EA Resources | Category | For Churches

Beyond Mentoring – Marks of a Symbiotic Relationship

Posted on March 25, 2015 by G. David Boyd 0

Last month, I shared how the church needs to think beyond mentoring to engage emerging adults. Mentoring often gives the impression of an omnidirectional relationship where one person gives and one receives. Our economic mindset has also set the image of a mentor as one who stands in authority over another, and who serves as a gatekeeper for wealth, knowledge, or fame.

The church needs to go beyond mentoring. Rather than succumbing to our western society which values independence, the church needs to rediscover its roots in our interdependence. God created the church to do more than gather together, but to need each other. One picture used regularly to illustrate the interdependence of the church is the body of Christ (see 1 Cor 12; Rom 12).

Christians should be seeking symbiotic relationships, where each partner benefits from the relationship without assumptions of power, rank, or importance. A symbiotic relationship is a connection that is for the mutual benefit of each individual. Here are some marks of symbiotic relationships:

Relational versus Programmatic

We were designed by God to be in relationships with others. Church leadership needs to manage less programs, and become more relationally perceptive. Shepherds need to see who within our community would naturally connect in symbiotic relationships.

In nature, symbiotic relationships develop because both animals see the need, and are drawn by the natural benefits of the relationship. Those seeking relationships must ask, “Who has God placed near me?” and “Who am I naturally drawn towards?”

Authentic versus Staged

In typical mentorships, the mentor must come with the gathering staged or set. Whether it is a set list of questions, a specific topic, or even to allow the meeting unplanned, the mentor feels responsible for setting the stage. When this responsibility is laid solely upon one member, it can lead to a lack of authenticity.

Symbiotic relationships still require intentionality, but the responsibility is shared. Intentionality turns hanging out with a friend into building spiritual intimacy. Someone must lead the discussion towards our faith, and then allow the Holy Spirit to steer the time towards sacred space.

Learning versus Teaching

In symbiotic relationships, participants approach the relationship saying, “What can I learn?” Teaching is the natural outflow of two different parts of the Body of Christ working together, occurring without a lesson plan as the Spirit speaks through His word, the conversation, and sharing life.

Purpose-giving versus Purpose-driven

Rarely do people want to be someone else’s purpose-driven spiritual project. Unfortunately, sometimes mentors believe that they know exactly what their partner needs. (For instance, “I need to show them…”, or “They need to learn…”). One individual controls the relationship rather than letting God work freely. God always set the agenda of symbiotic relationship.

Symbiotic relationships provide personal significance. Our motivation for the relationship is not because I am supposed to do it, but because I see how my life matters to another person. As we walk away from a symbiotic relationship, both people are thinking, “Wow, I needed that.”

Many people who use the term “mentor” have already moved beyond the stereotypical and possibly unhealthy uses of the role. Regardless of the term you use, as a member of the Body of Christ, seek interdependent relationships.

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of Emerging Adult Resources. He resides in Apple Valley, MN with his wife Rachel and three boys. If you would like to contact him, you can reach him at gdavid@earesources.org.

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Essential Website Resources for those Ministering to Emerging Adults

Posted on March 18, 2015 by G. David Boyd 0

L group of ea ast week, I shared some free on-line resources for parents of emerging adults. If you missed it, you can find it – HERE!

While there are not many free on-line resources for those seeking to help emerging adults, here are a few that I have found essential.

FullerYouthInstitute. I appreciate all the work done by Dr. Kara Powell and her team. The link above provides many free resources to churches.
SSEA.org – The Society for the Study of Emerging Adulthood is an organization launched by Jeffrey Arnett. They provide a listing of free resources for those interested in studying young adults.

Chuck Bomar’s Blog. Chuck has written several books about college ministry and the changing world of emerging adult faith.
CollegeLeader.org. An organization that has spun off from Chuck Bomar. The blog is not regularly up-dated, but contains articles that apply directly towards those doing college ministry.
EA Resources – Emerging Adult Resources is my favorite – of course! Our desire is to design and publish resources for churches, parents, and emerging adults. Click here, if you want to join our team to make this happen.

If you would like to recommend a website to this list, please contact Dr. G. David Boyd at gdavid@earesources.org.

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We know it is a problem.

Posted on March 16, 2015 by G. David Boyd 0

We know it is a problem.

There are young adults are leaving the church (for various reasons), and while some are returning as they age – many others are walking away never to return. Continue reading →

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Shaping the Journey of Emerging Adults

Posted on February 19, 2015 by G. David Boyd 0

During my seminary years, I took a class on discipleship. I enjoyed our teacher. I enjoyed the class. I did not enjoy the final class project. We were supposed to design an image and curriculum that conveyed our plan of discipleship.

I hated it. Going through the hoops, I sketched out some baseball diamond shape, but I would never have used it (partially because I cannot imagine celebrating “second base” with a disciple). As modernism invaded our seminaries, students and professors planned and objectified everything about the faith – including disciple-making.

Discipleship cannot be summed up in a curriculum, or Jesus could have simply written a textbook.

Shaping the Journey of Emerging Adults: Life-Giving Rhythms for Spiritual Transformation by Richard Dunn and Jana Sundene was published by Intervarsity in 2012. This book steps towards removing the modernistic perspective by inspiring the church to build intergenerational relationships for the cause of the Kingdom. Along with the authors, I believe, “Fully mature spiritual adulthood cannot be reached without intentional relationships that invest Christ’s grace, truth, and love into the young adult’s life.” (Dunn, 16)

I appreciate their understanding of the challenges facing emerging adults (who are currently Millennials) without bashing them. They state,

A caring disciple maker does not soothe the unpleasant aspects of this stage away. Instead, they value this God-given time of life as a way for the young adult to become more attuned to the work of becoming like Christ. (Dunn, 40)

The authors’ understand that, “Among today’s emerging adults, often there are less consistent markers, making ‘reaching adulthood’ more confusing.” (Dunn and Sundene, 40) Marking the road to adulthood by developmental markers (rather than traditional markers like marriage, children, buying a home, or having a job) helps emerging adults continue to mature. I believe there are three main developmental markers for emerging adults: Discovering Vocation, Establishing Autonomy, and Developing Community.

The book presents three “Life-giving Rhythms” for Spiritual Transformation. I appreciate the imagery provided by the phrase “life-giving” because sometimes our spiritual development appears to drain the life out of us rather than give us the life that Jesus speaks about in John 10:10. Their three rhythms are:

1. Discernment

“Disciplemaking relationships can take multiple forms, varying in style and approach according to the personalities involved.” (Dunn and Sundene, 65) Listening to the voice of God on the behalf of another requires discernment. A disciple-maker’s desire is not simply for us to examine their lives and see what we want changed, but to listen to them and discern what God is doing.

2. Intentionality

Spiritual depth in relationships rarely happens naturally, but requires intentionality. “Intentionality produces positive spiritual tension.” (Dunn and Sundene, 91) Disciple-making is filled with “awkward” moments that are not to be avoided, but cherished.

3. Reflection

I appreciate their emphasis upon the importance of reflection for both emerging adults, and those working with them. Emerging adults are too focused on surviving the present, and forget to savor the past. It is important for all Christians to reflect on God’s work and faithfulness in the past in order to hold to faith in the present.

These three aspects frame their practical applications, and are helpful for those seeking to impact others. What a great gift to the church in order to help us move towards a new era of disciple-making.

The “life-giving rhythms” of spiritual transformation should not be practiced only by older adults, but both sides of intergenerational relationships give and receive. This is what makes the body of Christ not dependent on one another, but interdependent as God designed us to be.

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources, a non-profit designed to provide resources to churches and parents of emerging adults.

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Beyond Mentoring – A Call for Symbiotic Relationships

Posted on February 17, 2015 by G. David Boyd 0

Mentoring is a hot topic these days within the church. Many people say they want to find a mentor, however, few actually do the work (or find the courage) to acquire one. Sharon Parks writes, “Restoring mentoring as a cultural force could significantly revitalize our institutions and provide the intergenerational glue to address some of our deepest and most pervasive concerns.” (Parks 2000, 12) This quote acknowledges that our deepest concerns about our society and the church cannot be solved by one sector of society, but will require a unified vision of all generations.

Many young adults seek after mentors within their vocational fields in order to build their knowledge, contacts, and other resources. Emerging adults are taught to seek after mentors in order to advance. This perspective of mentoring further defines mentoring as a relationship where one gives to another. One partner of the relationship is a gatekeeper to money, fame, experience, or advancement.

Mentoring is defined as “someone who teaches or gives help and advice to a less experienced and often younger person.” (Merriam-Webster, Online). This definition clearly expresses a unidirectional relationship where one gives, and the other receives. However, anyone who has spent significant time with a person from another generation knows that both individuals give, and both individuals receive. Healthy human relationships are omnidirectional where giving and receiving moves in both directions.

As Millennials come of age, a new perspective of mentorship has emerged, one which is changing our understanding and praxis of mentorship. Kinnamen states, “Are you open to “reverse” mentoring, wherein you allow younger leaders to challenge your faith and renew the church?” (Kinnamen, 205) Setran and Kiesling in their excellent book Spiritual Formation in Emerging Adulthood say, “…guidance still desperately needed but it is a guidance that is dialogical and mutual rather than unidirectional mentoring (Setran, 206). We must acknowledge the interdependence of human relationships among generations. While many resort to the word mentoring, the concept has changed and requires us to go beyond.

Scientists use the term symbiosis to describe relationships that exist for the mutual benefit of each individual. One example of a symbiotic relationship is the Goby Fish and Snapping Shrimp. The near-blind shrimp relies on the eyes of the Goby fish while constructs and maintains borrows on the ocean floor. With one flap of his tail, the fish communicates to his partner that danger is present. Another example is the African Oxpecker’s relationship with various large African animals. Larger animals are cleared of ticks by the Oxpecker who live off the ticks (and according to more recent findings, the blood of their host as well). Symbiosis illustrates the interdependence relationships that God designed humans to develop. (Here is a scientific article on the topic.)

We were designed by God to be in relationships with others. Interdependent relationships cause growth and maturity. Interdependent relationships supply love and encouragement. Interdependent relationships provide personal significance (“My life matters to another person.”)

The time has come when we are called to go beyond mentoring. We must seek relationships in which we give and receive. We must move from independence into interdependence. We must call others to do the same.

References:

Spiritual Formation in Emerging Adulthood by Setran and Kiesling
You Lost Me by David Kinnamen
Big Questions, Worthy Dreams by Sharon Parks

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources, a non-profit designed to provide resources to parents and churches as they seek to help emerging adults.

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Church, Make Room for Young Leaders

Posted on February 3, 2015 by G. David Boyd 0

Church, Make Room for Young Leaders Earlier this week, I wrote about the 5 “Disastrous” Results of Inviting Emerging Adults into Leadership. I came across an article this week that I wanted to share with you concerning making room for Emerging Adults within the leadership structure of the church.

Here are a few points that I would like to make:

Stephens City United Methodist Church from Flickr via Wylio

1. If you do not “make room” for young leaders, then they will not feel welcome. Through the years, most young adults know that when it comes to church leadership that the “Young Need NOT Apply.” We must be proactive in making room into our leadership structures and inviting them to join us.

2. We must fight ageism within the Church. In the author’s words, “Don’t expect the worst of fellow believers, regardless of their age. Let the gospel go to work on your subtle age-prejudice.” People from all generations must stop bashing others, and seek to build bridges.

3. Good leadership knows how to release power to others. Unfortunately, the power of leadership is drawing, and causes many to clutch it for too long (I am hearing the words of Gollum – My Precious). Larry Osborne has a great quote,

The seniors never graduate (at least not until they’ve become literal seniors and start dying off). They hog the leadership table, shutting out the next generation. It’s one of the main reasons that most churches stop growing and lose their evangelistic touch (and cultural relevance) around the twenty-year mark.

Enjoy the article by David Mathis the executive editor at desiringGod.org.

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Five “Disastrous” Results of Inviting Emerging Adults into Leadership.

Posted on February 2, 2015 by G. David Boyd 0

Although some people believe that mixing generations in leadership can cause the same results as mixing Mentos and carbonated drinks, I believe in young leadership. I actually believe that the church needs Millennials in order to be healthy. That doesn’t mean change will be easy. Here are some results to expect as you invite emerging adults into leadership.

1. Questions will be asked.

As you invite emerging adults into leadership, be ready to answer questions. Asking questions is key to a healthy community, while authority that stifles questions and criticism is quickly headed towards disaster. God-ordained leadership can face questions without feeling threatened. Hierarchy is so often ingrained into our communities, that we learn to not question authority or the systems that elected them. As we invite emerging adults to speak, they will need to ask questions to provide understanding, and at other times to evaluate decisions.

2. Elephants will be acknowledged.

Elephant's tea party, Robur Tea Room, 24 March 1939, by Sam Hood from Flickr via Wylio

Many organizations have an elephant (or two) in the room that no one is willing to talk about. Young leadership will gladly point them out – either because they don’t understand them, or because they can see how unhealthy these huge burdens have become for the group. Unfortunately, most of these elephants have protectors in the room. When established leadership chooses to ignore problems within our communities (because they are too painful), emerging adults will want to revisit them.

3. Reality Checks will be given.

We all need a dose of reality from time to time. Emerging adults are often idealistic, and do not realize how difficult it can be to bring change to individuals and an organization. In spite of their idealism, other generations can learn from those who understand how our world is changing, and how the church sits on the precipice of irrelevancy. A healthy spoonful of reality is needed by both sides. Inter-generational leadership is a medicine that will grow and strengthen the church.

4. Assumptions will be challenged.

Whether due to being raised in a postmodern society, a digital world, or because they want to see change, EA’s will challenge assumptions – no matter how old. A community’s leadership is often blinded to their own assumptions. A new leader will see what is being assumed by the leadership structure, and how these old assumptions are obstacles to growth and healthy change.

5. Growth we result.

As you place emerging adults on your team, their leadership skills will improve. However, growth should not be associated simply with youth. Diversity creates a dynamic working environment that will cause everyone involved to grow. This growth process is characterized by moments of pain and pleasure.

Inviting younger leadership to the table would require something from everyone.

It is risky.

It requires humility.

It requires work.

It requires courage.

Maybe these are the reasons why Emerging Adults get shut out.

In the end, we will discover that the results of working with emerging adults are not disastrous at all. Rather, we will discover that they are exactly what the Church needs.

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources. If he can help your church create avenues to minister to emerging adults, you can contact him at gdavid@earesources.org.

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Move over Babyboomers – You are no Longer on Top.

Posted on January 19, 2015 by G. David Boyd 0

It is official! The reign of the Babyboomers as America’s largest living generation is coming to an end. The population of the Millennials is currently 75 million, but is expected to increase due to immigration.

Alas for those of us given the title “Gen X”! We will not overcome the Babyboomers until 2028, and like most “middle children” we will never be the center of attention.

Here are a few points from the article.

Baby Boomers have always had an outsized presence compared with other generations. They were the largest generation and peaked at 78.8 million in 1999.
The Census Bureau projects that the Millennial population was 74.8 million in 2014. By 2015 Millennials will increase in size to 75.3 million and become the biggest group.

Here is a the article.

With the “reign” of the Babyboomers coming to an end, what does this mean for the Church? I believe that churches already feel the shifts that are coming with this new generation, but are unsure how to respond. If your community wants to understand and minister to the needs of Millennials, maybe we can help.

Dr. G. David Boyd is a member of Gen X – the middle child of generations who was destined to be overlooked by big brother Babyboomers, and little brother Millennials. In spite of feeling neglected, he loves both generations, and believes the church needs representation from each of them in order to healthy.

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Over Half of College Students do NOT know their College Debt Amount.

Posted on January 12, 2015 by G. David Boyd 1

I still remember the number – 27,000.

There is no relationship between the number and my age, birthday, or anniversary. It is not the number of comic books that I own (although, I wish it was). The number seemed to follow me everywhere I went. I began to feel a strange kinship with the number.

That number was my student debt total from graduate school. I predicted the number even before I began my first year, and knew it was coming. I still remember the day it was paid off.

Debt was a big deal to me, and I was aware of its weight. Unfortunately, the concept of debt is lost among many students entering college.

I came across this article this week from the Washington Post. A study was done among first year students about their perceptions of debt.

The study concludes that, “Students who do not have a good idea of their level of borrowing may make expensive mistakes that they will later come to regret.” I have seen many students take out extra student loans for leisure trips or unnecessary expenses.

The study also states that “They are also likely to be surprised or even fearful when their first loan payments come due, which may impose an emotional burden on borrowers.”

That is an understatement. The emotional burden of debt exists until the debt is paid. Proverbs 22:7 states, “Just as the rich rule the poor, so the borrower is servant to the lender.” Here are some stories from those living with school debt.

Debt is real. It has consequences for today, and for the future.

We must help emerging adults understand the ramifications of debt, and help them find cost-effective solutions while discovering a vocation.

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources. He has a passion to help emerging adults and equip churches. He is thankful for his wife Rachel who worked hard to pay off his school loans.

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5 Struggles of Emerging Adults and How Your Church can Help.

Posted on January 7, 2015 by G. David Boyd 0

As the Church, our purpose in helping Emerging adults is not to remove their pain or struggles, but to walk alongside them in the journey. In Essential Church, Thom and Sam Rainer believe that churches must become essential once again to the lives of people – especially emerging adults. Your church can become essential to the life of emerging adults, if it understands and seeks to minister to their greatest sources of struggle.

1. Lack of Direction

Emerging adults face endless opportunities, but often lack the ability to make decisions (link to decision making). This does not mean we make decisions for them, but we can seek to provide people and resources that can empower them to make their own decisions. Do emerging adults in your community have easy avenues to connect with mentors, or does your church provide a mentoring community that can help them find direction?

2. Lack of Stability

Young adults face regular transitions, and so a stable environment is crucial to your ministry (including regular meeting times and consistent leadership). Emerging adults do not want to meet a new group of people each Sunday. They want someone to know their name, and offer an understanding ear for their lives. Do emerging adults at your church should know who they can turn to when they are in need?

3. Lack of Community

While attending college, many emerging adults only have a few months to connect before they face a new transition. This leaves both sides asking whether or not the investment is worth it. How long does it take for the average person to connect to your church body? Assimilation into your community must be quick and effective. While these relationships do not have to be peer-centered, they should be peer-sensitive. The emerging adult years are filled with transitions due to changing jobs, housing, and relationships; therefore, a church that ministers to emerging adults will provide clear channels for them to quickly connect. Do emerging adults know who they can sit by?

4. Lack of Vocational Experience

Whether currently taking classes or graduated, emerging adults are either looking for work or gaining work skills. Churches must understand that vocation should not be limited to a side topic, but that vocation is directly connected to the mission of Jesus Christ. A church who ministers to emerging adults will find people who can provide vocation mentorship, guidance, and internships for emerging adults. Another way to help emerging adults gain skills includes: childcare, sound technology, video technology, leadership, teaching and public speaking skills. All of these skills can serve emerging adults as future job skills. Do emerging adults know you care about their vocational lives?

5. Distance from Family

Many emerging adults are away from their families, and long for “family experiences.” This is especially true when a family member has died or is facing an illness. Train and equip your people to provide moments when they feel your church is truly a family. For example, one couple opened up their home every Sunday afternoon to college students. This couple wanted students to have a home-cooked meal around a table where they would feel loved. After lunch, the students could then sprawl out in the living room to watch football or take a nap. Do you make emerging adults feel at home?

As a church, you must plan ways to meet EAs in their struggles.

If you do, they will come.

If you do, they will stay.

If you do, more will come – for your community will not be entertainment, but essential to their lives.

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources, a non-profit driven to encourage and provide resources to Emerging Adults and their parents. If we can help your community minister to Emerging Adults, contact David at gdavid@earesources.org.

Recommended Resources:

Big Questions, Worthy Dreams by Sharon Parks

Shaping the Journey of Emerging Adults by Jana Sundene

Essential Church by Thom and Sam Rainer

Spiritual Formation in Emerging Adulthood by David Setran and Chris Kiesling

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