For the past several years, you have dreaming, striving, and praying for the day to come that you would be on your own. Now that you are finally free, why are struggling with being homesick?
When I first left for college, the first few weeks were packed with activities and meeting people. I barely had time to catch my breath, let alone worry about missing home. However the excitement soon turned into routine, and I faced my first night alone in the dorm. I called home several times during that first semester demanding that my parents come get me (No wonder freshmen are often not allowed to have cars!).
If you are like me, you didn’t expect to be homesick, and you don’t know what to do. Here are some thought and ideas to help you through the next time you are faced with thoughts and emotions of missing home.
1. Know that you are not alone, and this trial presents an opportunity to grow.
Many emerging adults face strong emotions of missing home. While some people anticipate the struggles of leaving home, many are surprised and overwhelmed when homesickness occurs. One emerging adults writes, “It’s good to hear that you aren’t the only one struggling with it/who has struggled with it cause being homesick tends to make you feel pathetic and weak for not being able to handle adult(ish) life. You feel alone and like everyone is moving on around you just fine and you’re the only one who is a mess.”
Being homesick is not a sign of weakness, but it facing the emotions that come from change in our lives. Another Emerging adult wrote that his experiences with being homesick helped him learn two thing – how to find my security in Jesus over against my parents and my circumstances, and grow in my own independence in becoming an adult.
2. Identify what you need and miss.
Rather than being sad about everything in life, identify the cause of your emotions. One EA wrote that, “diagnosing the root of the homesickness helped me overcome it. I try to address the specific part of homesickness that I feel.” If you need your parents, then call them.
One misconception of being an adult is that you no longer need your family. I am 38, and I need my parents as much today as I did then. The ways that I need them have changed, but they are still a major part of my life. When you get homesick, remember that there is nothing wrong with calling home. A student’s desire to prove success by not calling can sometimes make things worse. One EA writes, “My homesickness got so bad because I stopped contacting my family. Not necessarily on purpose, but I also didn’t purposefully keep in touch. Up until then my family had been my center. To suddenly abandon it was terrible.” Being an adult doesn’t mean abandoning your family, and so if you need to call home – do it.
3. Work diligently to build a new Community.
The ability to build a new community for yourself is an important development task for young adults. Building a new community takes work, and results don’t happen overnight. One Emerging adult put it this way, “making new friends never seems to go as quickly as you want it to. By a coulple of months into college, I was frustrated that my friendships weren’t as deep as the ones I had at home.” This new community is instrumental in keeping feelings of homesickness at bay.
One emerging adults says, “I think it is also incredibly important to get involved right away. I did this as a freshman and found I had very few days of feeling homesick. When I transferred colleges as a sophomore I was slower in getting involved and found myself really struggling with being homesick and other emotional issues. Being involved not only keeps you busy, it also helps you meet people and make new friends.”
4. Devise an action plan for when it hits.
Know when these feelings usually come upon you, and have a plan to deal with them. One EA wrote that these feelings usually came when, “everything was chaotic around me and my finances were a wreck and my laundry wasn’t done and my homework was keeping me up into the wee hours of the morning. I was homesick for a time when life was simpler. You’re simply overwhelmed and look back on being a teenager whose head hit the pillow every night and slept soundly and that just sounded amazing.”
Find something that brings you the comfort, fellowship, or security that you need. Some EA’s need to Skype or go out with a friend for coffee, while another might want to, “curl up with my favorite author and sip on some soothing tea.” Another EA suggests that you, “cope by being real with those who support you and by asking for prayer and encouragement, even if they’re miles away. Prayer travels long distances quickly.”
In the end, homesickness is not a sign of weakness, but of health. It reveals that you are capable of building intimate healthy relationships with others, and that you are dealing with the emotions that come from building a new community.
As Christians, it should also make us long for the day when we will be in a community with no end. A community that will completely fulfill our needs.
