Photo Courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2013. www.aaronrobertphotography.com
He rode into your life on a white horse. He swept you off your feet, and stole your heart. You sensed God’s leading and blessing in this fairy-tale love story. But that was months ago, years ago, and nothing has progressed. While you have talked many times about long-term commitment, he has yet to “Put a Ring on it.”
We have all heard that, “good things come to those who wait,” right? But life doesn’t always work that way, and sometimes those who wait end up with nothing.
While people are waiting longer to get married, how long is too long? Through the years, I have had several friends date a guy who knew the right words, did the right things, but never produced long-term commitment.
So, if your guy or girl is delaying life-long commitment, here are some questions to discover if the relationship is worth the wait…
1. Are there clear reasons for delay?
“I will just know when it is time,” is not a clear reason for delay. While waiting for God’s confirmation is worthwhile, it is important to find the concrete decisions that lie underneath doubt and delay. Sometimes a partner is unwilling to admit doubt because they feel as if it makes their love story less romantic.
An example of a clear reason would be because he is waiting until he can afford a ring. He has told you he is saving, and he has a plan in place to achieve it. A clear reason is that she is waiting until she can find a job in your area in order to relocate.
A clear reason has a clear ending.
2. Is there a clear timeline when those reasons will be answered?
Time does allow for questions to be answered, and for relationships to be developed. If you have been dating for years, and he still wants to get know you “better”, then don’t be deceived. There is a problem. This is unclear reason, and there is no clear timeline to solve it.
If you are waiting to solve a specific issue, establish a time when you will next discuss it. If waiting for a decision to be made, then you have a right to a due date on that decision. If they are unwilling to work together in these issues, it is a sign that they are not ready for the commitment and teamwork that a healthy marriage requires.
3. Have obstacles been removed only to be replaced by new ones?
Photo Courtesy of Aaron Robert Photography. Copyright 2013. www.aaronrobertphotography.com
It stated out to be a financial reason. Now it is because he is waiting for a better job, or to buy a house. Just when it seems like you are moving ahead, your partner adds a new obstacle to the process. This is a clear sign that your partner is looking for reasons to delay their commitment. There comes a point in this process when you have to accept the fact that it isn’t about these issues, but about your relationship.
4. Are you being used?
Many people love the intimacy of a serious relationship (sometimes emotional, sometimes sexual intimacy), but do not want the commitment. Physical affection is a piece of every relationship, unfortunately it sometimes becomes the glue that holds unhealthy relationships together. The blurred lines between dating and marriage have removed one of the primary motivations for marriage. Marriage was once considered the gateway to sex. In our society, that gateway has been broken by many Christians who signed vows of purity and wore rings. Drawing boundaries for your dating relationships is essential to moving forward.
With sex being practiced before marriage, many people are asking whether or not marriage is important at all. I am not saying that sex should be the only motivation for a couple to get married. For example, a man should be motivated to get married to you because He loves you, and wants to spend his life supporting, loving, and being intimate with you and you alone. He should be motivated because he knows that you have a say in this relationship, and that someone else could come along and steal you away.
As you talk, are you convinced that your partner has a strong belief in the concept of marriage. Not because that is what culture dictates, but because that is God’s pattern.
5. Do you have a voice in the process?
A relationship is not a one-way relationship. A relationship is developed and established by two people. Regardless of what you believe concerning gender roles in a relationship, both man and woman have a right to speak into the development of a relationship. If you are afraid to bring up the topic, or are unable to share with your partner why you disagree, then one partner appears to hold all the power.
Power is at work in any relationship. This is why healthy relationships are not filled with power-trips, but with mutual submission to each other. As you move forward in a relationship, both partners have a voice. One partner cannot push the issue of marriage. One partner cannot negate all discussions of long-term commitment.
The challenge for many who are stuck waiting for Prince Charming are afraid. Afraid that there might not come another. Afraid that walking away will be just that…walking away. So your fear is what keeps you there. Fear keeps us in a lot of unhealthy relationships. As Christians, we are called to make decisions based in our faith, and not fear.
Dr. G. David Boyd is the Founder and Managing Director of EA 
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I remember how difficult it was to finally “Pop” the question. I remember how it felt to ask my wife to marry me even though I knew that she loved me. I knew she would say yes. I knew that we would be happy together. All these things should have made it easy, but it still wasn’t. In spite of my fear, there came a day when I got in my car, drove to my girl, and asked her to be my wife.
