Category Archives: For Churches

Living at Home as a Adult / Living at Home as a Child – Which are you?

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According to research, “40% of 18 to 34 year olds are living at home with one parent or both.  Looking at the younger, 18-to 24 year-old group, more than half have moved back home, at least for a time, in the past few years- or never moved out.  Ther percentage is about the same for men and women.  (Arnett, Getting them to 30, 109)front door

In a society where more emerging adults are living at home, adulthood cannot be based upon markers such as living independently, but upon the deeper Biblical principles of Vocation, Autonomy, and Community.

While living at home still carries a negative stigma in many social circles, living at home is not always a negative experience – for the child or the parent.  “Almost 70% of young people 18-34 who are living at home with their parents say they are very satisfied with family life.”  (Arnett, 110)

In this video, the speaker makes several points to illustrate the difference between someone who lives with parents as an adult versus someone who lives at home with an immature perspective.

Here is a link to the full video.

Living at Home

www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGV_YBM0KXQ

The video states that those who live at home as a Child…

  • treat the home as a hotel.
  • are frivolous spenders.
  • always have something to prove.

Those who live at home as an Adult…

  • always contribute.
  • are not afraid to serve parents and siblings.
  • respect their parents wishes and home.

While the fact that you are living with your parents does not make you a child, how you act while living at home does indicate your maturity.

One of the first points made in the video is that there are several healthy reasons why children choose to live with their parents (including finances and physical health).  While the predominant western mindset values living independently, many cultures have always valued communal living for extended families.

So are you living at home like an Adult or a Child?

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Boomerang Kids – What does this trend mean for the church?

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I came across an article this week that focuses on the increase of women who are living at home.  While the article focuses on the increase of women, the numbers of women and men living with their parents continues to increase.

Here is the full article.

We need to explore what this trend means for the church.

What does this trend mean for parents, educators, and those who minister to emerging adults?

1.  In a society where more emerging adults are living at home, adulthood cannot be based upon markers such as living independently, but upon the deeper Biblical principles of Vocation, Autonomy, and Community.

2. New boundaries must be established within the home when a child moves home to further rather than delay the child’s development.  (Setting Boundaries While Living at Home)

3.  We must avoid criticizing or shaming those who live at home.   We must avoid criticizing or shaming parents who allow their children to live at home.

4.  We must be prepared to counsel emerging adults as they decide where to live, and how it will affect their lives (spiritually, mentally, physically, and financially).

This is only scratching the surface of this issue.  Please leave your thoughts below to further the discussion.

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profil pictureDr. G. David Boyd is the Managing Director of EA Resources, a non-profit that seeks to equip those who minister to emerging adults.

Conversation, Empathy, and Emerging Adults – by Jana Sundene

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Sapienta is an on-line resources that is sponsored by Trinity International University that focuses on research on emerging adulthood.  Jana Sundene, co-author of Shaping the Journey of Emerging Adults, wrote this great article concerning the affect of digital communication upon the empathy skills of emerging adults.  In this article, Jana conveys displays two things I love: a passion for emerging adults, and a positive perspective towards their impact upon the future of the church.  Here is the article…

Reclaiming Conversation by Sherry TurtleIt seems like every time I turn around I am hearing something about Sherry Turkle’s new book, Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age.Whether it is an interview, a podcast, an article or a review, this book appears to have hit a nerve with the general public.

Indeed, concern about how electronic devices and social media are affecting our relationships has been growing. I know it’s not just the older generations because very time I bring up this as a topic of discussion with the emerging adults in my college courses, the classroom lights up with comments and opinions.

Click here for the full article.

Here are some highlight quotes:

  • From David Setran – “While cell phones preserve connections with individuals in a variety of locations, they may also compromise the ability to be fully present in any one place. Many emerging adults prefer virtual dispersion to embodied and situated connections with God, people, and texts.”
  • Empathy, the ability to put ourselves in the place of the other, requires presence and is an important pre-requisite of compassion.
  • Their empathy, their strongest sense of compassion, seems to be toward groups of people who are “situated elsewhere.” This is a definitely a strength and a huge gift to offer to the church.

So next time you find yourself in a situation with an emerging adult, give them the gift of presence.  After bestowing this precious gift,  don’t expect or demand that it to be fully repaid.  Like other acts of giving, it should spring from an over-flowing heart, and lead by the tug of the Spirit.  

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Managing Director of EA Resources.

What Kind of Leaders are Millennials?

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closeup of a young man with the word yolo, for you only live once, tattooed in his hand, with a filter effect

The title of this article immediately irritates me – any piece of writing or study that claims to state how an entire generation leads is going to be filled with assumptions, stereotypes, and generic statements that don’t mean much.  (I am also not sure how their picture connects with the article?)

However, here are a few points that all church leaders should ponder:

You can check out the complete article here.

  • “Millennials want to be leaders. Ninety-one percent of millennials aspire to be leaders, according to The Millennial Leadership Study.”  Could this be why some are leaving the church?
  • “Interestingly, of the 91 percent seeking leadership responsibilities, more than half are women. More women in leadership roles could impact or even break up the “good ol’ boys” network and pay inequality, criticized by so many today.”
  • “Millennials realize they lack experience and skills, and the study reports that 53 percent are eager to learn from mentors.”  What does this look like with Millennials?
  • “Millennials may be misunderstood. But as the largest generation in the workforce, they have a significant influence. It’s only a matter of time before they begin redefining leadership and other workplace trends.”

Millennials who lead come in all shapes and sizes.  While their styles will be shaped by the values of their generation (like authenticity), defining their leadership style (like any other generation) is impossible.

 

 

 

The Power of Generational Mediators

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A “mediator” serves as a conduit, or channel, between two parties in conflict, seeking to ensure that both feel understood, respected, and able to contribute towards an agreeable solution.

As a pastor, I have served as a mediator numerous times – negotiating house rules, establishing consensus over new policies in the church, or seeking healing in a relationship.

© 2010 Eric Danley, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

Within the church, disagreements can erupt between different generations due to disparate values, beliefs, and practices. I have stood up in defense of Millennials amidst a boardroom of angry Baby boomers, and I have defused frustration among disillusioned Millennials in hallway conversations.

As churches seek to become more intergenerational in their programming, conflict will inevitably arise. Does your community have people who are equipped to serve as intermediaries between the generations? Mediators of generational conflict can restore peace and unity in three ways.

1.    Mediators understand.

Effective mediators are “swift to hear, slow to speak.” (James 1:19) They ask great questions and are motivated to understand another’s perspective. They want to know the “what,” but will keep digging until they also discover the “whys.” Before bringing together conflicting parties, mediators will seek to understand each group’s desires, values, and practices.

2.     Mediators translate.

During times of conflict, fear and anger can limit or completely block reasonable communication. Mediators are able to remove these obstacles and promote effective communication. By knowing those involved, they will choose words and expressions designed to calm emotions and facilitated mutual understanding between the parties. Fruitful mediation takes time, and all sides must remain patient through the process, believing the results will be worth the effort.

3.    Mediators build bridges.

In the midst of discord, we tend to focus on our differences and perceive our opposition as villains. Dehumanizing others relieves our own sense of guilt, allowing us to justify hurtful words, thoughts, and actions. Mediators remind each side of their common ground, and build bridges towards mutual respect, understanding, and love. As human beings, we can always find some common ground in personal fears, dreams, and emotions. Within the church, mediators lead us to our common ground in Jesus and His call upon our lives.

If your community seeks to become intergenerational, who has God provided as potential mediators?  Seek out and train individuals who are able to value varied perspectives, who can communicate with patience, and who know how to build bridges upon common faith and love.  Well-trained mediators are essential to maintaining a healthy, united community.

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.  This article first appeared on ChurchCentral.com, where David is a regular contributor.

The Credit Card Debt of Emerging Adults

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Credit Card from Flickr via Wylio

© 2015 GotCredit, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

When I was going through college, there would be a salesperson outside our cafeteria everyday trying to get us to register for a credit card.  In return for signing our name, we would receive a free t-shirt, a 2-liter of soda (usually Mountain Dew), or a $10 gift card for pizza.  Preying upon the innocent, their tactics were shady, and their persistence was relentless.

The Credit Card Act of 2009 eliminated excessive marketing of credit cards to young people. It prohibits companies from wooing students with T-shirts, free pizza and other free gifts at university-sponsored events.  This legislative act also requires those under the age of 21 to prove they have an independent income before applying for a credit card.

In spite of these safety provisions, emerging adults are racking up more debt than ever before.  Here are a few statistics:

  • The average credit card debt of college student is $3,173.
  • The average credit card debt of graduating students is $4,100.

Please Note:  These numbers only reflect their amount of credit card debt.  We haven’t even mentioned the average amount of educational debt which is more than 35k.  (Source)  Overwhelmed by this burden, many college students do not even know their current student loan balance.   (Source)

As someone who cares about emerging adults, it is time to begin discussing…

  • how to improve money-management skills of emerging adults.
  • how churches are consumers and contribute to this culture.
  • how living independently by means of debt is not independence, but the entryway to bondage.
  • how to battle consumerism in our lives.
  • how we can effectively teach Jesus’ teaching about money.

In our discussions, we must acknowledge that debt is not a problem of emerging adults, but is an epidemic that affects Christians of all ages.

Maybe the whole problem is that emerging adults have learned from watching us, and our inability to respond to consumerism.

Leave a comment below to express your thoughts or leave a link to a resources on finances.

Financial Resources:

profil pictureDr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources, a non-profit designed to equip parents and churches to minister to emerging adults.

College Students and Credit Cards – Some Statistics

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This article attempts to give an overview of student credit card use by presenting some statistics taken from Sallie Mae’s National Study of Usage Rates and Trends of Undergraduate Student Credit Card Use released in April 2009.   

Click Here to Read the Full Article!

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Wooing Millennials with Tradition, and not Pyrotechnics

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© 2013 Idibri, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

As a clergyperson and an older millennial of the Oregon Trail variety, I’ve followed the ongoing debates about millennials and the Church with both interest and, at times, frustration. There’s an endless number of articles and blog posts out there addressing the “problem” of millennials… Continue reading →