy and responsibility.  The community needs to be aware because their expectations on the individual changes, as well as their role within that community.

HandsRites of passage should be celebrated within a community.

Rites of passage are not important solely for the sake of the individual, but are beneficial to all involved.   I have personally been blessed by playing a role in the rites of passage for individuals.  It is an affirmation to all invited of your impact on the life of the individual.

There is a need for our families and faith communities to reintroduce rites of passage into today’s culture.  What way have you or someone you know used rites of passage with their family?  What way has your church used rites of passage with the community?

Resources

Grimes, Ronald.  Deeply into the Bone.

Moore, Walker.  Rite of passage parenting:  Four essential experiences to equip

your kids for life.

 

An Apology from the Millenials

The blame game and name calling continues.  Everywhere you turn in the media, you find a major news source either yelling at the “Millenials.”  Time recently put an article on their front page calling them the ME ME ME Generation (future review to come).

They are spoiled, entitled, lazy, and simply a detriment to all of society.  This is why they have issued a public apology to all of us, but particularly to the great “baby boomers.”  (Partially because no one even gives a rip about Generation X – of which I am supposed to be apart).

I believe that this video does a good job at poking fun at both generations, and shows how ridiculous this pattern of blaming other generations has become.  It is hurtful to families, society, and churches.

We suck and we are sorryPlease check it out by clicking on the link below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4IjTUxZORE&feature=share

Response to…Why Generation Y Yuppies are Unhappy.

I was alerted to a recent post entitled “Why Generation Y Yuppies are Unhappy.”  As soon as I started to read, I was disappointed on several measures, but before I proceed, let’s try to confirm a few things.

First of all, I would like to attempt to make a few businessman in the citydistinctions about who the writer is describing.  The author defines Generation Y as those who are between the ages of 23 and 34.  This generation is also called Millienials (a term that I prefer, but only time will tell which term will stick).  The author then narrows the audience to Yuppies, but fails to define the term.  Yuppies is not a technical term, but generally refers to  “a young college-educated adult who is employed in a well-paying profession and who lives and works in or near a large city.”

The author states that a “large portion” of 23 through 34 year olds fit this description.    Validating such a statement would be impossible, but it is simply not accurate.  For the percentage of this age demographic that:  are college-educated, well-paying professionals, and near or in a large city would not be the “large portion” that the author claims.

The author then gives “yuppies” of Generation Y another nickname – Gypsy – which is defined as one who “thinks that they are the main character of a very special story.”  Nicknames are always beneficial for the building up of any society and community.  I am so glad the author seeks to establish a new one (I hope you note my extreme sarcasm).

As Christians, I believe it is important to look briefly at the definition of Happiness, which is stated as:

Happiness = Reality – Expectations

There definitely is some truth to the concept that our expectations  in life affect our emotional well-being.  However, this simplified and secular view, while useful to the author’s point is lacking in many ways.  Even for those who are not believers, the sole source of Generation Y’s happiness is not based on their career and affluence.

The author states that three “facts” about Yuppies.  Since when did these points become facts?  This article is clearly lacking academic integrity.  If you are making general statements about these Gypsys (which is only generally defined), then don’t claim that they be factual knowledge.  We allow you to make observations, but not lay claim to facts.

1.  They are Wildly Ambitious.

Looking for more than the success of their parents, Generation Yer’s want a fulfilling career.  They want their work to have deeper meaning than making money.  There is nothing wrong with this desire, and in fact money should not be the primary purpose of our work while here on earth.

The problem is that there is a clear gap between their expectations and reality.  This gap is real, and has impacted their emotional health.  However, we must acknowledge that this gap is due to many factors and changes  within our society, and not solely based on their unreal expectations.

Generation Y has received the message that they are special from parents, friends, churches, and other aspects of society.  This message is a cause of their disappointment, and is not able to stand under Biblical scrutiny.  While God created us each unique, this uniqueness does not guarantee career and financial prosperity.  I feel this needs revised for the next generation.

2.  They are Delusional.

At this point in the article, you realize that this article was written simply to cause conflict and bring hits and more advertising to their website.  The use of this term is unfair, unkind, and purposefully demeaning (I haven’t even mentioned the artwork.)

girl-woman-hair-1276336-l[1]To cast such a label on Generation Y is completely unhelpful to society.  Read the responses following the article.  Name calling, nicknaming, and blaming other generations only leads to further division within our homes, our churches, and our society.

The point the author was trying to make (which is almost a repetition of the first) is lost amidst the desire to stir up controversy.  The point that I agree with is that, Emerging Adults struggle with unrealistic expectations of what lies ahead following high school graduation.  As a society, we should be seeking to help them manage their expectations rather than call names.  Let us not set an example of blaming and name-calling, but of serving, encouraging and loving others.

3. They are Taunted.

The development of Facebook other on-line communities definitely impacts the emotional health of all humans.  The authors state that they are taunted by the images of their peers having more than they do.  I would call it “Facebook Envy.”  As you scroll through the web, it can cause a person to feel unfulfilled while others appear happy.  Instead of keeping up simply with the Jones, you are forced to keep up with everyone within your on-line community.

There is a real danger with comparing yourself with others.  2 Corinthians 10:12 says, “We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.”

However this point is true regardless of age, and should not be linked only with Generation Y.

As for the advice, let us all be Ambitious not for the sake of career or financial stability, but for the sake of Bringing Christ into the Darkness wherever we go.  Know that you are special in the eyes of God for you are crafted for the purpose He has for you.  Learning to quit comparing yourself to others is wise, biblical, and useful for anyone regardless of age.

More importantly, we need to build bridges between the generations rather than destroying them.

Making demeaning generalizations about another generation only leads to widening the gap between us.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Connecting Church – Book Review

Connecting churchHave you ever tried attending a small group, only to find it didn’t provide the Community that you longed for?

The one act in the Creation record that is not labeled as good is that man was alone.  God created us to have community with Him and one another.  According to Frazee, “People need to be involved in meaningful and constant community or they will continue on indefinitely in a state of intense loneliness.”  (Frazee)

Frazee points out that America’s obsession with independence often keeps them from seeking the community that the need.  It is essential for the individual to be able to develop a community in order sustain healthy adulthood.  Frazee says, “I would suggest that one of the major obstacles to community is America is that we don’t need each other anymore.  We are independent people. …  Sadly, when a person becomes independent of others, they get the loneliness and isolation that accompany it as well.”  (Frazee)

Here a few of Frazee points that I believe are worth noting.

Beyond Small Group Ministry

Many churches advertise that people will find community in a small group, but they might as well be selling snake oil.  Hopeful of finding authentic community, many people leave a small-group feeling disillusioned and frustrated.  The purpose of small groups is not small groups.  The purpose is to achieve, “The development of meaningful relationships where every member carries a significant sense of belonging [which] is central to what it means to be the church.  (Frazee)  We must remember that our goal is authentic community, and I believe Frazee’s book gives great direction to individuals and churches to reach that goal.

Simplify Church

Frazee is not a fan of complex, program-driven churches.  “This will require that the church not develop competing activities or functions at the church but rather allow the small group members to simplify their church lives by means of this one group.” (Frazee)  One reason is because they are not looking for more activities, EA are looking for people to share the simple pleasure of life – eating, playing, and talking.  They will not have time to do life together if they are always running to support church functions.

Breaking Down Walls between the Generationsintergenerational

My favorite points by Frazee is his desire to see multi-generational relationships within the church.  He says, “Many church leaders still believe that the most effective grouping of people is centered around the sharing of a common life-stage experience.”  (Frazee) I am glad that this mindset is beginning to be questioned, and in some brave churches it is being destroyed.  He goes on to state, “The life-stage mind-set is so ingrained that it has a powerful effect both on the youngest members of our community as well as the oldest.  As our children grow up, many are not comfortable in relating to people of other ages.”   (Frazee)

Could their inability to relate to other age groups be a reason why some leave the church?

I thoroughly enjoyed reading Frazee’s book because it reminded me of my own longings of authentic community- an ever-changing game of catch and release.

 

Causes of Delayed Development (Part 2)

The delayed development of adolescents will a major impact upon the future of the United States.  Many researchers are proposing causes of this issue.  In Part 1, I examined the delay of marriage and parenting, educational patterns, and the isolation of adolescents from adults as possible causes of delayed development.  In Part 2, I will be looking at three other probable causes of the delayed development of adolescents. Continue reading

Causes of Delayed Development (Part 1)

There are many reasons that adolescents mature at different rates.  Some of these are within their control, while others are not.  The delayed development of adolescents is not simply due to a lack of effort among this generation.  Changes within our society have greatly influenced who they are, and what they will become.  In these posts, I want to give an overview of possible causes for the delayed development of adolescents including:  economic changes, parenting style, delay of marriage and parenting, changes in educational patterns, isolation from adults, and adolescent perceptions of adulthood.  Continue reading