Author Archives: G. David Boyd

Vocation: Discerning Your Calling

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Vocation: Discerning Your CallingI found this great article written by Dr. Tim Keller on defining vocation, and wanted to share it with my readers.  In 1989 Dr. Timothy J. Keller, his wife and three young sons moved to New York City to begin Redeemer Presbyterian Church.

I believe that Vocation is one the three developmental tasks of emerging adulthood.  It is crucial that emerging adults and their parents have a proper Christian perspective of what vocation does AND DOES NOT mean.

My Highlight

“Your vocation is a part of God’s work in the world, and God gives you resources for serving the human community.”

 

After the Nest is Empty – Redefining Your Life After Kids

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© 2008 Robert S. Donovan, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

Many parents dream of the empty nest for years, while others dread it from the day that their children are born.  When it comes, few people are able to adequately prepare for the changes that come after dropping off their children at college.  Continue reading →

Asking the Guy on the White Horse to Go Away.

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rachel by water

Photo courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2014. www.aaronrobertphotography.com

This is an interview that I conducted with a friend who after waiting years for Prince Charming to propose, decided that he was not worth the wait.  Please share with those who might be going through the same situation.  I pray that her words will heal your heart.    

This relationship was different.  I kept thinking that he really was the one.  Along the way, I misread or ignored some signs that might have kept me from heartache.

We met at church, so I assumed God’s approval.

As the years passed (Yes, years!), most of our friends were moving ahead to engagement, marriage, and even children.  While we were just…stalled.

At first, he was the only one who was allowed to bring up the topic of long-term commitment.  He would tell me that he was going to marry me, and even talk about having children; however, there was always a but.

But I need to finish school…But I need to get a job…  But I need to get established in this job…  But I need to move… but I, but I.

The reasons never included me – or even us.  There was never an opportunity for me to speak into it.  It seems as if our relationship had almost nothing to do about what I wanted.

As the months turned into years, I became angry, and felt unloved.  I was constantly walking on eggshells when discussing our relationship.  He held all the power, and I wasn’t allowed to bring it up.  Whenever I expressed my frustration, he would say, “If you break up with me, I am not taking you back.”

There were times when I found courage to leave only to be slowly drawn back.  He needed comfort, security, and companionship, and used me to get it.  I liked being needed, so I gave in – without considering the fact that I needed something too.

I dreamt my whole life of getting a ring, so how could I leave when I was so close?  In the end, I am actually glad he didn’t give me a ring.  The ring would have just sucked me into another dream where I believed that our love was real.

In the end, I cut myself off completely from him and our social groups.  I wrestled with God in long, tear-filled prayers.  However, I know that breaking up with him saved me a lifetime of wondering whether he really loved me or not.

In this journey, I realized how much I undervalued myself.  I believed that I wasn’t worthy of his love, or anyone else’s.  I convinced myself to just be content with what I was getting.  I believed that his love was the best that I could get.  I was captured by a fear that if I lost him, then I would never have another chance at finding love.

I became so worried about losing him, that I lost myself.

This long and painful road has definitely increased my faith.  It has opened my eyes to the worth that I do possess.

How Long is Too Long? Waiting for Prince Charming to Pop the Question.

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rachel by water

Photo Courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2013. www.aaronrobertphotography.com

He rode into your life on a white horse.  He swept you off your feet, and stole your heart.  You sensed God’s leading and blessing in this fairy-tale love story.  But that was months ago, years ago, and nothing has progressed.  While you have talked many times about long-term commitment, he has yet to “Put a Ring on it.” Continue reading →

Guess Who Cares For Young Adults When They Move Back Home

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ADULTKIDS_BANNER

I came across this article, and wanted to share it with my readers.  Heather Krause is a statistician who works with nonprofit organizations.  As you read, here are a few thoughts.

1.  If you are making lunches for an emerging adult, you are not helping them, but discouraging their development (through hindering their personal autonomy).

2.  Although “moving out” is considered the pinnacle marker of adulthood, it is not adequate for establishing adulthood.  Assuming that proper boundaries are established, families can remain living together their entire lives.

3.  The author states that she doesn’t care about doing housework that her grown children should be doing.  I believe that this is due to the fact that many adults fail to redefine their lives when children move out.  After years of caring for children, an empty nest requires that the individual redefine their personal lives, their marriage, and their home.

Dr. G. David Boyd

 

Emerging Adults – In Defense of a New Human Life Phase

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Millennials have been called many names during their pursuit of adulthood including:  lazy, narcissistic, immature, and other words that I prefer not to type.  The purpose of this article is to explain why a new human life phase is beneficial to both Millennials and the rest of us.  Continue reading →

FACTCHECKER: DOES COLLEGE CAUSE YOUNG ADULTS TO LOSE THEIR FAITH?

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I recently came across an article that I wanted to share with my readers.

Parents do have a great fear that college will mark the end of their child’s faith.  However, here are a few points that I would like to make.

1.  Many parents blame college, but the adolescent actually left their faith many years before.

Adolescents leave the faith for a variety of reasons, and parents sometimes turn away from signs that their children no longer hold to the faith that they were taught as children (article).  I recommend a book on this subject by Drew Dyck, Generation:  Ex-Christian.

2.  Professors do not want to convert your children.

The recent film “God’s Not Dead” continues to paint the picture that professors desire to destroy Christians.  While some professors may be personally hostile towards a  specific religion, faculty  cannot discriminate against people of a specific religion, by grading their religious beliefs.

3.  Postmodernism allows diversity and a variety of religious beliefs and experiences on campus.

Christian Smith states, “The increase of relativism and the decline of strict scientism, which allows for discussion of faith and spiritual speculation, similar to what Paul experienced at the Aeropagus.”  Dr. Smith is talking about the decline of modernity, and the rise of post-modernity.  While some Christians have in the past been extremely out-spoken against postmodernism, it has made college campuses more accepting of faith and diversity.

Here is the article.  The author, Glenn T. Stanton is the director of family formation studies at Focus on the Family and the author of five books.

I hope that it is an encouragement to you as you parent.

 

Why Courtship is Fundamentally Flawed

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Lonely Woman on a Bench - Why Courtship is Fundamentally FlawedI find it amusing whenever a person starts talking about the “Right” or “Biblical” way to find a mate.  If you look through the pages of the Bible, several methods of getting a mate might get you in trouble these days.   Continue reading →

Recruiting a Team for Emerging Adult Ministry

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If you desire to minister to emerging adults in your church, I highly encourage you to create a team.  Teamwork makes your journey more fun, and allows you to accomplish more than if you are working alone.  While a good team can expand your reach and ministry; however, a bad team can exhaust you and hold you back from making a difference.

So if you recruiting people to minister to emerging adults, here are some essential qualities.

1.  Community Builders

ftflagler-washington-pictures-4376127-h[1]These are the people that everyone wants to be around.  There is just something contagious about who they are, and what they bring into a room.  I actively recruit several “life-of-the-party” people before launching any type of small group or community, because they will be the glue that makes new people stick.  These people are your front-line welcome the new guests.  You want your new guests to walk away saying, “Wow, I really liked the people we met.”

2.  Accepting

Look for teammates who readily accept others for who they are and where they are in life.   Some people breathe judgmental attitudes, while others regularly speak their mind.  While I do believe in the gift of discernment, sometimes people claim this spiritual gift because they simply want to speak their mind.  After being raised with a postmodern mindset, emerging adults will run from those who claim to have all the answers.

Emerging adults must be safe to express who they are, and where they are truly at in their faith journey without fear of becoming a spiritual project of someone else within the group.  I want teammates who are gifted at asking questions, rather than giving advice.  A wise team will fully accept others for who they are, and wait for God to do the work.

3.  Consistent

One consistent worker is worth – twenty part-timers.  Due to the constant changes in their lives,  emerging adults are looking for consistency.  Emerging adults want to know who is going to be at meetings before they show up.  When looking for workers, I ask those who were not otherwise involved in church ministry because I want my teammates fully devoted to our goal.  Availability is also important because your teammates must have enough margin to be available to your group outside of your weekly scheduled meeting.

4.  Intergenerational

Your team should include emerging adults.  If you have no emerging adults on your team, you are already communicating that they are not capable of leading or contributing to the ministry.  Emerging adults have great potential to give and lead within any ministry.

Your team should also include other generations who have traveled further down life’s road and can offer a different perspective.  However, older adults need to understand that emerging adults are looking to develop relationships that involve give-and-take rather than downward-focused.  As the team enters each week with an expectation of receiving, it will be amazing what God will do in their lives as they serve.

While you may be overwhelmed by starting a ministry to emerging adults, the beauty about starting a ministry is that you can pick your team.  Choose wisely.  Spend time praying over who God is calling you to invite into this exciting movement.

david in hat - blackDr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA Resources.  He is passionate about seeing Emerging Adults survive and thrive in our world and the church.