Author Archives: G. David Boyd

4 Ways to Know When God is Resetting Your Parental Narrative.

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Senior couple and their dautherI found this article, and I know that it will be a great encouragement to both Emerging Adults and their parents.  It is a great reminder to parents that worth is not based on the outcome of their children, but in the fact that the God of the universe loves them.

Is your identity based solely on God, or are you still seeking to find it in your children? Pastor Tom Goodman offers four qualities of parents who are no longer seeking validation from their children’s behavior.

1.  You can rejoice with other parents.

2.  You can react patiently to ignorance.

3.  You can decide when you have done enough.

4.  You can take pressure off other children.

Take a moment and recenter your worth, identity, and purpose in God alone.

 

Sonshine Festival – Win a Pair of Skullcandy

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Thanks for visiting our website.  EA Resources is a faith-based non-profit organization that is dedicated to equipping parents and churches to understand Emerging Adults.  It is the desire of EA Resources to provide quality resources for parents, churches, and friends who want to help emerging adults.
hesh 2Dr. Boyd will be conducting Campinars (seminars in a relaxed setting/bring a chair) on “Preparing Your Children for Adulthood” on Friday and Saturday afternoon at   1 PM.  These seminars will be held at their tent outside of gate 4.   A cold beverage and gift will be given for all who attend.

 

Sign Up to Win Skullcandy Headphones

If you would like to be eligible for a pair of Skullcandy Hesh 2 Headphones, please sign up for our e-mail mailing list.  You must verify your e-mail address in order to qualify to win.  One individual’s name will be drawn following LifeFest.  The winner will be contacted by e-mail, and the headphones will be shipped to the address provided.

Good Luck!

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.  If you would like to connect with me while at the festival, please text me at 612.875.0036.

A few basics to know about Emerging Adults and Eating Disorders

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And here is Adam Richman in May after losing 70 pounds.

Adam Richman, host of the TV hit Man Versus Food, made recent news as his new show for the Travel Channel was postponed due to a social media rant that he delivered via Twitter.  The conversation started with a Tweet that led to him calling people offensive names, and encouraging one reader to commit suicide.

Adam later apologized for his comments, but his actions reminded me how important it is for people to understand a few basics about those with eating disorders.

1.  You won’t know who around you is struggling.

Up to 24 million people of all ages and genders suffer from an eating disorder (anorexia, bulimia and binge eating disorder) in the U.S.  95% of those who have eating disorders are reported by adolescents and emerging adults.  Those who suffer with eating disorders work very hard to keep their struggles a secret.

You also cannot always tell by looking at a person.  Not all people with disorders are under-weight, and not all skinny people are affected. In fact, 70 percent of women with eating disorders are at or above what’s considered a “healthy” weight (Source)

It is difficult to know the difference between those who use unsafe dietary practices, and those who trapped in an eating disorder.  Over one-half of teenage girls and nearly one-third of teenage boys use unhealthy weight control behaviors such as skipping meals, fasting, smoking cigarettes, vomiting, and taking laxatives.17 (Statistics from the National Association of Anorexa Nervosa and Associated Disorders).

Most people believe that eating disorders only affect women; however, eating disorders affect men and women.  Because of this stereotype, many men are ashamed to get help.

Don’t make assumptions about your friends  If you have true concerns about your friend’s health, then ask them.

2.  Eating disorders are more than wanting to look prettier.

I Shouldn't Have Had The Dessert II from Flickr via Wylio

© 2011 Laura Lewis, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

Eating disorders often get misunderstood as someone who wants to be skinny or prettier.  Eating disorders are not simply someone struggling with their body image.  Almost 50% of people with eating disorders meet the criteria for depression (Source).  While body image can be the cause, it is not the entire problem.  Eating disorders can spring from a variety of causes.

Minimizing their struggles to an unhealthy body image, and their need to memorize a verse about God’s love for them will only build walls, and leave them feeling misunderstood.

 3.  People with eating disorders need professional help.

Eating disorders can be life threatening, and it is crucial to have a team of supporters to help them in their journey. Eating disorders are dangerous because they affect a person’s physical, emotional, and mental development. The mortality rate associated with anorexia nervosa is 12 times higher than the death rate associated with all causes of death for females 15-24 years.  (Source)  If a friend has sworn you to secrecy, break the silence, and force them to get help starting with those who know the individual.

As a support network is built, professional help is essential.  Here is a list of starting locations that I found on-line (Simply Google, “Christian Eating Disorder Treatement Centers”)

4.  People with eating disorders still need friends.

group of ea

Anytime that someone struggles with an eating disorder, the diagnosis can become a wall that can separate them further from others.  While you are not a therapist  and cannot give them medical assistance, you can still be their friend.

Your friend is still the same person.  Your relationship does not have to center on their struggles.  Rediscover the original causes of your relationship, and focus on them.  Seek out things to do that will allow you both to enjoy your surroundings, and build on other aspects of your friendship.

5.  They need safe places.

Obesity is a national health crisis.  Like other medical issues, jokes and mockery of those affected should be removed from the public sphere.  Our media is filled with jokes about those who are obese.  Do those who are obese know that feel accepted by you, and know they are loved?  Our society is in need of individuals who are willing to stand up against those who make weight jokes.  Indirect comments about clothing, exercise, and consumption of food.  Jokes about eating disorders (purging, binging, and other aspects of these diseases) should not be accepted.

 

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.

 

Man Versus Food Host gets hostile in Eating Disorder Discussion

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Adam Richman made recent news as his new TV show for the Travel Channel was postponed due to a social media rant that he delivered via Twitter.  The conversation started with a Tweet…

“Had ordered this suit from a Savile Row tailor over a year ago. Think I’m gonna need to take it in a little … #Victory #EyesOnThePrize #AnythingIsPossible #fitness #transformation #thinspiration.”

After quitting the binge eating episodes of Man versus Food, the actor and TV host lost sixty pounds.  The picture that he tweeted displayed this incredible weight loss.  The explosion centers on his use of the word “thinspiration.”  The term “thinspiration” is used by people with eating disorders, who consider the word to refer to unhealthy ways to lose weight.

In the discussion, Adam Richman lost his temper, and said some not-so-pleasant things.  NY Daily News sums it up, ”

Food-centric Travel Channel personality Adam Richman has had his latest show, set to premiere Wednesday, postponed after a vile rant online in which he encouraged one woman to commit suicide, calling another a “c—” and telling a third user to “eat a bag of s—.” (Article)

He eventually apologized for the comments that he made.  I am surprised that Adam who has struggled with weight loss would turn his back on those who have shared his struggle.

With this conflict in the news, I wanted to discuss eating disorders.  I don’t watch the show, but I am wondering what the show communicates about healthy eating habits.  Maybe some of faithful watchers know, but I am wondering…

  • Does the show ever address eating disorders?
  • Is purging ever addressed?
  • What are the affects of mass-consumption?
  • To what extent do moments of mass-consumption affect weight/loss?

As competitive eating events and shows like “Man Versus Food Nation” have become worthy of national attention, so does a discussion about how these shows affect our views of eating.

If you think the show is no big deal, and funny to watch, maybe it is when you don’t consider the affects on those who have eating disorders, or simply struggle with weight loss.  I have to admit most TV is simply about amusing us (causing us not to think, rather than evaluating it).

My next post will be, “What you should know about your friends with eating disorders.”  I will include the shocking statistics of Emerging adults who are struggling.

If you have struggled with an eating disorder during early adulthood (18-30), or you are a parent of a child who struggled as a young adult, please use your story to encourage others.  If you are willing to share a portion of your journey, please let me know at gdavid@earesources.org.

 

 

Win SKULLCANDY HEADPHONES – LIFEFEST ATTENDERS

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I am greatly enjoying my time at LifeFest!

Thanks for visiting our website.  EA Resources is a faith-based non-profit organization that is dedicated to equipping parents and churches to understand Emerging Adults.  It is the desire of EA Resources to provide quality resources for parents, churches, and friends who want to help emerging adults.

Dr. Boyd will be conducting Campinars (seminars in a relaxed setting/bring a chair) on Parenting Emerging Adults on Friday and Saturday afternoon at   1 PM.  The seminars will be held at Family Farm Camping Area at Camp Site H21.   A cold beverage and gift will be given for all who attend.

 

Sign Up to Win Skullcandy Headphones

If you would like to be eligible for a pair of Skullcandy Hesh 2 Headphones, please sign up for our e-mail mailing list.  You must verify your e-mail address in order to qualify to win.  One individual’s name will be drawn following LifeFest.  The winner will be contacted by e-mail, and the headphones will be shipped to the address provided.

Good Luck!

Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.  If you would like to connect with me while at the festival, please text me at 612.875.0036.

My Mustard Seed

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Faith is often full of doubt.

Mark 9 is the story of a father who believed God, and yet also doubted God.

Mustard seed from Flickr via Wylio

© 2010 Quinn Dombrowski, Flickr | CC-BY-SA | via Wylio

We know that it was not the father’s first attempt to heal his son, because he had taken him to Jesus’ disciples, and they were unable to heal him.  I doubt this was the father’s first attempt to find miraculous healing from God.  Continue reading →

Is your church TONE deaf?

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Some churches don’t realize how they sound.  Their worship team is spot on.  Their videos are hip.  Their choir is rocking the platform, but they are way off when it comes to dealing with their tone in dealing with the issues that affect people in the pew.

As the church, we need to be aware of not just what we say (asking, “Is it Biblical?”), but we also need to be concerned with how we say it.  When dealing with the relevant issues being discussed within the church including:  hell, sexuality, war, or money.  It is often not what is said, but how it was said that people remember.

What tone of voice should we seek?

© 2008 Michael Tracey, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

Our audience should moved towards or away from the gospel not by the tone of our voice, but by content of our message.  The message of the gospel is offense without our help (1 Corinthians 1:18-25).  The radical discipleship required by Christ is a stumbling block for people, but some churches build extra barriers because of the way they address issues, and share their beliefs.

So, as we share a message of hope and healing.  Here are a few points:

 

 

 

A.  Humility versus Piety.

© 2008 Steve Cadman, Flickr | CC-BY-SA | via Wylio

 

Speakers should have experienced the grace, healing, and forgiveness of God in the area being discusseed.  People identify with brokenness and restoration much more than piety and morals without a personal context.  If you are discussing sexuality, then have someone speak who was broken, and has found healing.  Speaking from a places of brokeness in any issue, communicates authenticity, humility, and hope.

 

B.  Tone-deaf need not apply.  

© 2013 Soumyadeep Paul, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

Whether privately or publicly, tone-deaf people should not be in positions of relational or platform ministry.  I am not talking about sweet Florence (a founding member of the church choir) who cannot stay on pitch.  I am talking about allowing Elder “Knows-all” onto the platform who cannot hear, understand, or control his/her tone.  While most people can be taught how to control their tone, others naturally possess an ability to read and respond to others.

C.   Tone should be Planned.  

Decisions of tone should be discussed and determined when deciding the topic of messages.  Tone provides direction for crafting a message, and cannot be left to the last minute.  Staff or leadership should do a discussion about the topic, and what they want to communicate to their community, rather than one person dictating what is being said.

D.  Dig deeper than, “Speak the truth in love.”

This expression although true has become a cliche to support our current practices.  Churches need to examine what speaking in love really means for their community.  Are we responsible simply for what we say, or for how the audience feels?  Discussions of our methods of communication need regularly examined in light of the love we are called to have for our neighbor.

E.  Review your Tone.

Do you take the time to reflect on how past worship services or other pieces of communication were perceived by the audience?  Many churches may have people reviewing the services, but it includes the same people who planned the service, or people from similar demographic backgrounds.  Diversity is important when evaluating what was said.  Our tone may have been perceived differently to different generations.  How we address an issue to one group may have sounded gracious, while those from a different generation may feel it was overbearing.  Seek diversity, and learn from the different perspectives.

As a church, may God guide you as you seek to be a voice of healing and hope to our rapidly changing world.

David Boyd 1 (1)Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.  He is not tone-deaf, but loves to sing next to those who are.  If you would like him to help your church minister to Millennials (and those who love them), contact him at gdavid@earesources.org.

 

 

Sex in the Church

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Sex, Millennials and the Church: Five ImplicationsEarlier this week, I shared an article from Thom Rainer about the changes in the sexual standards and beliefs of Millennials.  While the article shows how things have changed, it doesn’t explore how to respond.

Few Christians doubt that society’s views of sex have changed.  The bigger question is, “How does a church respond?” Continue reading →

Sex, Millennials, and the Church

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Sex, Millennials and the Church: Five ImplicationsOnce seen as restricted to those within a marriage relationship, sex is now often viewed as recreation regularly detached from the concepts of commitment or love.  “One look at patterns of emerging adults’ sexual activity makes it clear that marriage is no longer a gatekeeper to sexual relations (Simmons).  Instead of marking the beginning of a healthy sex life, marriage is frequently portrayed within current media as its end.

I came across an article that I wanted to share with my readers.  Thom Rainer is the President and CEO of Lifeway Christian Resources.  He has written several books including Essential Church.

wedding-baker-lianne-761857-h[1]If you think that “Youth Groupers” are any better due to pledges and purity conferences, then you might be surprised at the facts.  Robert Wuthnow, professor of sociology at Princeton University has discovered that even those who believe sex outside of marriage to be wrong, may not be living by their own standards.  “When all unmarried adults in this age range were compared, 63 percent of those who thought premarital sex was always wrong acknowledged having had sexual relations in the past year” (Wuthnow).  Changes within our society have made it much more difficult for people to remain sexually pure.  The time between the physical development of sexual urges and the age to seek fulfillment of those urges has increased.

Since the pendulum of physical maturity and the pendulum of adult responsibility are swinging farther and farther apart, they will have to wait longer and longer from the time of puberty until the time when they have the opportunity to marry and begin the sexual relationship God intends for them.  (Moore)

Premarital sex, cohabitation, and hook-ups have become the new sexual norms.  Emerging adults now feel the freedom to experiment and find their sexual identity, rather than becoming locked into a committed relationship.  Accompanying this sexual freedom is a new set of problems that the emerging adult must overcome.  Smith discusses the dark side of this sexual freedom when he states, “not far beneath the surface appearance of happy, liberated emerging adult sexual adventure and pleasure lies a world of hurt, insecurity, confusion, inequality, shame, and regret” (Smith 2011).  Emotional damage is not the only difficulty that sexual freedom has brought emerging adults, but it can also result in disrupting their community when sexual relationships end.

The article calls the church toward change, and yet holding to the community’s beliefs.  However, it fails to explain what that looks like.  As always, it is easier to point out problems than to deliver solutions.

I will discuss the road towards solutions for how the church should respond in my next entry.  It is not an easy road, nor will all agree on the path to get there, but should that keep us from the journey?

 

References:

Thom Rainer and Sam Rainer, Essential church. Reclaiming a generation of dropouts.

Christian Smith, Lost in transition: The dark side of emerging adulthood.

Walker Moore, Rite of passage parenting: Four essential experiences to equip your kids for life

Robert Wuthnow,  After the baby boomers. How twenty- and thirty-somethings are shaping the future of American religion

Brian Simmons,  Wandering in the wilderness. Changes and challenges to emerging adults’ Christian faith.

 

10 Myths about Getting Married Young

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10 Myths about getting married youngEmerging adults now wait longer to get married and have children.  According to United States Bureau of the Census report, the median age of marriage among males in 2011 was 28.7; it was 26.5 for females. The average age of first marriages has been rising since the 1950s (US Bureau of the Census 2004, Table MS2).

As the average age of marriage in America continues to rise, those who marry when younger feel the backlash of going against society’s norms.  Many Christian young adults who desire to maintain their sexual purity are deciding to get to married earlier than their peers who are sexually active.  I recently came across an article that discusses how society responds when a couple makes a decision to get married at a young age.

I do not believe people should be married at a certain age, but I do believe that young adults should be disqualified due to their age.  Young adults should not be judged by their age, but by the character and decisions that they display.

Like most articles that I post, I am sure to disagree with the author on various points, but I believe that different perspectives are helpful for empowering young adults, and encouraging their parents.