According to one wedding website, “On average, US couples spend $25,656 for their wedding. However, the majority of couples spend between $19,242 and $32,070. This does not include cost for a honeymoon.” (www.costofwedding.com.) According to one author, couples should not be looking at the average cost, but the median cost which is much lower. Either number can seem overwhelming to most parents, so as the wedding approaches, what should you do?
The days of traditional weddings where the bride’s family pays for the wedding and reception while the groom’s family pays for the rehearsal dinner appear all but gone. The rising costs of weddings, and the breakdown of the nuclear family have made these traditional roles a thing of the past.
As a parent, you might be wondering how to handle the financial pressures of the event. Here is some helpful advice from those who have gone before.
1. Give a gift to the couple.
Giving a financial gift to the couple allows the bride and groom to set the budget, and work together. Many parents set a flat amount of money for each child (regardless of their gender), as a gift towards their wedding. The money can be spent on the wedding, or saved towards whatever the couple needs in order to start their life together. It also avoids budget battles between you and your child over each particular item. Setting a firm number helps the couple understand that if they are over budget, then they will have to make up the difference. If the bride and groom know ahead of time what that budget is, they have the freedom to decide what is and what is not most important.
2. Avoid Debt.
There is much pressure that can come from our society about what a wedding should be, and that pressure is not just felt by the bride. Some parents struggle with guilt over how much they can financially contribute. One parent said, “We did not allow ourselves to get sucked into the idea that a wedding needed to be elaborate and unaffordable. We were not going to take out any loans to pay for the wedding. If there was something she really wanted and it didn’t look like it was going to fit in the budget, we passed.”
3. Avoid Additional Expectations on the Couple
Nobody likes receiving gifts with strings attached. As part of their autonomy, the bride and groom should be able to make decisions and deal with the consequences. One parent writes, “Relax. Even if you are paying for the wedding, that doesn’t give you the right to make all of the decisions. Keep your nose out of things unless your kids ask for help.” Some parents add stipulations on their gifts including where the wedding is held, who is invited, what is served, and what is done. Allow the new couple to make decisions based on their values and beliefs.
As a parent you already know this, but here is another reminder – it isn’t about you. Let it be about them. As you let go of your expectations, you will find new freedom to rejoice and celebrate with them.
Do you have any advice for parents preparing for a child’s wedding? Leave your comments below for others to enjoy.
