The multiple life transitions of young adulthood make it essential for EAs to find a new community. Part of a new community for a disciple of Christ is finding a group of Christians who can encourage and support you in your journey.
However, finding a good church can be a difficult process. As you walk into a new place, it is a little overwhelming – especially for those who are going alone. When I was a single man, I remember how awkward I felt when I would walk into our auditorium, and not know where to sit. I dreaded it so much that many weeks I would rather have stayed home (but I was on staff).
The importance of establishing a spiritual community during your emerging adult years is crucial. Although church shopping has come to be known as a negative term, the process of finding a church home is necessary. Church shopping is a reflection of many changes within our society. As a mobile society, most of us have dozens of churches within a short distance.
Finding a good church may take a few weeks for some, while for others if can take several months. If it has taken you a year or more, then something is wrong. Here are some ways to make your search a success.
Four Keys to finding a church home.
1. Decide Your Values
Before you can find a church at which you feel at home, you must first decide what you value. Determining your values first will save you much time and effort during this journey.
So what is important to you about a church community? Here are some areas that you must think through:
Beliefs – Do I want a confessional community? (Denominational), or Do I want a community that invites diversity (Non-denominational)?- Music – Is the style of music important to you? Does the church need a rocking worship band, or strictly a rockin’ organist?
- Liturgy – Is it important that your church follow certain traditions in worship?
- Programs – What programs are important you? Does the church need a singles, young marrieds, college, or youth group?
- Leadership – Who is in leadership? What leadership positions are open to you?
- Service Times – Is a Saturday night service important? For many EAs, having optional worship services is essential due to their work schedules. Many EAs have entry level jobs which lack flexibility and requires them to work on the weekend.
- Values – Are there certain values or organizations that you want your church to endorse? Do you want your church to share a specific desire to further over-seas missions in Ghana? Or be involved in the local food shelf? Does the church focus on building the church community, or the local community?
If you are married, it is important that you discuss these priorities together and find a church that both of you will enjoy. If the couple continues to attend the church where one partner grew up, it might discourage the other partner in their spiritual development. Picking a new church allows couples to start over in a community.
You will never find the perfect church, and you will never find a church with all your values. As you establish your values, you will have to prioritize them.
2. Scout the church.
Once you have established your values, you can narrow down your search by doing some homework. A church’s website will answer many of your questions in a few minutes. At the site, you can discover the church’s values, beliefs, leadership, and programs. If these values seem to fit, then take time to listen to a message or watch a worship service.
Once you have checked the church’s website, search for them on facebook. Many churches have pages that will tell you more about the community. Facebook will give you an idea of what is currently going on at the church, and whether you have Facebook friends who already attend there.
3. Visit the Church.
After you have done your homework, you are ready for a visit. Begin your visit in a spirit of prayer, asking God for His direction as you enter. Here are a few questions for you as you attend.
- While there, did you get a sense that you would want to do life with these people?
- Did I experience God’s presence? Whether it is through the worship, the staff, or the greeter at the door, did you feel the Spirit of God’s presence?
After one visit, you will not walk away with a new best friend. Building a spiritual community takes time (Months or even a year). Don’t let an experience with a cranky usher ruin your entire experience. If you like the church in many ways, stick with it, and give it another chance.
4. Be friendly.
If you spent most of your life attending the same church, you probably knew many people, and many people knew you. Unless you moved regularly during childhood, you might have lost or not developed the basic skills it requires to make new friends. Establishing a new community requires skills as simple as walking across the room, stretching out a hand, and starting a conversation. These are the skills that will lead to a lasting relationship.
Remember that one random encounter is all it takes to start a life-long friendship.
Finding a new spiritual community is not an easy process, and takes work. If you are tired of the process, or have given up, please don’t. You need a place where you can LOVE and be LOVED. God did not design us to be Spiritual Entities by ourselves, but part of a Spiritual community – His church.
