Category Archives: For Churches

From Boy to Man – Part Two – A Response to Albert Mohler

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In part one of my response, I highlighted a few issues with Albert Mohler’s descriptions of manhood including his limitation of manhood to those who are married and have children.  In this second post, I will continue to examine his 13 points of maturity by responding to points 7-13.

7.  Ethical maturity sufficient to make responsible decisions.

Mohler says, “A real man knows how to make a decision and live with its consequences–even if that means that he must later acknowledge that he has learned by making a bad decision, and then by making the appropriate correction.”  There is a huge need in our society to teach our children autonomy.  Autonomy is the ability to make decisions and live with the consequences, and it is essential to being a man.

 8.  Worldview maturity sufficient to understand what is really important.

Mohler states, “He must learn how to defend biblical truth before his peers and in the public square, and he must acquire the ability to extend Christian thinking, based on biblical principles, to every arena of life.”  He clearly stresses the importance of intellectual apologetics which is based upon a Modern Worldview.  I do believe that men should acquire the ability to think theologically about many issues and how to apply them to their lives.  However, his use of the words “defense” and “public square” seems more like a call to conservative politics.

 9.  Relational maturity sufficient to understand and respect others.

Mohler states, “By nature, many boys are inwardly directed. While girls learn how to read emotional signals and connect, many boys lack the capacity to do so, and seemingly fail to understand the absence of these skills.”  I am not sure what “inwardly directed,” means, and I would like to see some support for this statement.  While I agree that males and females are different biologically and sometimes express different qualities, gender-based stereotypes and assumptions are not helpful for building up the body of Christ.

Both men and women can develop their Emotional Intelligence.  A strong sense of identity can equip you to understand and respect others without feeling threatened by them.

 10.  Social maturity sufficient to make a contribution to society.

Mohler states, “God has created human beings as social creatures, and even though our ultimate citizenship is in heaven, we must also fulfill our citizenship on earth.”  God did make us as social creatures, and the third developmental task of adulthood is for the emerging adult to establish a community.  Adults are not called to be independent, but interdependent.

 11.  Verbal maturity sufficient to communicate and articulate as a man.

Man praying“Here’s a striking phenomenon of our times–many adolescent boys and young men seem to communicate only through a series of guttural clicks, grunts, and inchoate language that can hardly be described as verbal.”  I am not sure what phenomenon Mohler is talking about.  While communication has changed through the years, I am not sure what he is referring too.  Many adolescents and young men are capable of speaking clearly when someone is actually listening.  I feel as if it is an age-based derogatory comment.

Mohler also adds that “Beyond the context of conversation, a boy must learn how to speak before larger groups, overcoming the natural intimidation and fear that comes from looking at a crowd, opening one’s mouth, and projecting words.”   I am not sure why public speaking is a requirement for manhood.  The check list is becoming longer and longer as I read it.  I am still hoping to qualify, but meeting his standards is overwhelming.

 12.  Character maturity sufficient to demonstrate courage under fire.

“Parents should give close attention to their sons’ character, for if character is corrupt, nothing else will really matter.”  Character does matter, and I hope that my children will have the courage to stand up for what they value.  I don’t believe however that character is most evident in the spotlight (or on the battlefield).  I believe that it is most revealed in the quiet decisions made when no one else is looking.

 13.  Biblical maturity sufficient to lead at some level in the church.

businessman Mohler states, “While God has appointed specific officers for his church–men who are specially gifted and publicly called–every man should fulfill some leadership responsibility within the life of the congregation.”  I don’t find that every man has the spiritual gift of leadership, nor is every man called to lead within the church by nature of their gender.  I do believe that God does call us to community as the Church, and I would encourage men to find a way to serve within the body rather than assuming that you are required to lead.

Mohler ends by stating, “Dads, you are absolutely crucial to the process of man-making. No one else can fulfill your responsibility, and no one else can match your opportunity for influence with your son.”  It is important to call men to fulfill their role as a father.

However, what do you say to the man who must find his way because his dad left him?  What do you say to the single mother who is struggling just to make it?  What do you say to the young man whose father passed away from cancer?

What hope do you leave these children?  What encouragement do you leave these mothers?  His statement is bleak.

While I believe in the power that fathers have on their children, I also believe that the body of Christ is big enough to adopt those who are fatherless, to care for the widows, and to guide young men into maturity who had no role models.

resolution list - CopyMohler has recreated  Proverbs 31 – Man’s Edition, a laundry checklist of values and performance-driven requirements that every man is doomed to fail due to our humanity.  Many men need empowered rather than beat over the head by their failures.

May God free you from your feelings of inadequacy?

May you step forward in confidence as who God has created and designed you to be.  Know that God’s grace and mercy can lead you in the midst of your failures to become the man He has called you to be.

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.

From Boy to Man – A Response to Albert Mohler

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What makes a man?  The answer to this question is what drove me to start EA Resources.  The answer to this question is the foundation of MTAB.  Manhood is more than a beard.  Manhood is more than driving a truck, owning a firearm, watching Monday night football, having a wife, or producing babies.

It is not simply a question asked by the prepubescent boy, but by males at a variety of ages.

I recently came across an attempt to answer that question by Albert Mohler.  Dr. Mohler is the President of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary.  Dr. Mohler attempts to answer the question “When does a boy become a man?” on his blog.  I want to respond to the answer that he gave, and share why his answer are lacking at best, and at other times – hurtful.
Dr. Mohler and I agree that this topic addresses one of the most important issues that Christians face in today’s society.  I also agree that as Christians we should form our responses from a Biblical perspective.

However, I disagree with the author at various points.  (He gives 13 areas of maturity that men must attain – whose alliteration reminds me of sermons from the 80’s, and had too many points to make anything stick).

The main points are from the article, and I will respond briefly to each.

1.  Spiritual maturity sufficient to lead a wife and children.

While I clearly believe in the spiritual maturity of men, I do not believe that spiritual maturity is a mark of manhood.  If you subscribe that spirituality is required for manhood, then it follows that all non-Christians are not men.  (While spirituality is an aspect of human development, this is an example of over-spiritualizing human development.)  While we desire for all men to be spiritually mature, there are men who are spiritually mature and spiritually immature.  (For developmental markers of adulthood, please read my post).

There is a bigger problem with Mohler’s comment.  Dr. Mohler seems to require that men have a wife and children.  If this is not true, he could have replaced the words with “others.”  His definition of manhood is available only to Christians who are married, and been blessed with children.  I know many men who either by choice or circumstances are single or without children.  What message does this send to these men?

2.  Personal maturity sufficient to be a responsible husband and father.

Once again, Mohler adds the requirement of being a husband and father.   Mohler says, “In the Bible, a man is called to fulfill his role as husband and father. Unless granted the gift of celibacy for gospel service, the Christian boy is to aim for marriage and fatherhood. This is assuredly a counter-cultural assertion, but the role of husband and father is central to manhood.”

If being a father is central to being a man, I am surprised at how little instruction is given in the Bible concerning being a father.   The Bible is more filled with the story of Jesus, and how he came to redeem us and thereby calling us to bring redemption to the world.

I am surprised that the one we are called to emulate – Jesus – was neither a husband nor father.  Humans can hold to many roles including:  husband, father, brother, neighbor, uncle, friend, teacher, worker, and leader.  Responsibility can be revealed through any of these roles in life.

3.  Economic maturity sufficient to hold an adult job and handle money.

medium_6736161971I agree with Mohler when he says, “A boy must be taught how to work, how to save, to invest, and to spend money with care. He must be taught to respect labor, and to feel the satisfaction that comes from a job well done, and a dollar honestly earned.”  I believe that one of the three developmental tasks of adulthood is vocation.  There is a lot of wrong teaching about what vocation is within the church.  Vocation can be defined as how “God has chosen to work through human beings who, in their different capacities and according to their different talents, serve each other.” (Veith, 2002)

I also believe that our manhood should not be linked with “hold[ing] an adult job” (whatever that expression means).  I feel as if this expression rules out jobs held by hard workers in entry-level positions due to the inaccessibility of education.  It is important for a man to provide for his family (I Timothy 5, 2 Thessalonians 3), and to work.  I have seen some friends whose manhood never shined brighter than when they were in a period of unemployment or under-employment.  It is important to know that our approval before God is not dependent on whether or not we currently have a job.

4.  Physical maturity sufficient to work and protect a family.

Like all other points, this one requires all males to be married and have children.  However, he also attempts to link physical maturity with protecting a family.  I am thankful that he acknowledges that some males due to injury or illness are exempt from his standard – however the standard is still flawed.

Is physical might the only means by which a man might protect his family?  I don’t feel as if calling 9-1-1 is less manly than pulling out a gun, chasing down an intruder.  I feel as if Mohler wants to say that all real men own a gun, but doesn’t go quite that far (for which I am thankful).  While I have no trouble with men who own guns or built a pair of guns at the gym, I don’t think that either is required for manhood.

5.  Sexual maturity sufficient to marry and fulfill God’s purposes.

As puberty rates decline and marriage rates escalate, the time between a male’s sexual maturity and the moment at which they enter marriage expands.  During this time, we must help boys as they wrestle with sexual desires and question their sexual identity.  I appreciate Mohler’s desire to call both boys and men to purity.

6.  Moral maturity sufficient to lead as an example of righteousness.

Group of men - church“Stereotypical behavior on the part of young males is, in the main, marked by recklessness, irresponsibility, and worse.”  Unfortunately, society often establishes negative stereotypes for young men.  As the church, we need to change the metanarrative (or the descriptive story) of adolescence and young adulthood.  If we continue to characterize youth as a time of reckless wandering from God, then young men will continue to meet those expectations.

“Biblical manhood does not develop in a vacuum.”  Mohler is correct that manhood does not happen in theory, but in the context of our lives.  Overall, I would like to see him acknowledge that manhood can be fully achieved without having a wife and children.  The church must stop making singles and childless couples feel like second-class citizens.

The piece overall speaks not about moving from adolescence into adulthood, but characteristics he wants Christian men to exhibit.  Therefore, he leaves his original question unanswered, and leaves young men trying to complete a laundry list of ideals in order to grasp their identity.

For my perspective of moving from adolescence into adulthood, please go here.

References:  Veith, Gene.  God at Work.  2002

(Here is my continued critique of Mohler’s points.)

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.

Emerging Adults – In Defense of a New Human Life Phase

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Millennials have been called many names during their pursuit of adulthood including:  lazy, narcissistic, immature, and other words that I prefer not to type.  The purpose of this article is to explain why a new human life phase is beneficial to both Millennials and the rest of us.  Continue reading →

FACTCHECKER: DOES COLLEGE CAUSE YOUNG ADULTS TO LOSE THEIR FAITH?

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I recently came across an article that I wanted to share with my readers.

Parents do have a great fear that college will mark the end of their child’s faith.  However, here are a few points that I would like to make.

1.  Many parents blame college, but the adolescent actually left their faith many years before.

Adolescents leave the faith for a variety of reasons, and parents sometimes turn away from signs that their children no longer hold to the faith that they were taught as children (article).  I recommend a book on this subject by Drew Dyck, Generation:  Ex-Christian.

2.  Professors do not want to convert your children.

The recent film “God’s Not Dead” continues to paint the picture that professors desire to destroy Christians.  While some professors may be personally hostile towards a  specific religion, faculty  cannot discriminate against people of a specific religion, by grading their religious beliefs.

3.  Postmodernism allows diversity and a variety of religious beliefs and experiences on campus.

Christian Smith states, “The increase of relativism and the decline of strict scientism, which allows for discussion of faith and spiritual speculation, similar to what Paul experienced at the Aeropagus.”  Dr. Smith is talking about the decline of modernity, and the rise of post-modernity.  While some Christians have in the past been extremely out-spoken against postmodernism, it has made college campuses more accepting of faith and diversity.

Here is the article.  The author, Glenn T. Stanton is the director of family formation studies at Focus on the Family and the author of five books.

I hope that it is an encouragement to you as you parent.

 

Recruiting a Team for Emerging Adult Ministry

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If you desire to minister to emerging adults in your church, I highly encourage you to create a team.  Teamwork makes your journey more fun, and allows you to accomplish more than if you are working alone.  While a good team can expand your reach and ministry; however, a bad team can exhaust you and hold you back from making a difference.

So if you recruiting people to minister to emerging adults, here are some essential qualities.

1.  Community Builders

ftflagler-washington-pictures-4376127-h[1]These are the people that everyone wants to be around.  There is just something contagious about who they are, and what they bring into a room.  I actively recruit several “life-of-the-party” people before launching any type of small group or community, because they will be the glue that makes new people stick.  These people are your front-line welcome the new guests.  You want your new guests to walk away saying, “Wow, I really liked the people we met.”

2.  Accepting

Look for teammates who readily accept others for who they are and where they are in life.   Some people breathe judgmental attitudes, while others regularly speak their mind.  While I do believe in the gift of discernment, sometimes people claim this spiritual gift because they simply want to speak their mind.  After being raised with a postmodern mindset, emerging adults will run from those who claim to have all the answers.

Emerging adults must be safe to express who they are, and where they are truly at in their faith journey without fear of becoming a spiritual project of someone else within the group.  I want teammates who are gifted at asking questions, rather than giving advice.  A wise team will fully accept others for who they are, and wait for God to do the work.

3.  Consistent

One consistent worker is worth – twenty part-timers.  Due to the constant changes in their lives,  emerging adults are looking for consistency.  Emerging adults want to know who is going to be at meetings before they show up.  When looking for workers, I ask those who were not otherwise involved in church ministry because I want my teammates fully devoted to our goal.  Availability is also important because your teammates must have enough margin to be available to your group outside of your weekly scheduled meeting.

4.  Intergenerational

Your team should include emerging adults.  If you have no emerging adults on your team, you are already communicating that they are not capable of leading or contributing to the ministry.  Emerging adults have great potential to give and lead within any ministry.

Your team should also include other generations who have traveled further down life’s road and can offer a different perspective.  However, older adults need to understand that emerging adults are looking to develop relationships that involve give-and-take rather than downward-focused.  As the team enters each week with an expectation of receiving, it will be amazing what God will do in their lives as they serve.

While you may be overwhelmed by starting a ministry to emerging adults, the beauty about starting a ministry is that you can pick your team.  Choose wisely.  Spend time praying over who God is calling you to invite into this exciting movement.

david in hat - blackDr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.  He is passionate about seeing Emerging Adults survive and thrive in our world and the church.

Christ and Keg Stands – An article on College Binge Drinking

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I came across this article that I wanted to share with my readers.  It is a great read for students who are making choices about drinking on campus, and for parents.

Here are my top three lines from the Article.

1.  If you think not drinking gets you closer to God, get a better reading of Scripture.

2.  If you think drinking gets you closer to relevance, get a better understanding of ministry.

3.  Even when there are intellectual objections to Christianity, these are often just cover for a debauched lifestyle.

I was going to say something about them, but the article says enough.  Enjoy!

Kevin DeYoung is senior pastor of University Reformed Church (RCA) in East Lansing, Michigan, near Michigan State University. He and his wife Trisha have six young children. You can follow him on Twitter.

 

A Guide for Setting Expectations on Emerging Adults in Your Church Community  

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Group of EAThank you for believing in emerging adults!  May God guide you as you seek to set expectations on emerging adults in your community.

Before you begin:

  • Include church leadership from the highest level.
  • Include emerging adults in the discussion (participation will cause ownership).
  • Educate participants on the current challenges and characteristics of emerging adults.
  • Hand out discussion questions before the meeting.

Discuss Questions:

  • What characteristics do we desire for our emerging adults to have?  How are we going to help them develop those characteristics?
  • Is it our goal to provide an extended “youth group” experience that will keep them interested in church?
  • How will we assimilate them into the adult population and activity of our community?
  • What are the needs of emerging adults in our community?  How are we specifically designed to meet any of those needs?
  • What roles do we desire for our emerging adults to have within our congregation?  How are we going to identity and create space for them within our community to help them fit those roles?
  • What kind of relationships are important for emerging adults?  What can we do to provide ways for these to be established?
  • What problems are emerging adults facing?  How can we empower them as they face these obstacles?

Before you leave:

  • What are some actions steps to take because of your discussion?  Who is taking responsibility for each step?
  • When will we meet again to check in about progress in this area of our ministry?
  • Are there any key players that were not able to attend, but need to brought into this discussion?

This is just the beginning of issues that need discussed by churches.  Add your thoughts or questions to the article by commenting below.

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.  If he can help your community minister to emerging adults, you can contact him at gdavid@earesources.org.

 

Starting a College Ministry

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group of eaWhenever I talk to people about what I do, they usually respond in two ways.

1.  “Our church doesn’t have anything for young adults.”

2.   “Our church would never be able to start something.”

And when I hear these responses, it reminds me over and over again, why I love what I get to do.

I first want to clarify what I mean by college ministry.  College ministry is finding ways to minister God’s love and grace to the emerging adults within and outside our church community.  Your church may not be able to build a huge, thriving, spiritual “hang-out” community for young adults, but you can create ways to minister to emerging adults in your community.

I also would never call it a ministry to college students because not everyone who graduates from high school goes to college.  I gave it that title becase those are currently the words that people type who are searching the internet for answers.  They should be called Emerging Adults (or at least go old-school and use the title “Young Adults”).

So before your community develops ways to minister to emerging adults, ask yourself three questions.

Who is your audience?

There is a reason why this question is first.  You cannot answer the second two questions until you have the first.  A ministry should not be launched by local demographics, but by who do you currently have committed to your community.

This is not because I don’t believe in reaching out, but because I believe that evangelism is best done through current social circles, rather than slick posters and hip events.  So start with who is attending your church already.  If you have no one currently attending, then ask who in this age demographic has had previous contact with your church.

As you identity both leaders and attenders of this new ministry, invite them to join you in answering questions two and three.

 What is your mission?

ftflagler-washington-pictures-4376127-h[1]I am not that you need to write a purpose statement/missions/values and objectives before you do ministry.  While there may be some merit to the business-oriented “Purpose-Driven” method, I have found that its values have been overstated (although greatly appreciated by modernistic baby boomers and baby busters).

 

It is essential to know what we want out of this age group.  Do we want to provide an extended “youth group,” or what do we hope to accomplish through trying to start this ministry?  I believe that the purpose of any emerging adult ministry should be tailored to the values and vision of your church.  Don’t launch a college ministry to appease a vocal parent whose child didn’t go to college.  You shouldn’t do it because it is a missing program in your portfolio.  You shouldn’t do it because you somewhere to recruit more youth workers.

One right reason is because you have a passion to see emerging adults shepherded, and parents loved as they walk through these years.  However, there could be other reasons.

 What are your resources?

After feeling God’s direction to your ministry, take a look around you and see what resources you possess in order to make it happen.  The three main resources are money, people, and possessions.  Think through each of these areas:  money, possessions, and people.

Money – You are probably asking, “What money?”  When I first started our college ministry, we didn’t have much money.  I had to borrow from the youth ministry budget in order to buy so much as a pizza.  It took time to build this resource, and to convince people that financial support would make an impact.  Acquiring money takes time, and therefore requires planning.  However, don’t make money an obstacle.  Remember that the church budget isn’t the only source of funds.  Some emerging adults have money, and don’t need you to pick up the tab on the pizza.

Possessions – Launching a ministry doesn’t require a lot, but some tools in your toolbox might help your work progress faster.  Does your community have a building or a space to meet?  If it doesn’t, are there people in your congregation that would open up their house to the group?  After you have the basic necessities met, you might start looking to see about other possessions, like vehicles, cabins, or boats that would be available to the group.

People – This is the most important, and I save it for last.   A good team will be the best indicator as to whether or not your group is going to grow.  Remember that your team should not be all from the same age group.  Make sure that your team does include some emerging adults.  Look around your current community to see who might be available, and have a willing heart to commit to helping them.

David Boyd 1 (1)Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.  Contact him at gdavid@earesources.org, if he can help your community to better minister to the challenges and needs of emerging adults.